Untouched Mussels: FREE Novella <3

Hello, my darlings! The longgg awaited mini-series for Jay and Asta is finally here! WOO! Although it is part of the Sucker For Love universe, I do believe that it can be read just fine as a standalone. Just know there’s ancient eldritch gods and lots of spicy cat monster people with hemi-penes and mild angst. There you go! xD

It is available to read for FREE here on my website! If you want to download a free ebook copy, you must be subscribed to my newsletter. Sign up HERE! You should get the BF link in your welcome email! If not, just click here! Remember that you must be subscribed for it to work!


Jay Tintenfisch and Asta the Asran Prince have had quite the exciting and steamy relationship goin’ on behind the scenes, and I’m so thrilled to finally bring you their story. We’re starting off right after the end of Head Over Tentacles when Jay leaves with Asta to go to Xenon so he can see Ted. From there, the timeline will bounce a bit over the next few months as things don’t exactly go according to plan for our little lovebirds. The epilogue will connect this mini-series to the ending of Inkredible Love so as to catch our guys up with the rest of the other characters.

Don’t worry! There will be zero spoilers because hey we already know there’s gonna be a big wedding for Grell and Ted ’cause Sloane and Loch got invited to it at the end of Insquidious Devotion. I would highly suggest you catch up with the whole series before diving into this, but I don’t think it’s required for enjoying it. Maybe. Uh. Mostly. Anyway!

I have been talking about writing this story for yEaRssss, and I am so glad I’ve finally finished it. There is hot smut, some light angst, and a very happy ending. I sincerely hope you all enjoy it. <333

Happy reading!


Untouched Mussels: Chapter 08

Chapter 8.

“Pumpernickel?” the gruff man scoffed. “What the fuck is that?”

“It’s a heavy but sweet rye bread, pretty tasty stuff, good for sandwiches,” Asta replied, smiling sweetly from where he was now standing behind the two men. “Oh! It’s also the magic word that summons me and makes you two assholes go poof.”

“What the–” The gruff man was not able to finish his sentence as he suddenly disappeared through a portal with a loud pop.

“Huh?” the other criminal stared stupidly. “Where, where did he go?”

“Don’t worry!” Asta patted the man’s shoulder. “You’re going there too!” He opened another portal and then kicked the man right in. 

The man screamed as he zoomed through, and Jay shuddered. He remained frozen against the side of his car, his chest heaving. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.”

He looked all around the parking lot in a panic, certain that someone had to have seen Asta portaling those two jerks away and was going to call the cops inside the store. Then again, no one had seen them trying to rob Jay, so perhaps people weren’t that observant.

Or, Jay thought grimly, they just didn’t care. 

Fortunately, no one was screaming for the police or trying to film them with a cell phone, so Jay allowed himself a relieved sigh.

Asta was wearing the same pajamas from this morning, and he reached for Jay. “Hey! Hey, are you okay?”

“I am. I’m okay. Just. Wow. That.” Jay shook his head. “I can’t fucking believe they did that. They, they tried to mug me, and, and, and–”

“Hey, let’s get you home, okay?”

“Aren’t you cold?” Jay noticed Asta was not wearing shoes.

“What? No, I got fur. You just can’t see it.” Asta smirked. “Two assholes just tried to shake you down and you’re worried about me?”

“Well… I… I just…” Jay surged forward to hug Asta tight, adrenaline still rushing through him and making his knees weak. 

The AVPD squad car was parked a few yards away, and those awful men hadn’t cared. They were bold enough to attack Jay knowing full well the police were right there, and Jay knew they could have killed him. It made him sick knowing they’d targeted him because he was Silenced, as there were numerous magical items in the world that could detect a person’s aura. 

They thought he’d be an easy mark, and there wouldn’t have been anything Jay could have done except bleed out if they’d wanted to hurt him. He would have ended up as an open case at the AVPD, another innocent victim of the city’s ongoing crisis.

But Asta had saved him.

Beautiful, wonderful, brave Asta.

“Can you please take me home?” Jay whispered urgently. 

“You got it, babycakes.” Asta held on tight and then whisked them away through a portal. 

They appeared in Jay’s bathroom, and the bathtub was already filling up with steaming hot water. 

“Bubble bath and that red wine you like coming right up,” Asta said as he rubbed Jay’s back soothingly. 

“Thank you.” Jay sighed. “God, those fucking assholes! This entire city has lost its damn mind! I… Fuck.” He clenched his teeth. “I was so fucking scared. I don’t think I even had time to feel it because it was happening so fast? And now I’m shaky and weird and angry–”

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay.” Asta kissed his brow. “You got your very own Asran prince on speed dial.”

“Thank you for coming so fast.”

“First time I think I’ve ever had a guy say that to me.” Asta winked slyly.

Jay couldn’t help but laugh. Even as stressed out as he was, Asta always seemed to know how to make him smile. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.” Asta smiled. “Now come on. Get naked and get yo’ butt in that tub. Relax. I’ll take care of everything.” 

“Thank you. You know, I was actually gonna cook dinner, and… oh! Shit! I left the groceries in the car.” 

“And they can stay in the car,” Asta fussed.

“Please.” Jay squeezed Asta’s hand. “I… I still really want to make dinner for us. I don’t wanna let some jerks ruin what I wanted to do.”

Asta nodded, and he nuzzled against Jay’s cheek. “All right, babycakes. Whatever you want.” He smirked. “But first get your fine ass in that tub.”

“Deal.” Jay smiled, and he leaned in for a soft kiss. 

Asta let the kiss linger for a long moment before he urged Jay to get into the tub. “Mmm, be right back.”

“Okay.” Jay watched Asta pop away through a portal, and he got undressed with a long sigh. His chest hurt as if he’d run a marathon, though he couldn’t be exactly sure since he’d hadn’t ever run a marathon and likely never would.

Still, the tight pressure currently squeezing on his ribs was what he imagined the result of terrible extraneous physical activity would be, and he didn’t like it. He eased himself into the tub, hissing as the hot water surrounded him. He sank down as far as he could, though he had to bend his knees to submerge his upper half.

Another pop signaled Asta’s return, and he kneeled beside the tub with a warm smile and a glass of wine in hand. “Hey. How we doin’?”

“We’re doing okay.” Jay smiled back. “Though I recall someone promising bubbles.”

“Pffft. Too easy.” Asta winked.

Not only was the tub overflowing with bubbles, but it was now twice the size it had once been.

“What the…?” Jay laughed. “How did you do that? How, how does it even fit inside this tiny bathroom?”

“Magic and a lot of willpower.” Asta smirked as he offered Jay the glass of wine.

Jay took the glass with a shake of his head, sitting up now that he could stretch out his legs. “You really are amazing.”

“So are you, you know.” Asta playfully flicked some of the bubbles. “How ya’ feelin’, babycakes?”

“Good. Better now that you’re here.” Jay took a small sip. “Where did you send those jerks anyway?”

“One of the perks of being a prince is having your very own dungeon. Don’t worry about them. I’ll sort them out later.” Asta ran his fingers through Jay’s hair. 

“The city’s really gone crazy.” Jay took a much bigger sip. 

“Yeah, well. Seeing an old god go marching down the street and then beat on a few buildings will do that, I guess.” 

“I feel like it’s gonna get worse before it gets better.” 

“I feel like you should take a mini vacay and come ride out the crazy with me in Xenon.” 

“Asta,” Jay scolded. “I can’t just leave work like that. I’ve already run up all my PTO and—”

“It’s so cute when you use words I don’t know.” 

“We should be taking things slow anyway. I don’t think shacking up again so soon is such a good idea.” 

“I would totally leave you alone,” Asta insisted. “You could go hang out with Cat Kicker and see Graham’s new freaky weird stuffie cat body. It’s like Chucky, but a cat.” 

“I’ll think about it.” Jay chuckled. 

“Him and my dad are busy planning the wedding, you know.” Asta rested his chin on the edge of the tub. “You could be my date, you know. Since we’re dating.” 

“Is that what we’re doing? Dating?” 

“I… I think so.” Asta’s smile was shy now. “Since I am madly in love with you, I think you being my boyfriend is the next logical thing, right?” 

Jay’s heart fluttered. “Yeah, I, I think it is.” 

Asta beamed. “Good. So, uh what’s after that?” 

“Well.” Jay tipped his wine glass back, finishing off what was left. “I think you need to get me more wine, and—” The glass refilled instantly. “Oh. Thank you. And now you need to get in here with me.” 

“Done and done, babycakes.” Asta was naked in a blink. “Scootch forward, I’m comin’ in!” 

Jay laughed at how eagerly Asta climbed into the tub behind him. Asta’s arms hugged Jay’s middle, and his legs stretched out on either side of Jay’s. Jay settled back against Asta’s chest and promptly melted. 

It was perfect. 

“I’ve never taken a bath with anyone before,” Jay said quietly. “I guess there’s a lot I haven’t done.” 

“That’s all right. I’m happy to claim any and all firsts I can.” Asta kissed Jay’s shoulder. 

“Like server firsts, huh?” 

“Nah. These… these are special.” Asta hugged him. 

Jay set his wine on the edge of the tub so he could drape his arms over Asta’s. He was warm, comfortable, and the tightness in his chest was fading away. He closed his eyes, surprised at how easy it would have been to drift off. 

Except he was getting hungry.

“Mm, I want to make dinner.” Jay blinked open his eyes. “I need to get out.”

“Hey, easy now. We will,” Asta soothed. “Also, I saw you didn’t get any garlic bread, so I took the liberty of procuring some from that grocery store. Those cops were pissed.” 


“One of the clerks said something real crazy too. He was screaming about how first it was their tree and now garlic bread.” Asta made a face. “Now that I think about it, I think that guy thought I was Azaethoth.” 

Jay laughed. “Yeah, that night I woke up. Didn’t Azaethoth steal a big palm tree or something?”

“Something.” Asta shrugged. “I’m more concerned with how anyone could confuse me for him.” 

“Don’t worry. I know how to tell you apart.” 


“You’re the cute one.” 

“That’s right. That’s what I like to hear.” Asta snickered, nuzzling sweetly against the side of Jay’s neck. “Stroke my ego, baby.”

Jay chuckled. “Mmm, I will. And stroke some other things too. And, uh, do some other things.” 

“We’ll do whatever you want.” Asta rubbed their feet together. “There’s still no rush. Not for anything, okay?”

“I’ll, uh, get back to you on dessert after dinner. How’s that?”

“Sounds good. As long as I’m eating, I’m happy.” 

Jay decided not to explore the obvious innuendo in that statement, content for now to cuddle with Asta in the tub. He liked the intimacy of this, how good it felt to be held, and he had a bit of a buzz by the time he finished the second glass of wine. The ache in his chest was now totally gone, as was the old thud he’d been carrying around in his heart for months.

He was happy. 

He knew it wasn’t perfect, not yet, but it was pretty damn close.

The grumble of Jay’s stomach meant it was time to finally leave the tub and make dinner, and Jay let Asta help him out. Asta fussed over Jay with a towel, choosing to dry him off by hand instead of using magic. Jay loved the attention and all the sweet kisses that came with it.

The matching pajamas covered in little cartoon wizards that Asta gave them to wear were also very comfortable. 

Asta perched on the kitchen counter while Jay pulled the ingredients he needed out of the fridge and pantry. Asta busied himself by summoning more wine, including a glass for himself to sip on while he watched. 

Jay cooked a simple sauce and left it to simmer while he boiled the pasta. He had to swat Asta away from the garlic bread so he could get it in the oven, and then all that was left to do was wait for the timer to go off. 

Asta chugged his wine and then leapt from the counter, practically tackling Jay.

“What in the world?” Jay laughed. “What are you doing?”

“I am going to dance with you.” Asta wrapped an arm around Jay’s waist. “Hurry up and drink your wine.”

“Dance? What? Right now?” Jay laughed again, but he raised his glass up.

“Yes, right now.” Asta smirked. “Why not?”

“There’s no music.”


“As Long as You Love Me” by the Backstreet Boys started playing, and Jay laughed.

“Come on,” Asta urged. “We only have three minutes and forty seconds.”

“Mm, I’m comin’!” Jay paused to finish off the last sip of his wine so he could put the glass on the counter. He put his arm on Asta’s shoulder and took his hand, hoping this was the right position for dancing. He honestly had no idea.

If he was wrong, Asta didn’t correct him. He held him just like that, and he hummed along with the song as he led Jay around the kitchen in a lazy circle.

“Of course you’re leading,” Jay teased.

“Duh. Prince.” Asta winked playfully. He leaned forward until their foreheads touched, letting out a very contented sigh. “I really did miss you… and when you called me earlier? I… I was scared out of my fuckin’ mind. I knew somethin’ was wrong, and… I’m just trying to say that I’m really, really fuckin’ glad you’re okay.”

Jay’s heart thumped, and he squeezed Asta’s hand. “Thank you. For coming to my rescue. For being brave and thoughtful and everything else. I… I’ve never really had a lot of people I can depend on, but I knew you’d come. I knew it.”

Asta kissed his cheek. “Always, babycakes.”

As if on cue, the timer dinged.

Jay knew he needed to go get the food, but he couldn’t resist leaning up for a kiss. He didn’t mean for the kiss to get quite so hot, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how Asta had totally kicked those would-be muggers’ asses and wow, it was actually kinda sexy to see Asta in action like that. 

Great. Now Jay was horny.

Asta kissed back with equal passion, but he mumbled, “Mmm, don’t start nothin’ you can’t finish right now.”

“Mmph. Yup. Food. Food first.”

“Uh-huh, but okay, hear me out. Counter offer.” Asta mouthed down Jay’s jaw. “We get the food out, but it’s gotta cool down, right? So, we go to bed while the food cools down, and–”

“Let’s go.” Jay zoomed back into the kitchen to take out the garlic bread so fast that it was comical. 

Asta had the pasta strained with a snap of his fingers, and he immediately rushed into Jay’s arms to reignite their kiss. He was clearly as turned on as Jay was, rutting his hips forward and dragging his nails through Jay’s hair. 

Jay fumbled his way over to the bedroom, still trying to keep the kiss going and avoid furniture. He gasped when Asta magically transported them into his bed. “Uh, impatient?”

“Uh, have you met me?” Asta grinned and stretched out on his back, pulling Jay on top of him. “Impatient is my middle fuckin’ name!” 

“No, it’s not.” Jay laughed. “It’s desu Crem Dianah Kane Bavar–”

“Shut up and make out with me, you sexy motherfucker.”

The kiss turned to boiling fast, and any concern Jay had for the pasta getting sticky or the sauce burning was annihilated in the wake of his lust. Asta was pawing at his clothes and Jay at his, and everything peeled away until there was nothing left between them.

The connection of bare skin made Jay shiver, and his cock was achingly hard. He had so many strong emotions and nowhere to put them except to kiss Asta harder, wanting something he couldn’t define. Between reuniting with Asta and almost being mugged, it had been a hell of a day, and he wanted to keep chasing this wonderful feeling that was brewing right now.

It was hot, fleeting, but wonderful when he tasted it there on Asta’s tongue.

Jay’s hips shifted as he turned his head to take the kiss deeper, and his cock slipped between Asta’s legs. He flinched away when he realized it was pressing right there in a very specific area, namely Asta’s asshole, and he mumbled, “Sorry, I…”

“It’s okay.” Asta spread his legs, arching up to urge Jay to keep going.

