Untouched Mussels: Chapter 05

Chapter 5.

The next few days were the happiest of Jay’s life.

He and Asta were inseparable, and they had the most marvelous adventures together.

Sure, some of them were in the magical on-line realm of Crusaders of the Dark Savant, but their real world quests were just as exciting. 

After gentle prodding, Asta managed to convince Jay to visit the city proper, and they ate crystal candies and chocolate eggs and enjoyed an incredible rooftop view. Jay screamed a handful of times when the many monstrous citizens came too close, and it was surreal when they screamed back, equally startled. 

Asta took Jay on tours all across Xenon, from the brilliant glowing forests to the jagged mountains and black sandy beaches, showing him the beautiful wonders of his home world. 

He even took him to the bridge, but only after Jay asked him to. 

Jay was curious about where his soul was destined to spend a hundred years before moving on to the home of the gods, after all.

There were plenty of lavish meals with Ted and Grell, and Jay was now comfortable enough to entertain young Graham. 

He screamed only once when he met Professor Kunst. 

Ted brought Jay out for his own tour of the city, and he showed Jay where all the best restaurants were. Jay marveled at how comfortable Ted was amongst the many unique creatures and also by how much they seemed to adore their future ruler. 

Ted knew everyone by name, asked about their families, shared jokes and fun stories, and it was truly the happiest Jay had ever seen him. 

Jay blushed when Ted said the same of him. 

Obviously the question of Jay’s relationship with Asta came up, and Jay was mostly honest.

Mostly because he wasn’t about to share the sexy details of what exactly he and Asta were up to in the bedroom. 

Or by the computer. 

Or that one time in the library. 

“Those two dicks are fuckin’ somethin’ else, huh?” Ted had teased. 

“They sure are,” Jay had confirmed and nothing more was said about it. 

Ted clearly assumed Jay and Asta were having sex, and Jay was not about to correct him. That was one secret he planned on keeping to himself for the rest of forever. Besides, he and Asta were busy doing plenty of other fun things. 

Asta never pressured Jay or made him uncomfortable when they were together. He was endlessly patient and thoughtful, quite the contrast to the brash personality he showed to everyone else. When he was with Jay, he was a different person.

Well, like ninety percent different anyway. 

Asta could still be crass, definitely flirty, but he always took the time to talk to Jay. Especially after being intimate, Asta wanted Jay to let him know how it was, if he enjoyed himself, and if he liked something or if he didn’t. Asta was apparently determined to be the most attentive boyfriend in the universe. 


The very word made Jay blush. 

The days had been blissful but passed far too quickly, and soon it was Jay’s final night in Xenon. 

Jay was nervous.

He and Asta had talked a lot over the past week. Their family, friends, sex, what talent and spec combination was the most formidable for their classes since the nerf in the latest patch. 

The one thing they hadn’t talked about was what would happen when Jay went home. 

Would Jay visit Asta here in Xenon? Would Asta come see him on Aeon? 

What were they going to do? 

After a lavish farewell dinner hosted by Grell and Ted, Asta whisked Jay away to his bedroom. Judging by the way he slid his tongue so hungrily into Jay’s mouth, it was obvious how he wanted to say goodbye. 

Not that Jay minded, but he really did need to clarify a few things first. 

“Ahem. One second?” Jay gently pushed Asta back so they could catch their breath. 

“Huh?” Asta blinked, and then he flashed a big grin. “Oh, of course.” He carefully removed Jay’s glasses. “I always forget.” 

“Yes, but—”

“One sec!” Asta hurried over to drop the glasses off on his bedside. He practically sprinted back, capturing Jay’s lips in another passionate kiss. “Mmm, there we go.” 

“Asta!” Jay scolded. 

“Yes, babycakes?” Asta batted his eyes. “Did you not get enough ribs cracked by ol’ Cat Kicker? Don’t worry, you’ll see him tomorrow at breakfast before I take you home. Well, maybe. I might want to have breakfast in bed, mrow.”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk about.” Jay dodged Asta’s lips. “Going home?”