Jay groaned as his cock rubbed against Asta’s warm tender skin, and he swore he was about to slide right inside of him. The desire to keep pushing into that inviting heat was staggering, and it would be so easy to thrust forward just a few inches and…


Was this it? Were they finally going to do it? Right now?

Asta’s firm hand on Jay’s ass definitely seemed to be encouraging it, but Jay’s nerves got the better of him. He didn’t know what to do. Well, he understood the basic concept of what went where, but he was so completely out of his element that he froze up on the spot.

“Jay?” Asta nuzzled his cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Jay stared at Asta with wide eyes. He couldn’t catch his breath, and he felt a little dizzy. “Wait, wait… do you…? Do you want me to…?”

“Want you to dick me down in the worst fuckin’ way? Yeah.” Asta flashed a toothy smile. “I really do. But only if you’re ready, babycakes.”

“I… I don’t know what to do.” Jay glanced away, grimacing as his erection wilted. His anxiety was out of control now, and he didn’t want his first time to be a disaster–

“Hey. Hey, you. Yes, you. Come here. Look at me.” Asta gently coaxed Jay to meet his eyes again. He smiled warmly and pressed a soft kiss to Jay’s lips as he whispered, “I love you. I will love you for fuckin’ ever, and if you wanna wait to be all up inside me? Then we wait. As long as I’m with you, that’s all I fuckin’ care about.”

Jay’s heart soared, and his cock throbbed. 

Asta had said it. He’d said he loved Jay, and somehow that was all Jay needed.

“I love you.” Jay’s heart was ready to burst, and he smiled so hard his cheeks hurt. “I love you so much.”

“Does that mean you’re stickin’ it in me or are we waiting? Because I’m so down either way, but–”

“No,” Jay said firmly. “I’m not just going to stick it in you.” He held his head high, knowing full well what he was about to say sounded corny, but he didn’t care. “I am going to make love to you. All night long and into the morning. Maybe even all day tomorrow too. I want you. Right now.”

“Jay,” Asta murmured, his lashes fluttering as he gazed adoringly up at Jay. He hugged Jay’s neck, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m yours, baby. I’m all fuckin’ yours.”

Jay kissed him, summoning his courage as he reached down to guide his cock. His fingers were trembling, and he was panting frantically, letting Asta’s passionate kisses urge him onward. The head of his dick was right there, pushing up against Asta’s hole, and he–“Wait, wait.”

“What is it, baby?” Asta scratched Jay’s scalp gently. “What’s the matter?”

“Don’t we need to… you know.” Jay sighed. “Get you ready.”

“Magical asshole, baby. I’ve been ready for you since I met you.”

Jay wrinkled his nose.

“You know, not literally.” Asta grinned. “It’s okay, baby. You’re not gonna hurt me. We’ll go slow, okay? Nice and easy.” 

“Y-Yeah. Nice and easy.” Jay took a deep breath. “I love you.”

Asta’s hand joined Jay’s on his cock, and he slowly pushed the head of his cock in. “Mmm, I love you too.”

Jay had every opportunity to pull back, but he didn’t want to. This was it. He was going to do it. The second he felt that tight, wet heat hugging his dick, he moaned helplessly, and he wanted more. “I love you. Fuck. I love you, I love you,” he babbled. “F-Fuck, Asta, I love you so much.”

“Breathe,” Asta soothed, his voice trembling as Jay pushed deeper. “There you go, ah, mm, baby… ah, gods!”

Jay was worried he’d gone too fast and tried to withdraw. “Sorry, I’m sorry!”

“No, don’t you dare!” Asta grabbed Jay’s ass with both hands and pulled him back. “Mmm, keep going. Come on, baby.” 

Jay rolled his hips forward and his cock pushed in deeper. The hot friction was explosive and positively electric, and he groaned low, totally unprepared for just how good it felt. He stared at Asta, enraptured by his blissed out expression and the way his chest heaved as Jay continued to thrust.

“Asta.” Jay whimpered when his cock was fully sheathed inside of Asta, and his balls swelled with the urge to blow. He froze, trying to catch his breath and fighting back the intense pressure. He kissed Asta as his pulse pounded where their bodies were so intimately connected, and he whispered, “You feel so good… oh, baby. You feel so fucking good.”

“So do you,” Asta mewled as his hand fanned over Jay’s back. “By all the gods… I’m so fuckin’ full.” He sighed contentedly, smiling wide. “You can move, you know. That’s allowed.”

“I… I might come,” Jay confessed bashfully. “I’m, like, right there already. I’m so sorry–”

“Then come, babycakes.” Asta’s eyes flickered, and he ground his ass down on Jay’s cock. “Come for me. Give it to me. Trust me. Mmm, I’ll make sure you’re coming all night.”

Jay gasped, the sudden friction giving way to a burst of pleasure that made him ache inside. He thrust awkwardly as he chased more of that fantastic feeling, and he wrapped himself all around Asta. He knew it wouldn’t last long, not with how Asta was moving with him and squeezing down on his dick, but Jay wanted to try.

He ducked his head against Asta’s throat, breathing in his scent and mouthing over his skin. He had his arms underneath him, and his hands found a grip on Asta’s shoulders to pull him into his thrusts. Jay was finding a steady rhythm now, listening to Asta’s delicious moans and figuring out what he seemed to like the most. 

Once he’d honed in on the most pleasurable angle, Jay slammed as hard as he could, pounding into Asta’s tight body with everything he had. He wasn’t thinking clearly, functioning alone on pure instinct, but he knew he wanted to make Asta come. 

Asta was way ahead of him, his hands now pumping his cocks between their writhing bodies. He moaned wantonly, rocking his hips down to collide with Jay’s frantic slams. “There, there you go! Fuck, yes! Come on, baby. Mmm, gods yes. Harder. Fuckin’ harder! Yes, like that, just like that! Mm, you’re gonna fuck the come right of me!”

Jay surrendered to the overwhelming bliss, his voice cracking as he groaned, “Asta… Gods, I’m coming, I’m–!” His orgasm crashed into him like a freight train, and his pulse pounded as all the blood in his body zoomed to his loins to power his climax. He could feel his come pulsing deep inside of Asta’s body, and it was so intense that Jay’s eyes watered.

He kept thrusting to make the feeling last, and he watched Asta’s face scrunch and his lips part with a deep moan as he came. Asta’s hole was clenching so tightly around Jay’s dick that it almost hurt, and Jay didn’t stop fucking him, trying to ensure that Asta’s bliss matched his own.

“Jay, baby, oh fuckin’ baby, yes!” Asta curled his body off the bed as he pushed down to grind on Jay’s cock, still in the throes of his climax. “Yes, fuck!” 

Jay shuddered, lost in the whirlwind of pleasure as he continued to pump his cock into Asta’s slick hole. It was slippery now with his come, and he loved the aching zings as he approached his body’s limit. He swore the rhythmic squeeze of Asta’s body was drawing his cock in farther, and he felt buzzed in a way he couldn’t explain.

His chest was light and fluttery, his stomach was bubbly like he’d just ridden a roller coaster. His muscles were full of static, and he was certain the temperature inside his bedroom had risen at least a thousand degrees. He smiled down at Asta, taking in his flushed cheeks and glassy eyes, and he had to kiss him.

The kiss was slow, sweet, and Jay cupped Asta’s cheek to take the kiss deeper. 

He’d done it.

Jay had made love to his boyfriend for the very first time.

And wow, it had been beyond anything Jay could have ever imagined.

His cock was heavy and sensitive, but he didn’t want to pull out yet. He wanted to stay as close to Asta as he could, and he hugged him tight. “Asta… baby. That… That was…”

“Fuckin’ awesome,” Asta finished for him with a dramatic moan. “Are you sure that was your first time? Because fuckin’ me-owww.” 

Jay grinned, and he snuggled in close. Asta’s legs squeezed his hips, and he kissed the tip of Asta’s nose. “Really?”


“You were amazing,” Asta promised sincerely. “It was… Well, shit.” He laughed. “It was about the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Jay snorted. “Now I know you’re just saying that.”

“No.” Asta beamed. “It was the fuckin’ best because it was the first time it meant something.” He kissed Jay sweetly. “Mm, also worth mentioning, who the hell knew you could fuck like that?”

Jay barked out a loud laugh, and he blushed. “I, I’m sorry it was kinda quick.”

“It’s okay.” Asta wiggled his nose. “Oh, hey. Look at that. You’re ready to go again.”

Jay blinked, surprised to feel his cock was indeed swelling back to full hardness. The ache of overstimulation was fading as well, and he groaned as he tentatively slid out and back into Asta’s hole. “W-Wow.” 

“Uh-huh.” Asta wagged his eyebrows. 

“I, uh, take it that means you want to go again?”

“You’re  damn right I do.” Asta dragged Jay back in for another kiss, licking into his mouth and slapping a hand down on his ass.

Jay yelped at the smack, but he started rolling his again, thrusting his cock in deep, steady strokes. Though the feverish pace before had been fun, he wanted to take his time now. 

He explored Asta’s body, bracing himself on his elbow so his other hand could travel along Asta’s side. He caressed his hips, squeezing there as he thrust and loving how Asta groaned. He rubbed Asta’s thigh, and he gasped as Asta lifted his leg up higher in reply. 

It made Asta feel tighter, and Jay tried to resist the urge to slam harder. 

“Mmm, come here.” Asta hooked his leg over Jay’s shoulder, practically folding himself in half as he stretched his arms over his head. 

“F-Fuck.” Jay gawked at the splendid vision of Asta contorted beneath him, and he grinned stupidly. “By all the gods, you’re fuckin’ beautiful.”

“I know.” Asta winked. “Now show me, babycakes.” 

Jay adjusted to the new position, and then tentatively pushed forward. 

Oh, that was nice.

He leaned back as he thrust, reaching now for his headboard to brace himself. He loved the velvety slide of his cock entering Asta’s body, and it was so easy to get lost in. It was a mix of heat, pressure, and explosions of incomparable pleasure. There were these magical moments when their eyes would meet just as Jay pushed in all the way, and he would swear their souls touched. 

Asta was not content to simply lay there and let Jay take charge, however. It didn’t take long before he was squirming to get on top of Jay, playfully pinning him on his back and straddling his hips with a ravenous grin.

“Was, was I not doing it right?” Jay asked worriedly.

“Oh, you were doing it fuckin’ great,” Asta assured him, “but I really wanna ride your dick, babycakes.” He guided Jay’s hands to his hips as he sank back down on Jay’s cock, letting out a happy mewl of delight. “F-Fuck, you feel so fuckin’ good. Mmm, I think there is some magic in you.”

“Let me guess. It’s in my dick?” Jay laughed.

“Definitely in your dick.” Asta winked as he started to move, rolling his hips in slow circles.

Jay took a deep breath, watching Asta’s lean stomach flex as he ground down on his cock. The tight heat was amazing, and the sweltering pressure building around the head of his dick as Asta rode him made Jay’s toes curl in the sheets. 

He had no idea what to do with his hands at first, and simply holding Asta’s hips was awkward. He went for his thighs next, feeling Asta’s strong muscles tensing as he continued to fuck himself on Jay’s dick. He soon found that his favorite thing to watch was Asta’s face–the little twitches of his lips, the way his lashes would flutter just so, and the flash of his sharp teeth when he moaned loud.

Asta went faster and faster before he’d slow down to a taunting crawl, only to ride Jay hard again. Jay figured out he could thrust up into Asta, timing it just right so he was arching into him right as Asta was pushing down. The resulting collision was mind-shatteringly good, and Jay moaned alongside Asta as they moved together to create that devastating pleasure over and over again. 

“Asta,” Jay warned, “I’m-I’m getting really close.”

“Me too.” Asta was speeding up again with no signs of slowing down this time. “Please, mmm, grab my dicks, baby. Come on.”

Jay immediately reached for Asta’s cocks, taking one in each hand and jerking him off. He dug his heels into the bed to give himself more leverage as he fucked up into Asta, shuddering at the passionate way Asta started crying out. He loved how sexy he sounded, and he urged him on. “Come on, baby. Come on. Almost, fuck, almost there!”

Asta threw his head back with a loud sob, and his cocks simultaneously pulsed thick loads across Jay’s stomach. His body squeezed down on Jay’s dick as he frantically rode him, teetering forward to catch himself on Jay’s chest. “F-Fuck! Yes!” 

“Oh, mm, fuck! Asta!” Jay hugged him close, smothering kisses along his throat as he tried to keep pounding into him. The ferocious grind of Asta’s ass was intoxicating in these intense moments, and Jay surrendered another climax with a sharp gasp. As their bodies pressed flush, Jay did truly feel they’d become one being, and he whimpered as their lips crashed together in a fierce kiss.

The steady throb of Asta’s hole hugging his cock was intense, and Jay’s own pulse thumped there in time as he slowly emerged from the fog of his orgasm. He felt heavy, tired, and he rubbed Asta’s back, trying to soothe an unexpected tremble.

“Asta? Are you okay?” Jay murmured.

“I’m great.” Asta’s voice cracked, and his eyes were damp. “I’m so fuckin’ great.” 

Jay was shocked to see Asta so vulnerable, and it was humbling to know he was the cause. He massaged Asta’s back with steady caresses, and he kissed his cheek. He was dying to ask if it had really been okay, but he didn’t want to spoil such a sweet moment with his insecurities.

As if somehow sensing his worries, Asta said, “That was fuckin’ perfect, babycakes.” He kissed his lips softly. “Fuckin’ perfect.” 

“Yeah?” Jay grinned.

“Yup.” Asta grunted as he rolled off Jay, flopping down beside him. He draped his arm over Jay’s chest as he buried his head into the crook of his shoulder, stretching his legs out. “I mean, we’re gonna need to do it a bunch more to be totally sure, but yeah, pretty damn perfect.”

Jay chuckled, sliding his arm around Asta’s shoulder to hold him close. “I think that can totally be arranged because, yeah, wow, I… I don’t even have the words. It was amazing.” He kissed Asta’s brow. “I’m really glad I waited.” 

“Worth it.” Asta hooked his leg over Jay’s and snuggled in tight. “I love you, Jay.”

“I love you too, Asta.” Jay smiled. 

Asta peeked up at him. “So, technically, we do have a raid we could go join…”


“Or we could keep fucking all night like tweaked out bunnies on prom night.” 

Making love, like tweaked out bunnies.” 

“Okay, look. The first time we did it was a nice mix of making love with some light fucking. Then we had some more making love and I rode your cock in a very making love manner.” Asta grinned slyly. “Next time? We are totally fucking.” 

“I, uh…” Jay licked his lips, a new surge of heat already brewing in his loins. “I think I can handle that.”

Asta yawned suddenly. “Mmm, after a word from our sponsors. And a snack.” 

“A break? We still haven’t eaten the dinner I made.” Jay chuckled. “A break sounds good though.” 

“But only a quick one, babycakes. Eat fast. Because then we’re fuckin’.”

“You got it.” 

Jay closed his eyes, using this moment to take stock of the many new sensations he was experiencing. 

His hips and back were twinging in unusual places, probably from flexing in ways they hadn’t before tonight. His mind was a stream of erotic images of his favorite moments from being with Asta, and flashes of Asta’s many beautiful blissed out expressions rolled through his head like a slideshow. His cock felt sort of weird now, cold and a little sore, but the warm glow washing over him in heady waves was epic. 