“What is it?”

“Are we…” Jay fidgeted. “Are we still going to, uh…”

“Doing kinky weird stuff with our dicks? That was my plan.” 

Jay laughed. “I’m serious!”

“So am I!” Asta protested as he hugged Jay’s waist, steering him toward the bed. “I’m only a portal away at any given time, babe. All you gotta do is call me up.” 

“With the pumpernickel thing?” 

“Yes, the pumpernickel thing.” Asta lightly pushed Jay onto the mattress and then eagerly crawled on top of him. “And you’d better call me. Because I will come lookin’ for you if you don’t.” 

Jay got settled in the pillows, and he hugged Asta’s shoulders. It was no surprise that Asta’s clothes were already gone, and Jay rubbed his bare back. “I will. I will call you every day.” 

“Damn skippy.” Asta kissed Jay passionately, and he helped him strip off his shirt in between swipes of tongue. 

“I’ve never been so happy,” Jay murmured, quickly pushing his pants down. “You’re so amazing.” 

“So are you,” Asta said. “All I want Is to be with you, baby cakes.” He cradled Jay’s cheek. “By all the gods, I’ve never wanted anybody like I fuckin’ want you.” 

“I want you too,” Jay said earnestly, his emotions bubbling up heavy and hard. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss you so much.” 

“I’m gonna miss you like crazy.” Asta ducked his head to smooch at Jay’s throat. “Fuck, I’m not even gonna be able to sleep without you in my fuckin’ bed.” 

Jay squirmed, panting faster. “Asta!”

Asta sucked and dragged his teeth along Jay’s jaw, and his hand slid down Jay’s stomach. They were both growing hard from the delicious friction, and Jay moaned when Asta bit down on his collarbone. 

“Don’t worry, babycakes,” Asta teased. “I’ll only leave hickies where no one can see them.”

Jay groaned as Asta moved his way to Jay’s hips, lavishing the curve of his stomach with more kisses and playful nips. “Down there… down there is good.” 

“I figured you would say that.” Asta winked as he smooched at the base of Jay’s cock.

Jay had come to really appreciate Asta’s amazing oral skills in a very short time, and he whimpered in anticipation as Asta continued to kiss and nuzzle his hard dick. 

Asta flicked out his tongue to tease around the slit and then went back down to mouth over Jay’s balls. 

Gods, that tongue.

The things Asta could do with it…

Jay wiggled. “Asta, please.”

“Mmm?” Asta sucked lightly on Jay’s balls. “Sorreh, cunh hear yooh.”

“Asta!” Jay whined more insistently, and he gasped as Asta licked up the shaft of his dick in one hungry lap.

“What? Sorry I couldn’t hear you. I had balls in my mouth.” Asta grinned. “Did you need something?”

“You’re so mean!”

“What? Me?” Asta swirled his tongue over the head of Jay’s cock, gazing at him coyly through his lashes. “Never.” 

Jay didn’t know why, but he had the wildest urge to grab Asta.

So he did.

He got a hold of Asta’s shoulders to pull him up as if he was seeking a kiss, knowing Asta would come willingly. But before their lips met, Jay used his weight to push up and over, successfully pinning Asta down into bed.

“Mrow.” Asta gazed up at Jay in amazement. “Somebody is feeling frisky tonight, huh?”

“Yup.” Jay kissed him. “Sure am.” He enjoyed a smug smile as he started his own descent of Asta’s body, but he wasn’t in the mood for teasing. He went right for what he wanted, Asta’s cocks, and he immediately sucked the head of the first one into his mouth.

“Ah, fuck me! Yes!” Asta gasped.

Jay kept sucking, soft and slow, and he stroked the other cock with his hand. Just one of Asta’s cocks was a lot to take on, and there was no way he could fit both in his mouth. He had to play with them like this, taking turns sucking and stroking them individually. He’d switch off here and there to make sure each dick got plenty of attention, and he absolutely loved how Asta moaned for him.