He’d done it. He’d made love to the man he adored more than anything in the world, and…


For the very time in his life, Jay really did feel magical.

<– PREV | THE END…? –>

Untouched Mussels: Chapter 07

Chapter 7.

Into the raid they went, a new dungeon called the Dark Savant’s Labyrinth, and Jay joined up with Asta’s guild. It was a fifteen man raid, which meant that there were thirteen other unique players fighting alongside them. 

Jay was stunned when he saw some of the player’s names:

AltheidesXX, aka Al, a legendary champion who competed in player-versus-player tournaments for real-world money and was undefeated. 

Vi Domina, a fire mage who went viral on the internet for her wicked taunts during a failed raid and was also known as an expert player. 

And Brofessional, who was famous for, well…

He sounded just like Barry White despite being reportedly only sixteen. 

Jay was rubbing virtual elbows with some of the most well-known Crusaders players in the world, and he felt suddenly very out of his league. Not to mention the fact they were raising a brand new dungeon—they were up against new bosses, bosses no one had yet defeated because they were only a few hours old and people were still working out the battle mechanics. 

“Asta,” Jay said quietly, “I don’t think I’m geared for this.”

“Pffft. You’re fine.” Asta snorted. “I vouched for you.” 


“Oh! One quick teeny tiny thing before we jump over into the guild’s Strife channel.” 


“I maybe sort of told them you’re dying of a terrible super fatal disease—”

“Asta! What the fuck?”

“How else was I gonna get them to say yes? Fighters suck!”

“You motherfu—!” Jay groaned when he heard the ding of Asta leaving their voice channel. “Great. This is just great.” He took a deep breath and then clicked over to join the big group channel where everyone else was. 

“—here. ‘Sup bitches,” Asta was saying. 

“Hey, Bob,” the deep voice of Brofessional rumbled. “You ready for this shit or what?”

“Fuckin’ ready! Let’s go!” Asta cheered. 

Jay muted his mic, and he got in position with the rest of the raid as they prepared to enter the instance. The first boss was relatively certain, a dynamic commonly referred to as a “tank and spank” because there was no real strategy to defeat them. Bolstered by a quick victory, the raid moved on to the next in high spirits.

It was the Magna Dane, a powerful wizard with incredible abilities. He had appeared in earlier parts of the game, but this was the first time players were able to fight him. Jay was excited because he knew the lore of the game well, and the fact that the Magna Dane was willing to do battle meant his patron demon, T’Shober, might be making an appearance.

The battlefield was a large ballroom, and the Magna Dane stood in the center. There did not appear to be any other obstacles, no readily apparent traps, and the guild was feeling pretty good considering how easy the first boss had been. They charged right in, and then…

Everyone wiped.

That is to say, they died miserably.

As soon as a player got close to the Magna Dane, they were struck by a strange damaging effect called “The Dane’s Touch”. It was a cold spell that froze the players and slowed them down. It stacked up fast.

Really fast.

By the time a player reached a fifth level of the effect, they were dead. 

As the guild respawned and got grouped back together in front of the entrance to the ballroom, the raid leaders–Asta, Vi, Altheidies, and Brofessional–argued about what to do next. Once the group was ready, they tried again.

Asta and Brofessional thought it might require a similar tactic to an old raid boss where players had to advance in small groups before getting to attack, so they did that.

Each small group suffered the same slow frozen death until the entire raid died again.

And again.

And again.

By the ninth attempt, everyone was screaming at each other in the voice chat and Jay had to take off his headset to save his ears. Nothing they’d tried so far worked. No previously known mechanic applied to the battle, every attempted strategy had failed, and many players were frustrated. 

After an in-game death, characters incurred repair costs to fix their gear, and it was getting expensive. Not to mention that people were running out of potions and scrolls, and it was decided that they were going to take a brief intermission so players could restock and get ready to go again.

Asta sent Jay a private chat message through the game:

Having fun yet, babycakes?

The pet name made Jay smile, and he typed back:

A blast. I love spending 200g for a valiant death in battle.

Jay hesitated, and then he added:

You know, there might be something we can try. It might be kinda crazy, but you know how T’Shober really hated dancing? But we’re in a ballroom? It might just work. 

Jay flinched when he heard the chat application ding. He was being pulled into another channel, and he said, “Uh, hello?”

“Hey,” Asta said. “Talk to me, babycakes.”

“What’s this idea you have?” Vi asked.

“Tell us,” Brofessional pleaded.

Altheides, presumably, grunted.

“O-Oh. I…” Jay gulped anxiously. “Right, so…”

In the game, Asta moved Bob over to give Jay’s fighter a hug and then cheered at him.

It made Jay smile, and he took a deep breath.

“In the original Bane of the Cosmic Forge,” he began, “the Magna Dane makes a pact with the demon T’Shober–”

“We already know that,” Vi cut in. “Everybody knows that!”

“Yeah, well, what you may not know is how they met. They were friends for a super long time before T’Shober revealed himself as a demon and offered the pact. It’s never actually shown in the game, but it’s in the novelization. The Magna Dane befriended T’Shober when he saw him leaving the royal ball. T’Shober says he left because he hated all the dancing. The Magna Dane says that he doesn’t like the dancing either, but it’s a great way to break the ice.” 

“Holy shit.” Asta cackled. “That’s fucking genius.”

“What?” Vi scoffed. “What are we saying to do?”

“We should try spamming the dance emote when we’re hit with that icy debuff,” Jay said firmly. “If I’m right and this is meant to be a reference to how T’Shober and the Magna Dane met, we have to dance out of it to break it before it stacks too high.”

“That’s… insane.”

“I’m so down,” Brofessional rumbled. “Fuck it. We’ve tried everything else!”

“Altheides?” Vi prompted.

There was a long pause.

“Let’s go,” a deep, growling voice said.

“Fuck yeah!” Asta cheered. “You heard the man. Let’s fuckin’ do this!”

They all moved back into the main guild chat channel so Vi and Brofessional could explain the new plan. Some people were doubtful, but overall everyone was eager to make another attempt with the new strategy. The guild regrouped in front of the ballroom entrance, waited for Brofessional to count down, and they surged back inside to attack.

Jay’s heart was pounding at a thousand miles per second, and he hoped that this was going to work. In his head, it had made perfect sense, but he was terrified now that he was wrong and he’d just made a total fool of himself in front of some of the best players in the world.

The first wave of the Dane’s Touch hit, and the affected players quickly launched their dance emotes. 


It worked.

A quick gyration of the characters’ digital hips and a wave of their arms removed the debuff immediately.

“Fuck yeah, Jay!” Asta cheered triumphantly. “Look! It’s dropping! Just keep dancing in between attacks, guys! It’s gonna work!”

“Sending out a macro in chat to automatically spam dancing emotes for everyone’s attack rotation!” Vi exclaimed. “Keep it going!”

With the threat of the Dane’s Touch neutralized, the rest of the battle was relatively easy. Once the Magna Dane’s health dropped to fifty percent, he started attacking individual players and freezing them in giant blocks of ice. 

Jay quickly ran his character over to Vi Domina’s avatar and hit the dance emote. Dancing on the ice shattered it, and Vi quickly ordered, “Dance on the ice! Everybody dance on the ice to get people out!”

It was a little hectic for the last half of the battle as everyone was frantically trying to break ice and escape the Magna Dane’s other spells, but his health continued to drop.

Ten percent.

Five percent.

And then–dead! 

Jay yanked off his headset when everyone cheered, and he gasped when he saw a banner flash across the screen: 

SERVER FIRST! Defeated the Magna Dane! 

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!” Jay gasped.

The achievement meant they were the first ones on the server to beat this boss. Out of thousands of other players, they had done it before anyone else.

And it was all thanks to Jay.

The guild was cheering Jay’s name so loudly that he could hear it through the headset even though he’d taken it off. The chat log was blowing up with everyone singing Jay’s praises, including Altheides, Vi, and Brofessional thanking him for his great idea.

Asta sent him a private message as well:

You kicked ass, babycakes. Congrats on your first ever server-first! 

Jay smiled warmly.

From there, the rest of the dungeon was a breeze. They raided for hours against lower level mobs and monsters, but it was almost two o’clock in the morning by the time they reached the next boss. Some of the other players were starting to tap out, complaining of exhaustion and wanting to crash. 

Altheides decided to call it a night and asked the guild to come back tomorrow morning to pick up where they left off.

He invited Jay back personally. 

Jay thanked him for the invite, but he did have to go to work tomorrow.

Everyone booed at that, but Asta shushed them by shouting, “Shut your dumb word dumpsters, assholes. He’s welcome back any damn time and we will be honored to have him. The end!”

“Thanks, Asta.” Jay smiled warmly. “And thanks again for the server first. I, I really had fun tonight. Good night everybody.” 

“How much time does he have left exactly?” Jay heard Vi asking as he exited the chat.

Jay snorted out a quick laugh, and he saw that Asta had sent him a link to Bob’s Love Chat again. It was late, but maybe he could talk for just a few more minutes. He did want to tell Asta what a great time he had, and it would be the polite thing to do.

Then again, he did have to be up for work in a few hours. He wasn’t sure if talking to Asta was such a good idea either. Even if Asta was being so very nice to him…

No, especially because Asta was being so nice. 

It made it too easy to forget how awful Asta had been, and Jay’s old feelings were bubbling up fast. Tonight had been the most fun he’d had in months, and he was overjoyed that his rare lore knowledge had literally saved the day.

Well, in the game anyway.

Jay might not be able to do much for the insane crises popping up left and right in Archersville, but it felt pretty good that he’d been able to get a big win in a virtual world.

Fuck it.

Jay clicked the link. 

“That. Was. Fucking. Amazing,” Asta gushed, taking the time to enunciate each word. “You are a fucking genius!”

“Thank you!” Jay beamed. “And thanks for, you know, vouching for me and all that. I really didn’t know if it was gonna work–”

“Of course you did!” Asta laughed. “You’re so fuckin’ smart, and I think you might actually know the game better than me. I’d completely forgotten about those damn books.” 

“I still have them!” Jay chuckled. “First editions, every last one.”

“God, you’re so hot when you say shit like that.”

Jay rubbed his face where his cheeks were getting warm. “Hey, quit that now.”

“Sorry.” Asta did not sound very sorry. “Can’t help it.”

“Uh-huh.” Jay rolled his eyes. “Thank you for the invite, the raid was awesome, and I am very, very happy to have a server first. But–”

“But nothing! We should celebrate!”

“Celebrate?” Jay hesitated. “It’s like two in the morning, Asta.”

“I sense the need for late night sushi.”

Jay’s stomach grumbled. “I mean… maybe.” 

“Come on. A very friendly sushi dinner hang out thing. How about it?”

“You mean, like… in person?” 

“Or I could just poof it over there for you. We could still hang out in chat for a little while.” Asta cleared his throat. “I can do that, you know.” 

“I know, I just, uh, I’m thinking.” 

Jay’s immediate inclination was to say yes, but other parts of his brain were screaming what a terrible decision that would be. Although he’d enjoyed himself tonight, he did have doubts about how it would be to see Asta again in person. It had been so long, and he didn’t know what he’d do. 

Well, it wasn’t like he was going to throw himself at Asta the second he saw him.

Jay had some self-control. 

He wasn’t some kind of animal. He could share a friendly meal with his ex-whatever Asta was and keep his hands to himself.

Whether or not Asta would, well, that was a risk Jay realized he was willing to take.

“Think away,” Asta said with a smile in his voice. “I’ll be right here.”

“Okay,” Jay said almost immediately.


“I said, yeah, okay.” Jay cleared his throat. “Just, uh, give me like… ten minutes?”

“Sure thing. California rolls and sashimi?”

“Yes, please. That’s, that sounds good.” 

“Okay!” Asta sounded excited. “Ten minutes. Yup. I’ll be there.”

“Okay! Uh, see you then! Good night! I mean, no, I’ll see you in a minute!”

“Ten of ‘em. You got it.”


Jay flew out of his chair so fast that he’d forgotten he still had his headset on. He yelped as it popped off his ears, but he didn’t bother trying to fix it. He had to get ready.

He didn’t have enough time to take a shower, so he plastered on a new coat of deodorant and a big spray of cologne after changing into a T-shirt and jeans. He checked his reflection out in the mirror, tried to fluff his hair into something resembling a style, and then scolded himself for trying to look good for something that was definitely not a date in the slightest.

Nope, not a date at all.

Even so, his heart was pounding hard and his palms were getting sweaty.

Shit, shit, shit. 

Ten minutes came and went in the blink of an eye, and Jay shouted when he stepped into his living room and found Asta lounging across his couch.

Of course, he was naked except for a pair of blood red sunglasses.

“Ah!” Asta shouted back playfully, flashing a toothy smile. “Hey, what’s up?”

Blushing to the bone, Jay put his back to Asta. “Could you, uh, maybe–”

“Right! Yeah.” Asta chuckled. “All naughty bits are now appropriately covered.” 

“How are you defining appropriate?”

“I have pajamas on, I promise!”

Jay hesitated to look, but he had to turn around eventually. He was relieved to find Asta wearing red flannel pants that matched his sunglasses. The sight of Asta’s bare chest was enticing, and–no! 

Nope, nope, nope.

“Shirt?” Jay pressed.

“Are my boobs distracting you?”

Jay crossed his arms, refusing to answer and glaring expectantly.

“Eesh, all right.” Asta shook his head. “I know my body is magically delicious, it’s okay. I’ll remove the glorious temptation that is my scrumptious flesh.” He smirked as a tight black T-shirt appeared, clinging to his lean torso.

Somehow, that just made it worse. 

“Thank you.” Jay offered a small smile.

“Sure thing.” Asta stood, tugging on the hem of his new shirt. He approached cautiously, and he was staring at Jay as if he was about to pounce. “You look really good, Jay.”

“Uh, thanks.” Jay’s fingers went right for his glasses to adjust them even though they didn’t need to be. His pulse was fluttery and weird, and he had the wildest urge to take a step back when Asta got close. “You… You do too.”

Asta smiled, and it lit up the whole damn apartment. 

“I…” Asta’s mouth closed, and his shoulders sagged. 

Gone was the confident prince Jay knew, and before him was an unsure young man whose bright eyes were full of a deep yearning that took Jay’s breath away. 

Jay hugged his arms around himself to help dampen the urge to reach out to Asta. Time seemed to stop except for the light glittering in Asta’s eyes, shifting and shimmering like it was being reflected off sparkling bits of gold. 

It was positively mesmerizing, so hypnotic that Jay didn’t even realize how close Asta was until Asta’s hands were on Jay’s hips. 

The physical contact made the room spin in a hectic blur, and Jay braced himself on Asta’s chest. They fit together so well, and his heart pounded its way up the back of his throat until it was hard to breathe. 

“I’m so sorry,” Asta said quietly. “I’ve been hoping every day that there would be some kind of great miracle and maybe, just maybe… you’d forgive me.” 

Jay’s heart thudded with the throb of old wounds being reopened, but they were nothing compared to the ache of desire steamrolling  right over them. He knew he’d be a fool to take Asta back, especially so soon after reconnecting, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was exactly where he was supposed to be. 

Right here—with Asta’s arms around him. 

“Well.” Jay swallowed back the swell of emotions threatening to choke him. “You can see the future, right?” 