“Gods, yes. Suck me, babycakes,” Asta mewled happily. “Your tongue feels so fuckin’ nice. Suck me harder, come on… fuck!” His hips jerked from a particularly enthusiastic bit of suction. “Fuck, you’re gonna suck my brains out if you keep that up, fuckkk.”

Jay trailed his fingers down behind Asta’s balls, stroking against his taint with his thumb. He knew from previous encounters that this was a very sensitive area for Asta, and he dragged his thumb a little lower, just above Asta’s asshole. He thought about touching Asta there, maybe just a quick tease over top of it or around it, but he hesitated. 

Though they’d been quite adventurous in their many sexual encounters  this week, there were still a few things they hadn’t yet shared.

Asta seemed to be of a mind to change that as he said, “Go on. Stick it in.”

Jay pulled off Asta’s cock. “Are you sure?”

“Fuck yes, I’m sure!” Asta crooned. “Go on. Get your fuckin’ fingers in there, babycakes.” He took a deep breath, clarifying, “Provided that you’re interested and willing to put said fingers in my asshole, please go right ahead.” 

“Y-Yeah. I’m definitely, uh, definitely interested and very, very willing.” Jay quickly slid his thumb over the head of Asta’s cock that he’d been stroking, collecting the slick precome to lube up with. He moved his hand back to where it was, rubbing the precome around Asta’s hole.

The heat surprised him, as did the puckered texture. He smiled as Asta clenched, and he continued to rub in lazy little circles. He got his other hand around both of Asta’s cocks, giving him a firm stroke as he continued to play with his hole. “Gods… this is so hot.”

“It’ll be even hotter once you stick it in,” Asta teased. “Come on, babycakes. Do it.” 

“O-Okay.” Jay slid his thumb forward, and he gasped as it smoothly slid inside.

Asta’s body was hot, slick, and Jay was in awe of how it squeezed around him. He pushed a little deeper, groaning at the new rush of feeling. He wanted to know what this would feel like with more fingers, his tongue, his cock—holy shit, his cock

Jay flushed, and he tried to stay focused on watching Asta to make sure he was doing this right.

Asta appeared relaxed, smiling as he drawled, “Yeah, babycakes. There you go. Just like that. Mm, keep going. Keep fuckin’ going.” 

Jay thrust his thumb in deeper, and he took Asta’s second cock into his mouth to suck on. He tried to stroke the first cock too, but it quickly became clear he didn’t have the coordination to do it well. He couldn’t even pat his head and rub his stomach at the same time, so he had no hope of fingering Asta, blowing him, and trying to jerk him off at the same time.

Instead, he redirected his efforts to sucking Asta’s cock while he worked his thumb in and out of him. That was manageable, and Asta’s moans signaled he’d made the right decision. 

“More, baby,” Asta urged. “Come on… I can take more.” 

Jay withdrew his thumb, switching over to his index finger. He rubbed the tip over Asta’s hole, grunting in surprise at how wet it suddenly was. “Mmph?”

“Magical lube, babe. Just go with it.”

“Mmph.” Jay pushed his finger back in, and he could feel Asta’s thighs twitch. He could go deeper with his finger than his thumb, and it was easy to thrust with the magical lube. His finger glided in and out effortlessly now, and he sucked Asta’s cock as hard as he could to match.

“Gods, yeah. That’s it. Fuck, that’s good.” Asta painted, digging his fingers into Jay’s hair. “That’s so fucking good. Put another in, please. Come the fuck on.”

Jay hesitated, but it was hard to refuse when Asta was pleading so desperately. He went ahead and added a second finger, groaning at the new snugness hugging his digits. He thrust slowly, savoring the drag of pushing into such tight heat, and he shivered as Asta pulled at his hair.

“Fuck, yes,” Asta moaned out excitedly. “Fuck!”

Jay bobbed his head faster and moved his fingers in sync with the new pace, trying to stay on rhythm. Judging by the way Asta writhed and cussed, Jay had to at least be doing a decent job so far. He wanted to make Asta come like this, but he wasn’t sure if he could.  