“Sometimes, yeah. But I’ve never seen anything about us.” Asta’s upper lip twitched. “At first, it kinda scared me that I didn’t know if we had a future. But after I was a giant prick of legendary proportions, uh, it gave me more of that hope feeling.” 


“Well. Not seeing a future with you is sure as hell better than seeing a future without you in it.” Asta smiled sadly. “Made me think there might be a way. To maybe, well, to maybe try again.” 

“Asta, you… you really hurt me.” Jay blinked rapidly, fighting off frustrated tears. “I know I fell for you really hard, really fast—”

“I know, I know you did, and I’m the world’s biggest idiot for not understanding what I was feeling, okay?”

Jay tensed. “What are you talking about?” 

“Jay, I’ve never wanted anyone like you. I wanted you when I was still your damn cat, and yes, maybe, I was a dickhole to Ted sometimes because I was jealous. I wanted to be with you on the couch watching dumb movies and hanging out. I wanted to be your friend, and then I wanted to be a lot more than a friend.” Asta cupped Jay’s cheek. “When I finally got my chance, I—”

“You fucked up. I know.” Jay shuddered, but he leaned into Asta’s touch like he was starved for it. “It happened too fast, and you hadn’t had enough time to catch up to me emotionally, I get it.”  

“No, Jay…” Asta laughed softly. “What I’m trying to say is… you were really just catching up to me.” 


“Jay Tintenfisch,” Asta said with a sweet smile, “I fell in love with you when I was still pretending to be your damn cat, and I didn’t even know it. I, I’ve never been in love before, and wow, it is so utterly fucking terrifying. Especially since I didn’t figure it out until after I had already ruined everything.”

Jay’s heart continued its frantic dance, and he clung to Asta’s chest. “Why… why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I have no idea what’s gonna happen. I have no fucking clue what the future holds for me, but I sure as shit hope that you’re gonna be in it with me.” Asta’s eyes were damp. “I understand if you don’t wanna give me another chance or you wanna be friends or maybe you don’t want me around at all, but I really wanted to do this. You know, face to face, shoot my shot, and just hope that you—”

Jay kissed him. 

Asta gasped, and his arm immediately squeezed Jay’s waist, dragging him into a desperate embrace. 

Jay kissed Asta passionately, and he dragged his fingers up into his hair and pulled hard, delighting in Asta’s eager moan. Asta was practically clawing at Jay’s hips and back, dragging them impossibly closer as they made out right there in the middle of the living room.

Gods, he’d missed this. He’d missed Asta so much, and his lips were sweet and hot and–

“Is this okay?” Asta asked urgently. “Babycakes, I don’t wanna fuck up again.”

“It’s okay.” Jay’s glasses were askew. “It’s so okay.”

“I don’t want you to decide you’re still mad at me later and then say you don’t actually wanna do this–”

Jay kissed him again to shut him up. “I want you. Asta desu Crem Dianah Kane Bavar Nico Lucet.”

“By all the gods, you remembered my fuckin’ name. You’re so hot.” Asta thrust his tongue into Jay’s mouth, and his hands slipped under Jay’s shirt to seek out bare skin.

Jay was a mess, clinging to Asta’s neck and sucking on his tongue as his hips awkwardly jerked forward.

One of Asta’s hands dropped to grab his ass, holding him tight. “F-Fuck, babycakes.” 

“Can we, can we go… uh…” Jay cleared his throat.


“Yeah, definitely bed.”

Asta lifted Jay right up off the floor, drawing his legs around his waist as he pressed a firm kiss to his lips. 

Jay laughed in delight at how easily Asta could carry him, though his laughter was cut off by a groan when Asta accidentally ran his back into the doorframe at a rather unpleasant angle. “Ow!”

“Sorry!” Asta laughed. “Can’t make out and steer at the same time, I guess.”

“Be careful!” 

“Yes, yes! Mm, very delicate merchandise.”

Asta snickered as he carried Jay into his bedroom, and then they tumbled into bed, a mess of legs and arms trying to stay close as their lips fought to stay connected. He ended up on his back with Jay on top of him, and he shuddered from head to toe, gasping, “Ah, Jay…”

“Yeah?” Jay gasped as Asta’s long legs curled around his waist, drawing him in until their hips collided. They were both hard, and the grinding friction was fantastic. 

“I haven’t been… with anyone since you.”

“Ditto.” Jay smiled. “I… I don’t think I could have. I mean, it’s not like I tried or anything, but… all I could ever think about was you.” 

“Yeah?” Asta grinned, and he gently removed Jay’s glasses to put over on the bedside table. “Well. Good. I might have tried a little, but–”

“Asta. Shut up.”

“Shutting up.” Asta’s grin grew, and he kissed Jay eagerly.

“Can we… I wanna do…” Jay rolled his hips forward.

“Whatever you want, babycakes.”

“That thing with your dicks?” Jay blushed.

“You gotta be more specific. I do a lot of things with my dicks.” Asta wagged his brows.

“Where you put my dick, uh, like, in between them?”

“Are you sure?” Asta was serious for a moment, frowning up at Jay. “We don’t have to mess around. We can take it slow–”

“I don’t want slow. I want you.” Jay kissed him fiercely, and he reached down to fumble with his pants to get them out of the way. 

“Yes, sir, you’re the boss.” Asta was naked instantly, and he grabbed the zipper of Jay’s jeans.

Jay reared back to yank his shirt over his head while Asta dragged his pants and underwear down, and he pleaded, “Just, just take ‘em off.”

“You fuckin’ got it.” Asta dragged Jay back into another passionate kiss, his legs now sliding against Jay’s bare skin.

It was weird to suddenly be naked–what happened to his clothes? Did Asta just destroy them? Did they vanish into another dimension?

Shit, no, focus!

There was a very beautiful and very naked cat prince writhing beneath him much more worthy of his attention, and Jay tilted his hips to aim his cock against Asta’s. He kissed Asta with everything he had, and he groaned as he felt Asta’s cocks twisting and squeezing around him. 

Asta’s cocks were hot, wet, and the slide between them was fantastic. The pressure was almost too much, so tight that it made Jay ache, and he thrust quickly, making himself gasp and moan.

“There you go,” Asta purred. “Fuck, come on, baby… I love how you fuck my cocks… just like that, just like that, come on, get it!”

“Gods!” Jay gasped, needing air as much as he needed to see what was happening. He stared down between them, watching his cock push between Asta’s.

Asta pumped the heads of his cock where he held them tight, and he clawed at Jay’s hip, urging him to go faster. “Baby, fuck…!”

“Yeah, yeah, I got you. I got you, come on.” Jay pushed harder, picking up speed until the slick sounds of his cock thrusting were absolutely obscene. He loved the grip of Asta’s legs on his waist, the prick of his nails, and every last beautiful sound leaving his lips as their bodies ground together.

He knew it would be fast, but he couldn’t help it. All of his whirling emotions needed an end, some sort of relief from their heavy hold, and he found it there in Asta’s lips as they kissed. The pressure rose, broke, and Jay grunted low as he came, his cock pulsing across Asta’s stomach.

“Baby, fuck, yes, yes, yes! Don’t stop, don’t stop–!” Asta cried out, desperately jerking both of his cocks around Jay’s until he was coming too. His back arched off the bed and his thighs shuddered against Jay’s sides, and he moaned happily as he spilled his thick loads. “Yeahhh, baby… mmm, fuck!”

The tingles of overstimulation were coming in quick waves, but Jay ignored it for as long as he could. He didn’t want to end this connection yet, and he couldn’t get enough of how Asta was touching him. He kissed him long and slow, their squirming bodies finally coming to a halt as they simply held one another close.

“Wow,” Jay whispered.

“Mmm, big wow,” Asta agreed. “Fuck, that was good.”

“Yeah, it was.” Jay chuckled softly. 

“Pretty good way to make up, huh?”

“Well, you still have a lot of making up to do,” Jay said firmly. “And I do mean a lot. And we need to talk. With actual words.” 

“Whatever you want, babycakes.” Asta bumped their noses together. “I don’t wanna fuck this up again. Not ever. I wanna be with you. So, you just tell me what to do, and I will do it. Anything. Weird shit. Even shit with toothbrushes.” 

Jay laughed. “How about you start by bringing me that sushi you promised?”

“You got it.” 


Jay managed two bites of sushi before he was ready to pass out. He never stayed up this late and after the server first win, the ensuing emotional rollercoaster, and the spectacular orgasm, he was exhausted. As tired as he was though, he was happy. 

He loved Asta, and Asta loved him too. 

Neither one said it explicitly that night, but Jay didn’t mind. 

They had all the time in the world to get there, and Jay didn’t want to rush a single thing. If this truly was a second chance at happiness, he was going to make sure that it was perfect. 

Asta put the food away and cleaned up, and then he put them both in matching black and pink flannel pajamas. They traded a few more sweet kisses before Jay dozed right off in Asta’s arms. 

He woke up with Asta tangled around him, and he snuggled in tight with a smile.


This was where he was supposed to be.

“Good morning,” Asta mumbled drowsily, stirring as Jay buried his face in his chest. 

“Morning.” Jay smiled. “Sleep good?”

“So fuckin’ good. You?”

“Great.” Jay sighed happily.

And then he realized his alarm hadn’t gone off.

“Fuck!” Jay wrenched himself out of bed, rushing over to his desk to find his phone. It wasn’t there. He whirled around and saw it sitting on the bedside table. “Shit, shit, shit!”

“What’s wrong?” Asta asked.

“My alarm never went off! I know I set it–”

“Oh, that noisy bell thing? Yeah, I turned it off.” Asta beamed. “You were so comfy and cute, and I wanted to let you sleep.”



“That was my alarm to get up for work! I’m gonna be late!” Jay groaned.

“Pffft. Whatever. I got this.” Asta sat up, stretching his arms over his head. He cracked his neck to the left.

Jay was dressed instantly. He even had his coat and scarf on, and his shoes were already tied.

Asta cracked his neck to the right.

Jay’s glasses were on now, and he had a steaming to-go cup of coffee in his hand.

“Keys are in your pocket, and you will find your car is already warm.” Asta winked. “Oh, and there’s a breakfast burrito waiting for you in your cup holder.”

“You’re amazing.” Jay ducked his head for a kiss.

Asta caressed the side of Jay’s face as they kissed, and he sighed, a breathy and sexy sound…

“Okay, I gotta go right now, or I really am gonna be late.” Jay grunted as he made himself pull away. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You free tonight?” Asta licked his lips. “I feel like I got some more making up to do.”

“Yes.” Jay grinned. “I, I am definitely free.” 

“Tonight. Dinner and a raid?”

“Yeah, dinner and a raid sounds great.”

“I’ll be here.” Asta flopped back into bed, sliding his hands over his crotch. “Probably masturbating thinking of you, moaning your name a bunch.”

Jay whined, and he stared at the gorgeous vision of Asta in his bed, stretching his long body and touching himself and–”I gotta go!”

“Bye!” Asta cackled. 

Jay raced to his car, and it was indeed warm and ready to go. He ate the burrito on the way to work, and he was only ten minutes late. He sent Asta a text to thank him again for his help, and it turned into a long, squishy message about how happy he was and how glad he was that they were getting back together. 

He hesitated to send it for a moment, but he decided to go for it.

Asta texted back almost immediately:

me too babycakes 😉 

He also sent a dick pic.

Dicks pic? Whatever.

Blushing, Jay quickly texted back that it was very nice but not appropriate. He would see the real thing later. After that, he put his phone away and got to work. 

He didn’t see Chase all day, and he made a mental note to at least send him a text message to thank him. He didn’t know if Chase really could sell life insurance to a dead man, but Jay was happy to be falling in love with Asta all over again. There was a part of him that was worried this felt too easy, but maybe that was the point.

Everything else in Jay’s life had always been so hard–maybe this would finally be the one thing he didn’t have to fight for.

Not that it wasn’t going to take some more work. Jay knew that he and Asta had a lot of work to do, but he was certain they were on the right path now. He was already trying to think of what to do for dinner before the raid, and he wondered if they would be joining Asta’s guild again in the game. 

It would be easy for Asta to magically poof his computer over to Jay’s, and maybe they could play together like they had in Xenon.

Then again, Jay mused, they could maybe just pop over to Xenon for the night…

One thing at a time.

He had to go do battle with his arch-nemesis before he could leave for the day–the printer.

The department was hectic, as much of the city was still in a panic. He heard reports that there were still riots and looting downtown, and a mandatory curfew was going into effect through the weekend until the chaos was under control.

Jay had to text Asta and tell him that he was going to be late, but he’d be home as soon as he could.

Asta sent a picture, but this time it was just a selfie of him smiling.

Can’t wait, babycakes. <333

Jay’s heart skipped a beat.

He really couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here.

By the time he was finally done, it was dark and miserably cold out. Jay bundled up and hurried to his car, driving over to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. He knew Asta could magically create anything out of thin air for them to eat, but he wanted to actually cook for him. 

He wanted tonight to be special.

The grocery store was a mess, and one of the front windows was boarded up because it had been shattered. Jay was startled to see evidence of the city’s unrest so close to home. Two members of the AVPD were standing by to keep the peace, and Jay grabbed the ingredients to make spaghetti and then rushed through the self-checkout.

Jay packed his groceries in the trunk of his car, and he reached into his pocket to get his keys. He was beyond ready to get home, eager to see Asta–

“Hey, need some help?” a gruff voice growled from behind him.

“What?” Jay turned, grunting as two large men slammed him up against the side of his car. 

“Wallet. Now!” the gruff man demanded. “We already know you’re fuckin’ silenced, so don’t make this hard.”

“Wallet! Keys!” the other man snapped. “Come on, let’s go!”

Jay gritted his teeth, terror giving way to rage. There were literally two cops in the grocery store, and he didn’t have a single scrap of magic or any possible way to alert them that he was being robbed right outside in the parking lot. 

But then Jay remembered that he was far from helpless. 

He didn’t have magic, that was true, but he had something else. 

Taking a deep breath, he shouted as loud as he could:


<– PREV | NEXT –>

Untouched Mussels: Chapter 06

Chapter 6.

Jay didn’t sleep.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how such a blissful evening had turned into absolute shit, and he spent hours overanalyzing the entire conversation. He cried on and off, punched his pillows, and thrashed around all night long until Ted came to find him.

Ted thought he and Asta might have been sleeping in, and he was very surprised to find Jay by himself and so clearly upset.

When Jay asked if King Grell could go ahead and take him back to Aeon, Ted wanted answers.

Jay promised that they could talk about it later and he would tell Ted everything, but first he just wanted to go home.

Ted begrudgingly accepted that. 

After a brief goodbye from everyone sans a decidedly absent Asta, Grell returned Jay to his apartment. 

Jay went to bed immediately, and he stayed there all weekend. He only had a few precious days to get himself together before he had to go back to work. It was like being in mourning, and he didn’t think he’d hurt this badly since Gerdie died.

Instead of a person passing, it was what could have been the greatest love of his life.

If only he had been smart enough to keep his stupid mouth shut.

No one told anybody that they loved them after a week except crazy people and gods, and Jay was neither of those. 

At first, it was easy to blame himself. 

Jay had made a foolish mistake, and Asta had every right to be upset with him. Even as inexperienced as Jay was with relationships, he knew that declaring his love so soon had been a tiny bit insane.