His jaw was throbbing from the intense suction, and his hand was cramping up. He blamed a lack of experience and probably too much gaming this week, but he was determined to keep trying. He wanted to make Asta come—

“Mm, hey, come here!” Asta pleaded.

“Wah?” Jay pulled off, a bit of drool dribbling down his chin. He hastily wiped it off. “What’s wrong?”

“Come here. I need… Mmm, I need to do something.” Asta’s eyes were wide, hungry. 

“Tell me what to do. I just wanna make you feel good.” Jay pushed his fingers in deep.

“Mmm, fuck.” Asta’s lashes fluttered. “Okay, hold that thought. I need… I need to… Just hang on.” He reached between his legs, gently urging out Jay’s fingers. 

“Was it not good?” Jay asked worriedly.

“No, babycakes. You were amazing. I just need a lil’ somethin’ more.” 

Before Jay could ask what Asta meant, he watched in shock as Asta took his second cock and bent it down between his legs…

And pressed the head inside of himself. 

“Holy crap,” Jay breathed. “You can… you can do that.”

“Told ya’. Stretchy.” Asta grinned. 

Jay couldn’t look away as the head of Asta’s cock vanished inside of his hole, and the obvious pleasure was written all over Asta’s face. His eyes were half-closed, his lips parted as he moaned, his cheeks turned a beautiful shade of pink. He kept pushing, squirming as he shoved his cock deeper in, and he grabbed a hold of his other cock.

Jay had certainly heard of people who could perform this very unique trick, but he’d never dreamed that he’d have a live performance by a gorgeous cat prince. 

“Come here.” Asta stopped stroking, wiggling his fingers in a grabbing motion as he stared at Jay’s dick. “I wanna…” 

“Huh?” Jay was hopelessly lost as his brain had gone off-line temporarily.

“Give me your dick,” Asta said flatly. 

“Oh!” Jay finally understood and got up on his knees. He leaned forward so Asta could stroke his cock and Jay’s together, and Jay melted into the tight hold. He added his own hand to help keep them together, rocking forward slowly as he bowed his head for a kiss. “You’re so hot.” 

“So are you, baby,” Asta mumbled. “You’re so fuckin’ sexy.” 

“I’m close,” Jay warned breathlessly. “I can’t help it. Watching you do that, just… wow.” 

“Your fingers felt so fucking good, I just… mmm.. I needed it. I needed it so bad.” Asta kissed him hungrily, urging their fingers to move faster on their dicks. 

“You’re seriously the hottest thing ever,” Jay praised, grinding their hips together. “I could watch you do that for fucking hours.”

“Yeah?” Asta shifted his other hand to reach underneath himself to keep pushing his cock in. “You really like that shit, huh? Kinky bastard.”

Jay grinned.

His balls were pressed in between Asta’s dicks, and he grinded there harder as he slid his tongue into Asta’s mouth. Asta groaned and wrapped his long legs around Jay’s hips, drawing him in close and encouraging him to keep moving. Jay was startled to feel both of Asta’s hands wrapping about their cocks.

It was then Jay realized it was the press of his body at this precise angle that was keeping Asta’s other dick inside of himself. When Jay pushed forward, he was pushing Asta’s dick, and that new knowledge provided Jay with the wonderful idea to slam forward.

His balls got a little squished, but Asta’s pleasurable sob was absolutely worth it. 

“Fu-uck!” Asta sang happily, his thighs squeezing around Jay. “Come on, come on, baby. Keep going! Don’t stop, don’t stop!” 

“I won’t! I won’t!” Jay kept grinding as hard as he could, watching Asta’s beautiful face as he trembled beneath him. He could tell Asta was close, right on the edge. He didn’t know where the words even came from, but he whispered against Asta’s lips, “Come on. Come for me, baby.” 

“Jay!” Asta’s voice cracked, his hips jerked, and he sobbed as he came. 

Jay continued to pump his hips, shuddering at the hot rush of Asta’s come gushing over his cock. He groaned as Asta kept working his hands, stroking furiously to drag Jay over into bliss with him. 