Okay, very insane.

As the days ticked by, however, Jay thought more about how Asta had responded. 

However forward Jay’s feelings were, Asta had not exactly been nice about it. 

In fact, Asta had been a complete and total bitch

It was easier to redirect his anger toward Asta, and Jay objectively reasoned that Asta was deserving of it for being so mean to him. Being shocked made sense, but the outright cruelty had been completely uncalled for. Jay didn’t know if he’d scared Asta or maybe freaked him out or both, but he was certain that he hadn’t deserved that kind of venom.

He tried to stay mad because that hurt less than acknowledging how thoroughly Asta had smashed his heart into unrecognizable pieces, and Jay wanted to forget all about it. He wanted to pretend that his time in Xenon simply hadn’t happened and get back to work like everything was fine.

Ted, however, was very persistent.

Ted somehow had a cell phone in Xenon because of course he did, and he texted Jay almost daily to see if he was ready to have that chat he’d promised. He told Jay he knew something had happened because Asta had been a complete shit lately and he was worried about Jay. 

Jay blew him off, saying that it wasn’t a big deal and they’d talk soon. 

Except soon never happened. 

Jay found every excuse to avoid talking to Ted except via text, and time zipped by in a dreary blur. He drowned himself in work so he wouldn’t have to think about anything, avoided his co-workers and new friends in the Super Secret Sages Club because they were all reminders of what had happened, and he did his best to get over Asta.

It didn’t work. 

Everything reminded him of Asta, from movies to jokes to certain foods and of course gaming. He hadn’t logged on Crusaders for longer than fifteen minutes because he immediately thought of the raids he went on with Asta and the stupid picnic basket and all the rest. 

Jay was broken, and he had no idea how to fix it.

He thought about reaching out to Ted, but he didn’t think he could bring himself to tell him the truth. When Ted texted him that Asta had gotten a new cell phone and shared his number, Jay couldn’t resist saving it into his contacts even though he told himself he was never ever going to use it. 

He lamented that he was going to suffer like this for the rest of his life in secrecy, maybe move to a remote island and take up fishing, or perhaps he’d—

There was a knock at the door.

Having been in the middle of a pity nap on the couch, Jay’s head jerked up in surprise.

Today was Saturday, but he didn’t remember having anything planned for this weekend except for more wallowing in his own self-pity and maybe a very overdue shower. 

He dragged himself out of his sad little nest of blankets and pillows, and then he trudged to the door. He peeked through the peephole and was surprised to see Ted standing on the other side.

Well, shit.

So much for avoiding Ted until the end of all eternity.

Jay ran a hand through his hair, hoped he looked somewhat human, and he answered the door with a forced smile. “Hi.”

“Hey!” Ted immediately pulled Jay into a giant hug. “Miss me?”

“Ugh!” Jay coughed, smacking Ted’s back as a plea for mercy. “Uh, sure, I guess! It hasn’t been that long, has it?”

“Uh, it’s been months, Jay. Literally months.” 

“O-Oh.” Jay adjusted his glasses. “I guess I lost track of the time. I know a lot of crazy stuff has been going on and uh, I just, I’ve been working a lot—”

“I know.” Ted squeezed Jay’s shoulders. “Don’t worry. I’m here to help!” 


“The lease?” 

Jay frowned. “But it’s not up until the end of the… oh, gods.” 


“Sorry.” Jay sheepishly ushered Ted inside the apartment. “The days have really been getting away from me here lately.” 

“It’s okay.” Ted went right to the couch, parking in his usual spot at the end nearest the door. “I know you’ve been busy.” 

“Yeah, you too.” Jay plopped down on the opposite end of the couch. “How’s everything in the mystical world of Xenon?”

“Same shit, different day. I fucking love it.” Ted grinned. “It’s great, seriously. You should come back and visit soon. Graham asks about you all the damn time.” 

Jay pulled his nest of blankets into his lap and attempted to bury himself again. “Oh, that’s, uh, that’s nice. Graham’s a sweet kid. You guys ever find a new vessel for him that he could use?”

“We sure did!” Ted laughed. “It’s this big stuffed cat doll. Well, I guess technically it’s an Asra doll, but it was totally blessed by Great Azaethoth, blah blah, and it worked!”

“That’s awesome!” 

“Thank you again for figuring that out.” Ted beamed. “It’s really given Graham a brand new lease on life. His afterlife, whatever. He’s happy. He can run around the whole castle now, and he’s driving Kunst up the wall. It’s fuckin’ great. Kinda freaks people out when this giant three foot tall plush cat comes barreling at them, but Grell’s made it into a game now to see how many people he can scare every day. It’s pretty fuckin’ funny.” 

“Wait, so where is he right now?”

“That’s just it!” Ted grinned from ear to ear. “He’s doing his thing in his cat plush body over in Xenon while I’m here in Aeon. Kinda weird actually to be away from him like this, but our bond is still goin’ even across worlds. Wild, huh?”

“I’m really glad.” Jay pulled the blankets up to his neck. “So, uh, we just gotta sign the new lease, is that right?”

“Yeah, but—”

“We’re taking you off the lease and you’re giving me the apartment?”

“Yeah, plus Grell may have worked some magic to get you a lower rent ‘cause he’s just thoughtful like that.”

“Wow.” Jay perked up. “Thank you!”

“Oh, and he should have already grabbed my stuff from my room, but—”

“Crap. I haven’t been in there in a while. I didn’t even notice.”

“Sure, sure, but hey, I wanna talk to you about something else first.” 

Jay tensed. “Something else?”

“Yeah. You know, you never really said goodbye when you left Xenon,” Ted said carefully. “And you left in an awful big hurry.”

“I was in a big hurry to come home.” 

“Or in a big hurry to get away from Asta?”

Jay grimaced. 

Ted stared expectantly. 

“Is it… is it really that obvious?” Jay yanked a blanket over his head to avoid Ted’s piercing gaze. 

“Pretty fucking obvious.” 

Jay buried himself farther into the nest.

“If Asta did something, I will absolutely beat his ass,” Ted promised.

“He’s a super powerful cat monster. How are you gonna do that?”

“I’ll get Graham to do it.”

Jay peeked out. “The ghost kid in the plush cat body?”

“I can at least scare the piss out of him a few good times.” Ted smiled gently. “Come on, Jay. What’s goin’ on? You guys were gettin’ along real good, and then bam, nothin’.”

Jay sank down so only his eyes were peering out of the tangle of blankets as he replied, “Well, I might have maybe been, uh, getting close to Asta. Very close. And uh, I sort of… maybe… told him…”


“That I loved him.” Jay cringed.

“Aw, buddy.” Ted patted Jay’s blanket lump. “Fuck.” He paused. “After a week? Really?”

“Yes, fucking really!” Jay snapped. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to fucking talk about it. I knew you were gonna say something like that!”

“Hey, hey!” Ted smiled. “No, it’s not like that. Look, me and Grell had only known each other for like a week before we got engaged.”

“Wasn’t that because he tricked you into moving a body?”

“Okay, yes, but I was definitely in love with him before I ever said yes to that fuckin’ bullshit.” Ted laughed. “Love has its own fuckin’ crazy timetable, and it’s different for everybody. If you fell in love with Asta in a week, you fell in love with that dope in a week.”

“Well.” Jay poked his head out slowly. “He didn’t, uh, feel the same way. Asta, I mean. He didn’t…” The pain of the brutal rejection rushed to the surface in a hot wave of tears, and Jay sniffed. “He didn’t feel the same way.”

“Fuck.” Ted scooted closer so he could drag Jay into a big hug. “I’m so sorry, man.”

“He said all this horrible shit! Like, like he was just looking for something casual, and, and that we weren’t dating so he wasn’t technically breaking up with me, and, and—!” He broke off in a small sob that he quickly tried to quell. “He was an asshole. An epic fucking asshole.” 

“Well, if it’s any consolation, he’s been a miserable little shit.” 

“It helps. Kinda.” Jay wiped at his face. He accidentally smudged his glasses and then took them off to use the blanket to clean them. 

“Asta never said what happened. All Grell could get out of him was something about not earning enough experience and jumping a bunch of levels or some shit. So, it’s been a bit of a mystery.” Ted shrugged. “He’s the one who told me to give you his phone number, which I’m guessing you never dialed up since he still asks me about you. He won’t say shit when I tell him how you’re doin’ though.”

“What do you tell him?”

“That you’re doing fucking awesome, obviously.” Ted smirked. “I’m not tellin’ your ex that I’m worried about you! He needs to think that you’re doing fucking incredible and fine and dandy without his punk ass.”

Jay managed a weak smile. “Thanks.”

“I think you really did a number on him, though. He’s still acting fuckin’ snippy as shit and it’s been, what? Three months?” 

“It’s been that long?”

“Yeah.” Ted chuckled. “Math isn’t my strong suit, but it’s been at least three fuckin’ months since you left Xenon. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s summer now.” He patted Jay’s blanket nest. “Remember to stick your head outside every once in a while.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Jay laughed, but his heart wasn’t in it.

He didn’t know what to think about Asta still possibly upset about their break-up or not-break-up or whatever the hell it was that happened between them.

Asta had been such an asshole—why would he even give a crap after all this time? 

Also—three months?!

Holy crap, Jay really did need to get out of this miserable funk.

“You okay?” Ted asked sincerely. “Really. Is there anything I can do?”

“No, I’m okay.” Jay took a deep breath. “I’m going to be okay. I’m going to get over that asshole and forget I ever fucking met him. I appreciate you inviting me back to Xenon to see everyone, I really do, but right now I just need to be here. In the real world. Doing real world stuff.” 

“Yeah, okay, man. Whatever you need.” 

“Thank you.”

“So. Lease?”

“Yeah! Let’s do it.”

Ted stayed long after the new lease was signed, and he even ordered dinner for them from Jay’s favorite sushi restaurant. For a little while, it was like being roommates again, and Jay was struck by how much he’d missed hanging out with Ted.

Jay had been a little distracted while he was in Xenon, and it was nice to spend some quality time with his old friend. 

Ted told him about the upcoming wedding, the crazy politics of Xenon court, and how very happy he was with Grell and Graham. Asta too, though Ted was polite enough not to mention him much. It did, however, somehow remind Ted of the bottle of whiskey he’d left stashed in the kitchen.

They opened it.

They drank it.

And by the time Grell came to see how Ted was doing, Ted and Jay were both quite drunk. 

They’d put on some ridiculous action movies and made popcorn, and they had an absolutely fantastic time. Grell was kind enough to leave Jay with a potion for the hangover he was bound to have before he carried Ted back home through a portal. 

Alone again but happy, Jay decided to finish the movie and what remained of the whiskey. 

Probably not the best idea he’d ever had, but it seemed solid at the time.

Picking up his phone and scrolling down to Asta’s name? 

Definitely not a good idea.

He wrote something, erased it, wrote something else, and then promptly passed out.

Jay wasn’t much of a drinker, and his head was absolutely throbbing when he woke up the next morning. He didn’t recall much of last night, but he knew Grell had left him some sort of potion to deal with this exact situation.


He opened one eye and found he was no longer in the living room in his nest.

He was in bed and wearing pajamas…

With little black cats on them.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck—”

Jay bolted out of bed, groaning as the room spun. He stumbled toward the door, but then he had to turn around and go back for his glasses. Once he had them on, he hurried out to the living room.

It was spotless.

All the blankets were folded, the takeout containers were gone, and any evidence that he and Ted had gotten drunk and made a big mess was completely gone.

While that was troubling since Jay had zero memory of cleaning up, he was also panicked to realize he had no idea where his phone was or what he had potentially sent Asta last night.

Because who else would tuck him in with fucking cat pajamas?

Jay headed back to his bedroom and saw now that his phone and the hangover potion were sitting on his bedside table.

Either he hadn’t noticed them before because he was in such a rush or Asta was fucking with him. 


Jay snatched up his phone, cringing as he thumbed over to his text messages. 

hey you

He sighed in relief that it wasn’t anything too mortifying, though he frowned when he kept scrolling to see Asta’s replies.



Just chilling tonight. Might go on a raid into the Lesser Wilds later. Wanna join? 🙂

So. Wyd? You okay?

Jay. Jayyyyy Jay Jay Jay Jayyyyy

Now you’re starting to worry me. Don’t think I won’t come over there. Because I fucking will.


Jay could only assume that Asta did in fact come over when Jay didn’t reply and must have found him in his inebriated state on the sofa.

And then what? 

Gave him new clothes and tucked him into bed and then decided to clean up? 

Jay was mystified, but at least the potion Grell gave him was easing his headache. 

He thought about texting Asta back to thank him for his kindness, but he didn’t want to open that door again. He couldn’t risk it. The heartache almost certainly waiting for him on the other side wasn’t worth it. 

He still loved Asta, and he knew Asta didn’t love him. 

Asta had come to check on him, yes, but it wasn’t like he’d stuck around or left any additional messages to explain himself. He probably felt sorry for Jay after finding him like that, and he only did what he had out of sympathy.


Now Jay felt worse. 

He took a shower, trashed the gifted pajamas in favor of some of his own, and then he deleted Asta’s number from his phone to prevent any future accidents. The best thing he could do was forget this had ever happened.

Certainly seemed like that was what Asta planned to do anyway.

It was better that way.



Being a member of the exclusive Super Secret Sages’ Club, Jay stayed up-to-date on all the crazy adventures going on in Archersville. He also stayed at a safe distance, as in he stayed as far away from the action as possible. 

He’d already been the target of a god for an evil experiment, plus he was Silenced. 

Unless Azaethoth the Lesser and Sloane needed help with changing the toner in a printer, there wasn’t much Jay could do to help. 

It was one crisis after another, and Jay took every opportunity to work overtime to keep himself busy. The department was overwhelmed enough to justify the extra hours, and it helped distract him from lingering thoughts of Asta. Milo and Chase let him know when the real crazy stuff was happening, and Jay always made any world-ending-affiliated tasks his priority.

Not that there was much for him to do being a Silenced tech guy, but still.

It had been over six months now since he’d last seen Asta, not counting that time he came over and cleaned up after Jay . 

Jay tried not to think about Asta, but it was still hard. That single week they’d spent together had left such a deep impression on him, and he didn’t know if he’d ever fully recover. When one of the AVPD officers asked him out on a date, Jay politely declined because all he could suddenly think about was the picnic date he’d gone on with Asta.

Poor Barry in homicide couldn’t possibly compete with that.

Jay decided then Asta had ruined him for any other partner because how could anyone else hope to ever compare?

He was doomed to be alone, probably forever, still dreaming of bright eyes and a sly smile.


Jay was almost grateful when the next crisis rolled around because it gave him something else to focus on. 

The city was currently in turmoil over clothing that had been printed with magical spells that caused whoever was having a crappy day to read it and drown. Considering that Jay thought every day was crappy, he was happy to stay inside his closet.

He worked out of what was also the janitor’s closet when his old office was allocated to another department. He’d gotten used to the acrid smell of the disinfectants, though it was still annoying when the custodians parked the mop bucket in the tiny path he used to walk around his desk to sit down.

When there was a knock at the door, Jay expected to see either the custodian coming in for supplies or someone who needed help with their email.

There was also a high chance that the printer was in need of attention and considering that it was almost time to clock out, it would no doubt be some sort of disaster that would take hours to fix.

Just last week, someone had tried to load the paper tray with a ham sandwich, so Jay’s expectations were set rather low.

He was pleasantly surprised to see it was Detective Chase.

Chase lumbered in, tipping his fedora in greeting as he exclaimed, “Hey, Jay! How’s it hangin’?”

“Hey!” Jay smiled. “Good, fine, uh. How’s it going out there?”

“Eh, you know. The usual.” Chase shut the door behind him and let out a loud sigh of relief. He lowered his voice as he continued, “Everybody has officially lost their shit since Cleus went all crazy downtown—”

“Wait, Cleus attacked the city again?”

“Yeah! Where the hell have you been?”

Jay gestured angrily to the small room.

“Sorry!” Chase grimaced. “Milo said he’d gotten the word out and—”

“It’s okay.” Jay offered a gentle smile. “I get it. I’d forget about me being stuck back here all the time too.”

“Sorry, man.”

“Is everybody okay? 

“Yeah! I mean, except Cleus.” 

“Sloane did his Starkiller thing?” Jay guessed.

“Sure fuckin’ did.” Chase tipped his hat. “I wasn’t there, but uh, Merrick told me about it. Oh, and that creep Jeff Martin is dead.”

“What happened to him?”

“So, apparently he got touched by the star baby thing—”

“The Kindress?” Jay bolted up. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, that guy!” Chase nodded. “You know how he had that nasty spot on his face? That’s apparently where the star baby touched him. He’d been using some kinda totem to keep it from eating him up, and well, he took it out.” He made a loud squishing sound. “Turned right into soup.”

“Okay, that’s gross, but that also means that the Kindress is here on Aeon!”

“Yeah, that’s what Merrick and them said.” Chase’s jovial demeanor dimmed. “Not exactly a fun surprise, huh?”

“No. Not really.” 

As a devout Sage, Jay knew the legends of the Kindress well, and he knew it meant nothing but trouble if such a being was here in their world. He sat back down with a sigh, shaking his head at the dismal prospects.

He knew Sloane and Azaethoth were powerful, not to mention the many other old gods were awake, but this…

This was the Kindress, a being of pure starlight.

What the heck would a sword of starlight do to someone made of starlight?

“That Alexander guy and Rota are supremely pissed that Jeff offed himself before tellin’ ‘em where Rota’s body is. Still trying to wrap my mind around that whole situation.” Chase scratched his beard. “Stoker’s pissed too, so they’re having themselves a little team-up to go after Daisy.” 

“She got away then?”

“Yup. Blew up some stuff and skedaddled.” 

Shit.” Jay leaned back in his chair.

“Yeah. Shit.” Chase cleared his throat. “There’s, uh, one more thing I ain’t told you about yet.”

“Oh no. What?” Jay’s stomach twisted.

“I met your ex. Asta.”

Jay leaned too far and flipped out of his chair.

“Fuck, are you okay?” Chase tried to come help Jay, but he couldn’t squeeze by the desk to get to him.

“Good! I’m good!” Jay had landed on his side, and he fumbled to his knees. He adjusted his glasses, stammering, “Y-You met Asta? Asta was there?”

“Yeah.” Chase’s brow furrowed. “Sloane and Loch called him in when Pandora went missing. He’s, uh, somethin’ else. Really hates pants.”

“Yeah. That’s him.” Jay’s face immediately flushed, and he scrambled to sit back down. His heart was racing now, and he was ravenous for more information. “So, uh, was he okay? What, uh, what was he doing? You, uh, you said he came to help?”

“Yeah.” Chase nodded. “Some sort of royal IOU Sloane called in when those bastards took Pandora. Asta helped track Pandora down and stuck around to help us with Cleus.”

“He did?” 

“Yeah. He even wore clothes.” Chase cringed. “You know, kinda.”

Jay wanted to ask a million questions, but he couldn’t bring himself to choke out a single word. They would be far too telling of what he was feeling right now, and he hated how desperate he’d sound if he did. 

Did Asta ask about him? Was Asta dating anyone? Was he as ridiculously hot as Jay remembered and—oh, by all the gods, this was several shades beyond desperate and Jay refused to even breathe.

“But, uh.” Chase cleared his throat. “I know you two didn’t exactly work out, but he’s giving me the distinct impression that he wants to rekindle the flames of your romance.” He wagged his brows meaningfully. 

“That, that isn’t…” Jay scoffed. “What?”

“He’s crazy about you, kiddo.” Chase tipped his hat. “Trust me. As soon as I mentioned that I could put in a good word with you, I’ve never seen nobody put pants on so fast.”

“Wait, wait, back up!” Jay pinched his nose. “What now?”

“That talkin’ bubble ball thing, Cunt or whatever, he happened to mention that dear Prince Asta hadn’t been right since whatever went wrong between you guys. So, when Asta was being a lil’ hard to get along with, I maybe told him I’d sweet talk you up a bit for him.”

“Is that what this is? You’re… sweet talking me?”

“Jay, you’re a good kid, and I’m gonna shoot you straight.” Chase smiled gently. “Yes, maybe he had that damn googly-eyed look on him that I’ve seen on many a googly-eyed young man when we talked about you. I ain’t sayin’ it’s somethin’, but it’s definitely not nothin’. But I know that he did you wrong too. Knew that the second you came back from Xenon.”

Jay made a face.

“I don’t need to know the details or whatever, that’s your business, and all I agreed to was passing along a message. What you do with it is up to you. And if you don’t want any more messages, I’ll tell Prince Asta to fuck right off.”

“You know he’s older than you, right?”

“I don’t give a fuck.” Chase grinned. “I’ll just make sure I’m standin’ real close to Merry when I tell ‘em off.”

Jay smiled weakly. “Okay, well… uh… What was the message?”

“He said he’d be hanging out at your usual spot for a while,” Chase recited carefully. 

“Our usual spot?” Jay frowned. 

“Said you’d know what it would mean.” 

“Oh. Well. Uh, thank you.” Jay fidgeted. “For all of that. And for telling me what was going on. Let me know if I can help with anything?”

“You got it, kiddo.” Chase tipped his hat. “Stay safe out there. Streets are still pretty fuckin’ rowdy.”


“Me and Merry can wait for you if you want. Walk you out?”

“No, that’s okay. I’m sure it’s okay, heh.” Jay stood up in a hurry. “I think, uh, I think I’m gonna sneak out right now as a matter of fact.” He grabbed his coat. “Yeah, definitely right now.”

Chase grinned. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

“Thanks, Chase.” 

“Good luck.” 

Chase left while Jay put his coat on and grabbed his keys, and Chase left the door open no doubt in anticipation of Jay’s impending exit. 

Jay was weirdly excited, definitely nervous, and he had no idea if this was about to be the next big stupid mistake of his life or not. He’d spent months trying to get over Asta, and now here he was running right back like a lovesick puppy to him at the first chance he got.

He told himself it would just be to talk. That’s all. It was only going to be a conversation. He had no interest in reconnecting with Asta romantically, and he told himself that’s not what this was about.

Jay deserved real closure, sincere answers, and a very heartfelt apology from Asta for his awful behavior. If he was ever going to move on with his life and get over Asta, he needed to do this. 

After that, well… 

It was a very good thing that their usual spot was a digital one because Jay didn’t know if he could trust himself being in Asta’s physical presence right now. 

After all, their usual hang-out spot was in the game.

Crusaders of the Dark Savant. 


Jay would never admit to how fast he drove back home to his apartment, but he was glad that the city’s cops were busy dealing with the big mess downtown. 

He was maybe definitely not obeying the posted speed limit, and his mind raced faster than the car. He hadn’t logged on Crusaders in months because it made him think of Asta and now here he was, rushing home to see him in their favorite spot:

The fairy glen in the Lesser Wilds, a secluded spot in an enchanted forest not too unlike where they’d had their romantic picnic date in Xenon. 

He saw Asta’s fairy monk avatar, Bob, right away, and Jay hesitantly moved his character over to greet him. He sent a wave emoji, waiting anxiously.

Asta’s avatar launched into a festive dance, and Jay saw a new private message notification pop up.

It was a link for a private channel in a chat application called Strife, commonly used during gaming for players to communicate while raiding. 

Jay ignored that it was called “Bob’s Love Shack”, and he clicked the link.

He waited for the telltale ding that he’d been connected, adjusting his headset mic as he cleared his throat. “Uh. Hi. Asta?”

“No Asta here. This is Bob the fairy monk. I specialize in big juicy legendary equipment and got the stamina enchants to raid all night long.” 

Definitely Asta.

Jay laughed. “Hi, Asta. How are you?”

“I’m peachy keen, jelly bean. Just helped save the world, you know. Big hero stuff.”

“I heard.” Jay leaned back in his chair, trying to ignore how quickly his heart got to fluttering listening to Asta’s voice. “Congratulations. And thank you, you know, for saving the world and all that. As someone who lives here, I appreciate it.”

“Anytime. It’s no big deal, really. Pretty easy stuff for a powerful guy like me.” Asta paused. “Uh, how are you doing?”

“Uh.” Jay fidgeted. “Good. Pretty good. You know, just… uh…” He moved his character around in circles. “Just working. Been working a lot.”

“Right. Cool.”

“Yeah. Cool.” Jay cringed. He had no idea what else to say, and this was quickly becoming awkward. He questioned why he even agreed to this, and his stomach clenched. “So, uh–”

“I didn’t think you were gonna come,” Asta blurted out.


“Well, considering what happened when I popped over to your place the last time, I was pretty sure you were never gonna speak to me again. You made it pretty clear that you weren’t real happy with me.”

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

Asta snorted. “Uh, you told me to go die in the fucking fires of the Starter Dungeon like, and I am directly quoting here, an impotent mouth-breathing elitist cunt who had a big problem with his brain missing.”


“Okay, I added the cunt part, but I did appreciate the Firefly reference.” 

Jay drew his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs, wishing he could physically retreat from the embarrassment. “I do not, uh, remember any of that.”

Asta chuckled. “You were pretty drunk.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I kinda deserved it and then some.” Asta sighed. “Like, a lot of some. Like, all of it.”

“Is this you actually apologizing?” Jay was suspicious.



“I’m working on it, okay?” Asta huffed. “I, uh, maybe wasn’t exactly kind. Before. When you told me… that thing that you did.”

Jay waited.

“I was an asshole. I know I was. Look, I’ve been with a lot of people, all right? I mean, I’ve been around. All up and down the road to pound town, hit the booty buffet and usually went back for seconds. I’ve done some weird ass shit, shit with toothbrushes–”

“How is this you apologizing?”

“Just, hang on, I’m getting there,” Asta pleaded. “What I’m trying to say is that I was with all these guys, and they never made me happy. Not a single one of them because, well, none of them were you. I meant what I said when I told you that being with you was the happiest I’d ever been. And when you, uh, said what you said… it scared me.”

Jay frowned. “Scared you? Why?”

“Because I’m a giant chicken shit who just wanted to party and have fun. You feeling that way about me made it too real, and I was suddenly, like, gonna be responsible for having to be a good boyfriend and all this crazy shit I have no idea how to do. Being a slut is fucking easy, but having to figure out being a partner? Worrying that I was gonna fuck it up? I freaked out a tiny bit.”

“You asked me for a farewell blowjob after dumping me.”

“Which was very rude.”

“You told me I was bonkers.”

“Yes, I was a bitch. We’ve established that.”

“You also said I was only offering to sleep with you so you’d feel the same way about me.”

“Mega-bitch even, okay? I’m… I’m sorry.” Asta sighed. “I wish I knew some other fuckin’ way to say it. I wanted to talk to you for fuckin’ months, but Ted kept goin’ on about how great you were doing without me and I got worried I’d just fuck up again.”

“Why’d you come over when I texted you then?”

“Okay, uh, first of all, I hadn’t heard from you in forever. And then, drunky drunk, you passed the fuck out and scared the shit out of me when you wouldn’t text me back. I didn’t know if you’d fallen down and smashed your head or what.”

“That wouldn’t have–”

“Last winter solstice. You, spiced wine, coffee table.”

“Okay, fine, so I’m a little clumsy sometimes.” Jay toyed with the cord of his headset. “I’m… I’m sorry I said that stuff to you. And that I worried you.”

“It’s okay.” Asta sounded like he was smiling now. “I had it coming. Kinda why I just figured I’d stay away from you. Let you do your thing. Live life. Blah blah.”

“Why did you talk to Chase about me then?”

“Ginger daddy said he could sell life insurance to a dead man, and I… I maybe wanted to talk to you one last time. I figured if he was half as good as he said he was, that he’d get me a chance to say how sorry I was.” Asta’s tone was sincere, and his voice seemed strained as if he was trying to keep his emotions at bay. “Because I am. I’m so damn sorry. I got scared, I fucked it up, and I lashed out like a complete fuckin’ tool.

“And the truth is… I haven’t exactly been the nicest person here lately. I’ve been an asshole to everybody because I’m pretty damn pissed off at myself. Four whole stupid centuries in this world and I didn’t have a fucking clue how to react to somebody tellin’ me they loved me except to be a dick fungus. 

“All I could think about was how I wasn’t… good enough.”

“What are you talking about?” Jay scoffed.

“Hey, everlasting cat princes are allowed to be insecure too, thank you,” Asta teased lightly. “But for cereal… I… I couldn’t get all that shit out of my head we’d just been talking about with my old man and measuring my own success. It made me realize that I haven’t exactly been successful at fuckin’ all, and when you dropped your love bomb? Definitely wasn’t feeling it.”

“Because you didn’t think you deserve it?” Jay shook his head. “Look, even though you’re still a ginormous tool, I meant what I said. You’re a really great guy, Asta. You’ve helped save the world twice now. Not just Aeon, but pretty much the entire universe. And it’s the small stuff too.” 

“Small stuff?” 

“Like giving me flowers that smelled like fish because you know how much I love sushi. Changing the damn colors of those flowers because you knew I’d notice because I love the game so much…”

And it’s why I love you so much. Because you remembered. You listened to me. You paid attention. 

Jay couldn’t very well say any of that, so he instead chose to add, “You… you really are amazing.” 

“Yeah, I am pretty cool and all, but after love comes marriage and the baby carriage and I just can’t wrap my head around any of that. I’m not exactly mature, you know”

“But I didn’t want you to be.” Jay’s eyes stung. “I just… I just wanted you to be you and to be with me. I didn’t love some idealized perfect future version of you. I loved the crazy ridiculous guy you are right now.”

“Loved?” Asta echoed sadly, focusing on the past tense of the word. “Do you not… feel that way about me now?”

Jay sniffed. “I… I don’t know.”

Didn’t he?

Isn’t that why he rushed home to log on a game he hadn’t played in months?

Though Asta was the very reason he’d been avoiding said game, he’d risked certain imprisonment by driving at neck-breaking speeds just to meet him here. 


Jay’s heart hurt, and he had no idea how to answer. 

“I can’t, I can’t answer that right now.” 

“Sorry. Shit. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay.” Jay took off his glasses so he could wipe the tears from his eyes. “I really do appreciate you apologizing. I do. It’s, uh… It really does mean a lot, but I don’t think… I don’t think we can…”

“Look, I’m not asking for another chance. Pretty sure I annihilated any and all percentage of a happy ending here. But maybe we could aim for, uh, a neutral one?”

“What do you mean?”

“You up for a raid?” 