It only took a few more jerks and Jay was there, groaning as his dick pulsed hard. He rutted into Asta’s grip, trying to keep up the momentum as they slid together. He kissed Asta passionately, and he loved the hot press of their bodies as they each sought out the last shivers of pleasure. For a few precious seconds, Jay swore they were one perfect being, fully united by this beautiful moment of ecstasy.

As they parted, Jay gazed down into Asta’s gorgeous eyes and time stopped. 

He swore there was actual gold glittering around Asta’s brilliant irises, and Asta’s sweet toothy smile hit Jay somewhere deep within his very being. He could imagine looking at that gorgeous smile tomorrow, the day after that, and the day after that until all the stars fell down from the sky…

He loved Asta. 

Cheeky, ridiculous, handsome Asta.

Jay was absolutely, hopelessly, head over heels in love with—

“Wow.” Asta fanned himself off. “It’s pretty stunning how incredible I am. Fuck, I might actually pass out from my own sheer awesomeness.” 

“And so humble.” Jay chuckled. 

Jay rolled off beside Asta, but he stayed close so they could kiss again as their legs hooked together. The mess vanished away, and Jay assumed Asta had pulled his certain parts out of his other parts though he didn’t actually check.

“Hey, nobody else is gonna toot my horn, so I might as well fucking do it.” Asta winked. “Except you, of course.” 

“Come on.” Jay petted Asta’s hair, smoothing it back. “Your dad is proud of you.” 

“Yeah, when he’s not busy talking about what a jackass I am.” 


“I know I’m a jackass, obviously. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.” Asta winked. “But uh, you know… I do have other ones. Other traits, I mean.” 

Jay frowned when Asta hesitated to elaborate. It was also concerning to see Asta appear upset. 

Reaching for Asta’s hand, Jay asked gently, “Do you and your dad not get along?”

“What? Pffft. Of course we do.” Asta scoffed. “In that special way that a father and his disappointing son do.” 

“You think you’re disappointing?”

“I know I am.” Asta toyed with Jay’s fingers. “I’ve heard all his speeches about how he was already married by this age and already fucking king by this fucking time and he’d already solved the crop crisis in this year or that one or whatever it was.”

“Maybe he just says that stuff so you’ll look up to him?”

“No.” Asta gritted his teeth. “It’s his personal road map of milestones, these meaningless little checkpoints he has expected me to hit all of my fucking life that I’ve gloriously skipped over.” He squeezed Jay’s hand. “He does it in this real shitty joking way of his, but I know he means it. He just doesn’t have the balls to come out and tell me.” 

Jay didn’t want to say the wrong thing, carefully replying, “He doesn’t seem like a guy who holds back.” 

“With me, he does.” 


“Guilt.” Asta rolled his eyes. “Hello. He blames himself for not stopping my mom from getting sick. Talks about how he should have ordered Mom to stay home ‘cause hey, they’d be fucking divorced but at least Mom would be alive.” He sighed. “So, he just lets me get away with fucking everything and gives me passive aggressive bullshit critiques.” 

“If you know he’s upset with how you’re acting, why don’t you… well…”

“Act differently?” 

Jay grimaced. 

“Gee, why didn’t I think of that?” Asta scowled.

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, don’t be. I’m being an asshole.” Asta kissed Jay’s hand. “You don’t need to hear all this shit.”

“But I will if you want to talk about it,” Jay insisted. “I think your dad is wrong, you know.” 

“Tell him that.” 

“I will.” Jay held his head high. “So what, you haven’t saved any crops or gotten married yet? You should be allowed to measure your success on your own terms, not his. Did he forget that you and your visions helped save the world? Because I sure as hell didn’t.” 

Asta perked up. 

“You’re funny, you’re thoughtful, you’re so smart, and you’re an incredible Crusaders player. You calculate the aggro in your head while we’re playing without a mod. That’s insane.” Jay smiled warmly. “You have so many wonderful gifts. Even if your dad can’t see them, I do.” 

“Thank you.” Asta pressed a sweet kiss to Jay’s lips. “That… that really means a lot to me.”

You mean a lot to me,” Jay said, meeting Asta’s bright eyes and getting lost there. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” 

“I am pretty cool, huh?” 

“The coolest.” 

“Do you even want to be king?” 

“Eh?” Asta’s brows furrowed. 

“Do you even want to be king?” Jay repeated. “I’m assuming you do and that’s why what your dad thinks means so much to you. Because he seems like a good ruler, right?”

“He’s pretty disgustingly beloved.”

“Well, you will be too.” Jay grinned. “In your own very special way.” 


“You told me earlier this week you wanted to make a Backstreet Boys song the official Xenon anthem.” 

“What? Their songs are timeless.” 


“Don’t drink the hater-ade, babycakes.” Asta grinned. “BSB forever.” 

“Didn’t you also say you think it should be illegal to wear pants indoors?”

“Okay, but that could be totally optional… except on the weekends.” 

Jay laughed. “So, okay, yeah, you’re well on your way to being a super beloved and awesome ruler. Really listening to the will of the people. But seriously.” He smirked. “You still have plenty of time to figure all that out, and you can do it on your schedule. Not your Dad’s.”

“Thank you.” Asta brushed their noses together. “For… you know.”


“Giving a shit.” Asta smiled warmly. “You know you’re the first person who’s ever asked me if I wanted to be king. Everybody just kinda assumes that I’m all about it ‘cause I like telling people what to do.”

“Well… you are kinda all about it.”

“Of course I am!” Asta cackled. “But it’s still rude as fuck for people to just assume!” 

Jay laughed. “By all the gods, I love you.” 


“I said, I…” Jay tensed. 



Oh no.

Jay didn’t know if he should try to play it off as a joke or not. He couldn’t read the eerily blank expression on Asta’s face, and he had no idea what to do. He had only known he was in love with Asta as of five minutes ago, and he certainly hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. 

He knew in his heart that there was no one else in the entire universe that he wanted to be with. He’d never felt this way about anyone, not ever, and his entire chest was bubbling over with the most wonderful warmth that made him feel downright giddy.

Asta saw Jay for who he was, nerdy bits and all, and Jay didn’t have to hide anything from him. He could be himself, totally and completely, and he knew that was special. He didn’t want to lose this, and the way his heart fluttered made his fingers tremble as he gazed sweetly at Asta. 

Maybe it was a terrible idea, but Jay couldn’t take those words back any more than he could deny the awesome feelings that had let them slip right out.

“I love you,” Jay said again, more sincerely. “Asta desu Crem I’m Still Working On Remembering Your Whole Name, I love you. I… I’ve never been so happy. I feel like I’ve just been waiting my whole life for you, and here you are, and… I… yeah.”

Asta blinked, and he still said nothing. 

“Are you… okay?” 

“No, yes, I’m just, uh… I wasn’t expecting that. So soon.” Asta fidgeted. “You know, that.” 

“I’m sorry.” Jay cringed miserably. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Jay rubbed his face, pleading, “I thought it was the right time—”

“It hasn’t even been a week!” Asta groaned.

“I said I was sorry! It’s just, it’s just what I feel!” 

“After a week?”

“Well, yeah.” Jay felt even worse now, and his stomach churned violently. “We’ve been talking about being together, how great everything is, and you said you were the happiest you’ve ever been—”

“And I am! That’s just… whew, boy.” Asta withdrew to the edge of the bed. “That’s a big one, babycakes.”

“We, we can do it.” 

“Huh?” Asta’s eyes widened. 

“Sex.” Jay took a deep breath. “I meant what I said about feeling like I was waiting for you. Even if you don’t feel the same about me, I’m ready. I want to do it before I go back home.” 

“Yeah, that’s gonna be a no, Casanova.”

“What? Why?”

“You just told me you loved me and now you wanna fuck?” Asta’s nose wrinkled. “Babycakes, come on. A blind man could see that’s a tiny bit desperate.”

“Desperate?” Jay scoffed angrily. “What? Because I finally decided that I care about someone enough to have sex with them?”