Jay laughed. “Yeah. Totally.”

“Fighters still suck.”

“Fuck off.” 

<– PREV | NEXT –>

Untouched Mussels: Chapter 05

Chapter 5.

The next few days were the happiest of Jay’s life.

He and Asta were inseparable, and they had the most marvelous adventures together.

Sure, some of them were in the magical on-line realm of Crusaders of the Dark Savant, but their real world quests were just as exciting. 

After gentle prodding, Asta managed to convince Jay to visit the city proper, and they ate crystal candies and chocolate eggs and enjoyed an incredible rooftop view. Jay screamed a handful of times when the many monstrous citizens came too close, and it was surreal when they screamed back, equally startled. 

Asta took Jay on tours all across Xenon, from the brilliant glowing forests to the jagged mountains and black sandy beaches, showing him the beautiful wonders of his home world. 

He even took him to the bridge, but only after Jay asked him to. 

Jay was curious about where his soul was destined to spend a hundred years before moving on to the home of the gods, after all.

There were plenty of lavish meals with Ted and Grell, and Jay was now comfortable enough to entertain young Graham. 

He screamed only once when he met Professor Kunst. 

Ted brought Jay out for his own tour of the city, and he showed Jay where all the best restaurants were. Jay marveled at how comfortable Ted was amongst the many unique creatures and also by how much they seemed to adore their future ruler. 

Ted knew everyone by name, asked about their families, shared jokes and fun stories, and it was truly the happiest Jay had ever seen him. 

Jay blushed when Ted said the same of him. 

Obviously the question of Jay’s relationship with Asta came up, and Jay was mostly honest.

Mostly because he wasn’t about to share the sexy details of what exactly he and Asta were up to in the bedroom. 

Or by the computer. 

Or that one time in the library. 

“Those two dicks are fuckin’ somethin’ else, huh?” Ted had teased. 

“They sure are,” Jay had confirmed and nothing more was said about it. 

Ted clearly assumed Jay and Asta were having sex, and Jay was not about to correct him. That was one secret he planned on keeping to himself for the rest of forever. Besides, he and Asta were busy doing plenty of other fun things. 

Asta never pressured Jay or made him uncomfortable when they were together. He was endlessly patient and thoughtful, quite the contrast to the brash personality he showed to everyone else. When he was with Jay, he was a different person.

Well, like ninety percent different anyway. 

Asta could still be crass, definitely flirty, but he always took the time to talk to Jay. Especially after being intimate, Asta wanted Jay to let him know how it was, if he enjoyed himself, and if he liked something or if he didn’t. Asta was apparently determined to be the most attentive boyfriend in the universe. 


The very word made Jay blush. 

The days had been blissful but passed far too quickly, and soon it was Jay’s final night in Xenon. 

Jay was nervous.

He and Asta had talked a lot over the past week. Their family, friends, sex, what talent and spec combination was the most formidable for their classes since the nerf in the latest patch. 

The one thing they hadn’t talked about was what would happen when Jay went home. 

Would Jay visit Asta here in Xenon? Would Asta come see him on Aeon? 

What were they going to do? 

After a lavish farewell dinner hosted by Grell and Ted, Asta whisked Jay away to his bedroom. Judging by the way he slid his tongue so hungrily into Jay’s mouth, it was obvious how he wanted to say goodbye. 

Not that Jay minded, but he really did need to clarify a few things first. 

“Ahem. One second?” Jay gently pushed Asta back so they could catch their breath. 

“Huh?” Asta blinked, and then he flashed a big grin. “Oh, of course.” He carefully removed Jay’s glasses. “I always forget.” 

“Yes, but—”

“One sec!” Asta hurried over to drop the glasses off on his bedside. He practically sprinted back, capturing Jay’s lips in another passionate kiss. “Mmm, there we go.” 

“Asta!” Jay scolded. 

“Yes, babycakes?” Asta batted his eyes. “Did you not get enough ribs cracked by ol’ Cat Kicker? Don’t worry, you’ll see him tomorrow at breakfast before I take you home. Well, maybe. I might want to have breakfast in bed, mrow.”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk about.” Jay dodged Asta’s lips. “Going home?”

“What is it?”

“Are we…” Jay fidgeted. “Are we still going to, uh…”

“Doing kinky weird stuff with our dicks? That was my plan.” 

Jay laughed. “I’m serious!”

“So am I!” Asta protested as he hugged Jay’s waist, steering him toward the bed. “I’m only a portal away at any given time, babe. All you gotta do is call me up.” 

“With the pumpernickel thing?” 

“Yes, the pumpernickel thing.” Asta lightly pushed Jay onto the mattress and then eagerly crawled on top of him. “And you’d better call me. Because I will come lookin’ for you if you don’t.” 

Jay got settled in the pillows, and he hugged Asta’s shoulders. It was no surprise that Asta’s clothes were already gone, and Jay rubbed his bare back. “I will. I will call you every day.” 

“Damn skippy.” Asta kissed Jay passionately, and he helped him strip off his shirt in between swipes of tongue. 

“I’ve never been so happy,” Jay murmured, quickly pushing his pants down. “You’re so amazing.” 

“So are you,” Asta said. “All I want Is to be with you, baby cakes.” He cradled Jay’s cheek. “By all the gods, I’ve never wanted anybody like I fuckin’ want you.” 

“I want you too,” Jay said earnestly, his emotions bubbling up heavy and hard. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss you so much.” 

“I’m gonna miss you like crazy.” Asta ducked his head to smooch at Jay’s throat. “Fuck, I’m not even gonna be able to sleep without you in my fuckin’ bed.” 

Jay squirmed, panting faster. “Asta!”

Asta sucked and dragged his teeth along Jay’s jaw, and his hand slid down Jay’s stomach. They were both growing hard from the delicious friction, and Jay moaned when Asta bit down on his collarbone. 

“Don’t worry, babycakes,” Asta teased. “I’ll only leave hickies where no one can see them.”

Jay groaned as Asta moved his way to Jay’s hips, lavishing the curve of his stomach with more kisses and playful nips. “Down there… down there is good.” 

“I figured you would say that.” Asta winked as he smooched at the base of Jay’s cock.

Jay had come to really appreciate Asta’s amazing oral skills in a very short time, and he whimpered in anticipation as Asta continued to kiss and nuzzle his hard dick. 

Asta flicked out his tongue to tease around the slit and then went back down to mouth over Jay’s balls. 

Gods, that tongue.

The things Asta could do with it…

Jay wiggled. “Asta, please.”

“Mmm?” Asta sucked lightly on Jay’s balls. “Sorreh, cunh hear yooh.”

“Asta!” Jay whined more insistently, and he gasped as Asta licked up the shaft of his dick in one hungry lap.

“What? Sorry I couldn’t hear you. I had balls in my mouth.” Asta grinned. “Did you need something?”

“You’re so mean!”

“What? Me?” Asta swirled his tongue over the head of Jay’s cock, gazing at him coyly through his lashes. “Never.” 

Jay didn’t know why, but he had the wildest urge to grab Asta.

So he did.

He got a hold of Asta’s shoulders to pull him up as if he was seeking a kiss, knowing Asta would come willingly. But before their lips met, Jay used his weight to push up and over, successfully pinning Asta down into bed.

“Mrow.” Asta gazed up at Jay in amazement. “Somebody is feeling frisky tonight, huh?”

“Yup.” Jay kissed him. “Sure am.” He enjoyed a smug smile as he started his own descent of Asta’s body, but he wasn’t in the mood for teasing. He went right for what he wanted, Asta’s cocks, and he immediately sucked the head of the first one into his mouth.

“Ah, fuck me! Yes!” Asta gasped.

Jay kept sucking, soft and slow, and he stroked the other cock with his hand. Just one of Asta’s cocks was a lot to take on, and there was no way he could fit both in his mouth. He had to play with them like this, taking turns sucking and stroking them individually. He’d switch off here and there to make sure each dick got plenty of attention, and he absolutely loved how Asta moaned for him.

“Gods, yes. Suck me, babycakes,” Asta mewled happily. “Your tongue feels so fuckin’ nice. Suck me harder, come on… fuck!” His hips jerked from a particularly enthusiastic bit of suction. “Fuck, you’re gonna suck my brains out if you keep that up, fuckkk.”

Jay trailed his fingers down behind Asta’s balls, stroking against his taint with his thumb. He knew from previous encounters that this was a very sensitive area for Asta, and he dragged his thumb a little lower, just above Asta’s asshole. He thought about touching Asta there, maybe just a quick tease over top of it or around it, but he hesitated. 

Though they’d been quite adventurous in their many sexual encounters  this week, there were still a few things they hadn’t yet shared.

Asta seemed to be of a mind to change that as he said, “Go on. Stick it in.”

Jay pulled off Asta’s cock. “Are you sure?”

“Fuck yes, I’m sure!” Asta crooned. “Go on. Get your fuckin’ fingers in there, babycakes.” He took a deep breath, clarifying, “Provided that you’re interested and willing to put said fingers in my asshole, please go right ahead.” 

“Y-Yeah. I’m definitely, uh, definitely interested and very, very willing.” Jay quickly slid his thumb over the head of Asta’s cock that he’d been stroking, collecting the slick precome to lube up with. He moved his hand back to where it was, rubbing the precome around Asta’s hole.

The heat surprised him, as did the puckered texture. He smiled as Asta clenched, and he continued to rub in lazy little circles. He got his other hand around both of Asta’s cocks, giving him a firm stroke as he continued to play with his hole. “Gods… this is so hot.”

“It’ll be even hotter once you stick it in,” Asta teased. “Come on, babycakes. Do it.” 

“O-Okay.” Jay slid his thumb forward, and he gasped as it smoothly slid inside.

Asta’s body was hot, slick, and Jay was in awe of how it squeezed around him. He pushed a little deeper, groaning at the new rush of feeling. He wanted to know what this would feel like with more fingers, his tongue, his cock—holy shit, his cock

Jay flushed, and he tried to stay focused on watching Asta to make sure he was doing this right.

Asta appeared relaxed, smiling as he drawled, “Yeah, babycakes. There you go. Just like that. Mm, keep going. Keep fuckin’ going.” 

Jay thrust his thumb in deeper, and he took Asta’s second cock into his mouth to suck on. He tried to stroke the first cock too, but it quickly became clear he didn’t have the coordination to do it well. He couldn’t even pat his head and rub his stomach at the same time, so he had no hope of fingering Asta, blowing him, and trying to jerk him off at the same time.

Instead, he redirected his efforts to sucking Asta’s cock while he worked his thumb in and out of him. That was manageable, and Asta’s moans signaled he’d made the right decision. 

“More, baby,” Asta urged. “Come on… I can take more.” 

Jay withdrew his thumb, switching over to his index finger. He rubbed the tip over Asta’s hole, grunting in surprise at how wet it suddenly was. “Mmph?”

“Magical lube, babe. Just go with it.”

“Mmph.” Jay pushed his finger back in, and he could feel Asta’s thighs twitch. He could go deeper with his finger than his thumb, and it was easy to thrust with the magical lube. His finger glided in and out effortlessly now, and he sucked Asta’s cock as hard as he could to match.

“Gods, yeah. That’s it. Fuck, that’s good.” Asta painted, digging his fingers into Jay’s hair. “That’s so fucking good. Put another in, please. Come the fuck on.”

Jay hesitated, but it was hard to refuse when Asta was pleading so desperately. He went ahead and added a second finger, groaning at the new snugness hugging his digits. He thrust slowly, savoring the drag of pushing into such tight heat, and he shivered as Asta pulled at his hair.

“Fuck, yes,” Asta moaned out excitedly. “Fuck!”

Jay bobbed his head faster and moved his fingers in sync with the new pace, trying to stay on rhythm. Judging by the way Asta writhed and cussed, Jay had to at least be doing a decent job so far. He wanted to make Asta come like this, but he wasn’t sure if he could.  

His jaw was throbbing from the intense suction, and his hand was cramping up. He blamed a lack of experience and probably too much gaming this week, but he was determined to keep trying. He wanted to make Asta come—

“Mm, hey, come here!” Asta pleaded.

“Wah?” Jay pulled off, a bit of drool dribbling down his chin. He hastily wiped it off. “What’s wrong?”

“Come here. I need… Mmm, I need to do something.” Asta’s eyes were wide, hungry. 

“Tell me what to do. I just wanna make you feel good.” Jay pushed his fingers in deep.

“Mmm, fuck.” Asta’s lashes fluttered. “Okay, hold that thought. I need… I need to… Just hang on.” He reached between his legs, gently urging out Jay’s fingers. 

“Was it not good?” Jay asked worriedly.

“No, babycakes. You were amazing. I just need a lil’ somethin’ more.” 

Before Jay could ask what Asta meant, he watched in shock as Asta took his second cock and bent it down between his legs…

And pressed the head inside of himself. 

“Holy crap,” Jay breathed. “You can… you can do that.”

“Told ya’. Stretchy.” Asta grinned. 

Jay couldn’t look away as the head of Asta’s cock vanished inside of his hole, and the obvious pleasure was written all over Asta’s face. His eyes were half-closed, his lips parted as he moaned, his cheeks turned a beautiful shade of pink. He kept pushing, squirming as he shoved his cock deeper in, and he grabbed a hold of his other cock.

Jay had certainly heard of people who could perform this very unique trick, but he’d never dreamed that he’d have a live performance by a gorgeous cat prince. 

“Come here.” Asta stopped stroking, wiggling his fingers in a grabbing motion as he stared at Jay’s dick. “I wanna…” 

“Huh?” Jay was hopelessly lost as his brain had gone off-line temporarily.

“Give me your dick,” Asta said flatly. 

“Oh!” Jay finally understood and got up on his knees. He leaned forward so Asta could stroke his cock and Jay’s together, and Jay melted into the tight hold. He added his own hand to help keep them together, rocking forward slowly as he bowed his head for a kiss. “You’re so hot.” 

“So are you, baby,” Asta mumbled. “You’re so fuckin’ sexy.” 

“I’m close,” Jay warned breathlessly. “I can’t help it. Watching you do that, just… wow.” 

“Your fingers felt so fucking good, I just… mmm.. I needed it. I needed it so bad.” Asta kissed him hungrily, urging their fingers to move faster on their dicks. 

“You’re seriously the hottest thing ever,” Jay praised, grinding their hips together. “I could watch you do that for fucking hours.”

“Yeah?” Asta shifted his other hand to reach underneath himself to keep pushing his cock in. “You really like that shit, huh? Kinky bastard.”

Jay grinned.

His balls were pressed in between Asta’s dicks, and he grinded there harder as he slid his tongue into Asta’s mouth. Asta groaned and wrapped his long legs around Jay’s hips, drawing him in close and encouraging him to keep moving. Jay was startled to feel both of Asta’s hands wrapping about their cocks.

It was then Jay realized it was the press of his body at this precise angle that was keeping Asta’s other dick inside of himself. When Jay pushed forward, he was pushing Asta’s dick, and that new knowledge provided Jay with the wonderful idea to slam forward.

His balls got a little squished, but Asta’s pleasurable sob was absolutely worth it. 

“Fu-uck!” Asta sang happily, his thighs squeezing around Jay. “Come on, come on, baby. Keep going! Don’t stop, don’t stop!” 