“Because it sounds like you’re only offering up that dick because you want me to be all up in love with you too.”

“What?” Jay’s feelings surged between outrage and shame, and he honestly had no way to defend himself.

He didn’t want to believe Asta’s terrible accusation, but wasn’t at least a part of that true? Did he just want to have sex in hopes that Asta would come to feel the same way about him if they did?

“I…” Jay stammered, still choking on air and not able to say a single word. “No… I…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Asta turned away from Jay. “I’m not in the mood anyway.”

“Oh.” Jay’s heart dropped, and he pulled the sheets up over himself. 

He felt like an absolute moron. He’d made a bad situation even worse, and whatever beautiful feelings were blossoming between them had been sent right into an incinerator. He hated that Asta wouldn’t even look at him right now, and he tried to reach for him.

“I’m really, really sorry,” Jay said. “Can we just go back to before I said that, please? Can we pretend it never happened?”

Asta grimaced. “I don’t think I can.”

“What? Why?”

“Those are not the kinda words you just throw around, okay?”

“But I wasn’t—”

“We’re done, babe.” Asta was out of bed in a flash, and a powerful portal brought them to the guest bedroom. 

It happened so seamlessly that Jay found himself in the guest bed still clutching Asta’s sheets that had come with him. He stared at Asta, staring dumbly as he tried to make sense of what he was saying. 

“Are you…” Jay squinted. 

“Oh, here.” Asta snapped his fingers. 

Jay flinched as his glasses appeared on his face. He adjusted them as he asked heatedly, “Are you seriously breaking up with me?”

“No.” Asta smiled sweetly. “We would have to be dating to break up, babycakes.” 

“Wow.” Jay’s heart shattered. “Fuck you.” 

“Ooo, ow, right in my feels.” Asta rolled his eyes. “I’m not looking for any end game raiding level type stuff, you dig? I don’t care about scoring any big server firsts. I just wanted to grind out some dailies with you. You know, I really wanted us to be… casual.” 

“I hate you so much for all of this but especially for every part of that stupid fucking analogy right now!”

“You can hate me all you want on your merry ol’ way back to Aeon. Enjoy your empty ass apartment.” 

“I fucking will!” Jay glared. “I’d rather it be fucking empty than filled with your insane ego!”

“I’d rather have a giant ego than whatever bonkers neuroses you have rattling around upstairs!”

Bonkers? Me?” Jay was shouting now. “Says the fucking guy who measures his worth by stupid in-game achievements and obsessed over all his Daddy issues!” 

“Daddy issues?”

“Yeah! Multiple volumes! Like, a whole fucking library!” 

Asta scowled, apparently struck speechless as he stood there glaring silently.

“Are you going or what?” Jay demanded, fighting against the tears burning his eyes. “I don’t have anything fucking else to say to you!”

“Could I get one last blowjob for the road?” Asta quipped.

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

Asta shrugged, and he grinned sheepishly. “Figured the worst you could say was no?”

“Oh, you stupid prick,” Jay seethed. “I’ve got plenty to say to you right now. For starters, you can go suck your own dicks and I hope you choke on them!” He angrily wiped his eyes. “This is a nightmare. It’s a fucking nightmare. And it just proves you really can’t help who you fall in love with because no one in their right mind would ever love you because you’re an epicly selfish manipulative asshole.


“No wonder you’re four hundred years old and still fucking alone.” Jay glared with all the fury he could muster, and he felt a sick satisfaction when Asta flinched. He turned sharply, rolling over so his back was to Asta and refusing to say another word. 

The pop of a portal signaled Asta’s exit. 

Jay looked up to make sure Asta had actually left, and he sniffed quietly. The tears came fast and hard, and he sobbed into the pillow. Part of his brain was still in shock. He couldn’t believe the horrible things Asta had said, much less all the mean stuff that he’d said himself in reply. 

How the fuck had something so wonderful gone wrong so quickly?

Yes, Asta was alone, as that big jerk deserved to be after that stunt…

But now so was Jay. 

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