“I won’t! I won’t!” Jay kept grinding as hard as he could, watching Asta’s beautiful face as he trembled beneath him. He could tell Asta was close, right on the edge. He didn’t know where the words even came from, but he whispered against Asta’s lips, “Come on. Come for me, baby.” 

“Jay!” Asta’s voice cracked, his hips jerked, and he sobbed as he came. 

Jay continued to pump his hips, shuddering at the hot rush of Asta’s come gushing over his cock. He groaned as Asta kept working his hands, stroking furiously to drag Jay over into bliss with him. 

It only took a few more jerks and Jay was there, groaning as his dick pulsed hard. He rutted into Asta’s grip, trying to keep up the momentum as they slid together. He kissed Asta passionately, and he loved the hot press of their bodies as they each sought out the last shivers of pleasure. For a few precious seconds, Jay swore they were one perfect being, fully united by this beautiful moment of ecstasy.

As they parted, Jay gazed down into Asta’s gorgeous eyes and time stopped. 

He swore there was actual gold glittering around Asta’s brilliant irises, and Asta’s sweet toothy smile hit Jay somewhere deep within his very being. He could imagine looking at that gorgeous smile tomorrow, the day after that, and the day after that until all the stars fell down from the sky…

He loved Asta. 

Cheeky, ridiculous, handsome Asta.

Jay was absolutely, hopelessly, head over heels in love with—

“Wow.” Asta fanned himself off. “It’s pretty stunning how incredible I am. Fuck, I might actually pass out from my own sheer awesomeness.” 

“And so humble.” Jay chuckled. 

Jay rolled off beside Asta, but he stayed close so they could kiss again as their legs hooked together. The mess vanished away, and Jay assumed Asta had pulled his certain parts out of his other parts though he didn’t actually check.

“Hey, nobody else is gonna toot my horn, so I might as well fucking do it.” Asta winked. “Except you, of course.” 

“Come on.” Jay petted Asta’s hair, smoothing it back. “Your dad is proud of you.” 

“Yeah, when he’s not busy talking about what a jackass I am.” 


“I know I’m a jackass, obviously. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.” Asta winked. “But uh, you know… I do have other ones. Other traits, I mean.” 

Jay frowned when Asta hesitated to elaborate. It was also concerning to see Asta appear upset. 

Reaching for Asta’s hand, Jay asked gently, “Do you and your dad not get along?”

“What? Pffft. Of course we do.” Asta scoffed. “In that special way that a father and his disappointing son do.” 

“You think you’re disappointing?”

“I know I am.” Asta toyed with Jay’s fingers. “I’ve heard all his speeches about how he was already married by this age and already fucking king by this fucking time and he’d already solved the crop crisis in this year or that one or whatever it was.”

“Maybe he just says that stuff so you’ll look up to him?”

“No.” Asta gritted his teeth. “It’s his personal road map of milestones, these meaningless little checkpoints he has expected me to hit all of my fucking life that I’ve gloriously skipped over.” He squeezed Jay’s hand. “He does it in this real shitty joking way of his, but I know he means it. He just doesn’t have the balls to come out and tell me.” 

Jay didn’t want to say the wrong thing, carefully replying, “He doesn’t seem like a guy who holds back.” 

“With me, he does.” 


“Guilt.” Asta rolled his eyes. “Hello. He blames himself for not stopping my mom from getting sick. Talks about how he should have ordered Mom to stay home ‘cause hey, they’d be fucking divorced but at least Mom would be alive.” He sighed. “So, he just lets me get away with fucking everything and gives me passive aggressive bullshit critiques.” 

“If you know he’s upset with how you’re acting, why don’t you… well…”

“Act differently?” 

Jay grimaced. 

“Gee, why didn’t I think of that?” Asta scowled.

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, don’t be. I’m being an asshole.” Asta kissed Jay’s hand. “You don’t need to hear all this shit.”

“But I will if you want to talk about it,” Jay insisted. “I think your dad is wrong, you know.” 

“Tell him that.” 

“I will.” Jay held his head high. “So what, you haven’t saved any crops or gotten married yet? You should be allowed to measure your success on your own terms, not his. Did he forget that you and your visions helped save the world? Because I sure as hell didn’t.” 

Asta perked up. 

“You’re funny, you’re thoughtful, you’re so smart, and you’re an incredible Crusaders player. You calculate the aggro in your head while we’re playing without a mod. That’s insane.” Jay smiled warmly. “You have so many wonderful gifts. Even if your dad can’t see them, I do.” 

“Thank you.” Asta pressed a sweet kiss to Jay’s lips. “That… that really means a lot to me.”

You mean a lot to me,” Jay said, meeting Asta’s bright eyes and getting lost there. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” 

“I am pretty cool, huh?” 

“The coolest.” 

“Do you even want to be king?” 

“Eh?” Asta’s brows furrowed. 

“Do you even want to be king?” Jay repeated. “I’m assuming you do and that’s why what your dad thinks means so much to you. Because he seems like a good ruler, right?”

“He’s pretty disgustingly beloved.”

“Well, you will be too.” Jay grinned. “In your own very special way.” 


“You told me earlier this week you wanted to make a Backstreet Boys song the official Xenon anthem.” 

“What? Their songs are timeless.” 


“Don’t drink the hater-ade, babycakes.” Asta grinned. “BSB forever.” 

“Didn’t you also say you think it should be illegal to wear pants indoors?”

“Okay, but that could be totally optional… except on the weekends.” 

Jay laughed. “So, okay, yeah, you’re well on your way to being a super beloved and awesome ruler. Really listening to the will of the people. But seriously.” He smirked. “You still have plenty of time to figure all that out, and you can do it on your schedule. Not your Dad’s.”

“Thank you.” Asta brushed their noses together. “For… you know.”


“Giving a shit.” Asta smiled warmly. “You know you’re the first person who’s ever asked me if I wanted to be king. Everybody just kinda assumes that I’m all about it ‘cause I like telling people what to do.”

“Well… you are kinda all about it.”

“Of course I am!” Asta cackled. “But it’s still rude as fuck for people to just assume!” 

Jay laughed. “By all the gods, I love you.” 


“I said, I…” Jay tensed. 



Oh no.

Jay didn’t know if he should try to play it off as a joke or not. He couldn’t read the eerily blank expression on Asta’s face, and he had no idea what to do. He had only known he was in love with Asta as of five minutes ago, and he certainly hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. 

He knew in his heart that there was no one else in the entire universe that he wanted to be with. He’d never felt this way about anyone, not ever, and his entire chest was bubbling over with the most wonderful warmth that made him feel downright giddy.

Asta saw Jay for who he was, nerdy bits and all, and Jay didn’t have to hide anything from him. He could be himself, totally and completely, and he knew that was special. He didn’t want to lose this, and the way his heart fluttered made his fingers tremble as he gazed sweetly at Asta. 

Maybe it was a terrible idea, but Jay couldn’t take those words back any more than he could deny the awesome feelings that had let them slip right out.

“I love you,” Jay said again, more sincerely. “Asta desu Crem I’m Still Working On Remembering Your Whole Name, I love you. I… I’ve never been so happy. I feel like I’ve just been waiting my whole life for you, and here you are, and… I… yeah.”

Asta blinked, and he still said nothing. 

“Are you… okay?” 

“No, yes, I’m just, uh… I wasn’t expecting that. So soon.” Asta fidgeted. “You know, that.” 

“I’m sorry.” Jay cringed miserably. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Jay rubbed his face, pleading, “I thought it was the right time—”

“It hasn’t even been a week!” Asta groaned.

“I said I was sorry! It’s just, it’s just what I feel!” 

“After a week?”

“Well, yeah.” Jay felt even worse now, and his stomach churned violently. “We’ve been talking about being together, how great everything is, and you said you were the happiest you’ve ever been—”

“And I am! That’s just… whew, boy.” Asta withdrew to the edge of the bed. “That’s a big one, babycakes.”

“We, we can do it.” 

“Huh?” Asta’s eyes widened. 

“Sex.” Jay took a deep breath. “I meant what I said about feeling like I was waiting for you. Even if you don’t feel the same about me, I’m ready. I want to do it before I go back home.” 

“Yeah, that’s gonna be a no, Casanova.”

“What? Why?”

“You just told me you loved me and now you wanna fuck?” Asta’s nose wrinkled. “Babycakes, come on. A blind man could see that’s a tiny bit desperate.”

“Desperate?” Jay scoffed angrily. “What? Because I finally decided that I care about someone enough to have sex with them?”

“Because it sounds like you’re only offering up that dick because you want me to be all up in love with you too.”

“What?” Jay’s feelings surged between outrage and shame, and he honestly had no way to defend himself.

He didn’t want to believe Asta’s terrible accusation, but wasn’t at least a part of that true? Did he just want to have sex in hopes that Asta would come to feel the same way about him if they did?

“I…” Jay stammered, still choking on air and not able to say a single word. “No… I…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Asta turned away from Jay. “I’m not in the mood anyway.”

“Oh.” Jay’s heart dropped, and he pulled the sheets up over himself. 

He felt like an absolute moron. He’d made a bad situation even worse, and whatever beautiful feelings were blossoming between them had been sent right into an incinerator. He hated that Asta wouldn’t even look at him right now, and he tried to reach for him.

“I’m really, really sorry,” Jay said. “Can we just go back to before I said that, please? Can we pretend it never happened?”

Asta grimaced. “I don’t think I can.”

“What? Why?”

“Those are not the kinda words you just throw around, okay?”

“But I wasn’t—”

“We’re done, babe.” Asta was out of bed in a flash, and a powerful portal brought them to the guest bedroom. 

It happened so seamlessly that Jay found himself in the guest bed still clutching Asta’s sheets that had come with him. He stared at Asta, staring dumbly as he tried to make sense of what he was saying. 

“Are you…” Jay squinted. 

“Oh, here.” Asta snapped his fingers. 

Jay flinched as his glasses appeared on his face. He adjusted them as he asked heatedly, “Are you seriously breaking up with me?”

“No.” Asta smiled sweetly. “We would have to be dating to break up, babycakes.” 

“Wow.” Jay’s heart shattered. “Fuck you.” 

“Ooo, ow, right in my feels.” Asta rolled his eyes. “I’m not looking for any end game raiding level type stuff, you dig? I don’t care about scoring any big server firsts. I just wanted to grind out some dailies with you. You know, I really wanted us to be… casual.” 

“I hate you so much for all of this but especially for every part of that stupid fucking analogy right now!”

“You can hate me all you want on your merry ol’ way back to Aeon. Enjoy your empty ass apartment.” 

“I fucking will!” Jay glared. “I’d rather it be fucking empty than filled with your insane ego!”

“I’d rather have a giant ego than whatever bonkers neuroses you have rattling around upstairs!”

Bonkers? Me?” Jay was shouting now. “Says the fucking guy who measures his worth by stupid in-game achievements and obsessed over all his Daddy issues!” 

“Daddy issues?”

“Yeah! Multiple volumes! Like, a whole fucking library!” 

Asta scowled, apparently struck speechless as he stood there glaring silently.

“Are you going or what?” Jay demanded, fighting against the tears burning his eyes. “I don’t have anything fucking else to say to you!”

“Could I get one last blowjob for the road?” Asta quipped.

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

Asta shrugged, and he grinned sheepishly. “Figured the worst you could say was no?”

“Oh, you stupid prick,” Jay seethed. “I’ve got plenty to say to you right now. For starters, you can go suck your own dicks and I hope you choke on them!” He angrily wiped his eyes. “This is a nightmare. It’s a fucking nightmare. And it just proves you really can’t help who you fall in love with because no one in their right mind would ever love you because you’re an epicly selfish manipulative asshole.


“No wonder you’re four hundred years old and still fucking alone.” Jay glared with all the fury he could muster, and he felt a sick satisfaction when Asta flinched. He turned sharply, rolling over so his back was to Asta and refusing to say another word. 

The pop of a portal signaled Asta’s exit. 

Jay looked up to make sure Asta had actually left, and he sniffed quietly. The tears came fast and hard, and he sobbed into the pillow. Part of his brain was still in shock. He couldn’t believe the horrible things Asta had said, much less all the mean stuff that he’d said himself in reply. 

How the fuck had something so wonderful gone wrong so quickly?

Yes, Asta was alone, as that big jerk deserved to be after that stunt…

But now so was Jay. 

<– PREV | NEXT –>

Untouched Mussels: Chapter 04

Chapter 4.

The fireworks dancing across the sky above were nothing compared to the brilliant sparks going off when Asta kissed Jay.

Jay gasped, immediately tense, and he raised his hand to touch Asta’s cheek to urge him to keep going. He was afraid Asta would think that he wanted to stop, and that was the very last thing he wanted to do. 

Asta’s kisses were sweet and gentle, and he squeezed Jay’s waist. He didn’t push or paw, simply happy to trade soft kisses with Jay while the rainbow lights sparkled overhead. 

As far as first kisses went, Jay had to admit it was pretty perfect. 

“Was that okay?” Asta murmured, bumping their noses together.

“Yes,” Jay whispered back. His face was flushed, his fingers were shaky, and he was smiling from ear to ear. “Flawless victory.”

Asta laughed, and he kissed Jay again, a bit more passionately than before. 

Jay pressed closer, and he raked his nails through Asta’s hair. He was impressed by what a sensual kisser Asta was, having expected something more rushed or needy with the immature way Asta often behaved. It was a pleasant surprise to be seduced by Asta’s lips and teasing flicks of his tongue, and he melted against Asta’s chest.

Asta cradled the back of Jay’s head, and he finally slid his tongue into Jay’s mouth with a throaty purr.

Jay gasped, and Asta’s tongue quickly retreated. He pulled away, trying to catch his breath. “No, hey, it’s okay.” 

“It wasn’t too much?” Asta frowned.

“No, no.” Jay took off his glasses to set over on the picnic basket. He smiled shyly as the rest of the world became a blur except for Asta. “We, we can definitely keep going.” 

“Good. ‘Cause I really, really wanna.” Asta growled playfully, and he swept Jay up into his lap.

Jay laughed at how easily Asta moved him, and he hugged Asta’s neck. 

“This good?”

“Very good.” Jay went in for another kiss this time, glad that his glasses were out of the way now. He had to resist turning so he could wrap his legs around Asta, choosing to keep them together for now over Asta’s thighs. 

Inexperience didn’t dull his desire, and he was already getting rock hard. He could feel Asta was too, and he moaned when Asta grabbed his hip. He was sure Asta was holding back, but Jay didn’t want him to. 

He grabbed Asta’s hand, directing it to his butt. 

“Praise be to all the fuckin’ gods,” Asta mumbled as he squeezed greedily. “You have the most perfect ass.” 

Jay laughed, and he petted Asta’s hair. “Yeah?” 

“Yup. Definitely perfect.” Asta kissed him. 

They went back to making out, and Asta groped every inch of Jay’s bottom now that he’d been given leave to. He palmed his cheeks, sliding his fingers down to caress what he could of Jay’s thighs, and then back up again to the top of his hips. 

Jay was going crazy from all the attention, and he didn’t know what to do with himself except to keep kissing Asta. He was sweating, buzzed off the hot drag of Asta’s tongue, and he experimentally grinded down against Asta’s hard cock. 

Well, cocks technically, though Jay could only feel one with the way he was sitting in Asta’s lap. 

That simple roll of his hips made Asta gasp, and he pulled away, clearly just as flustered as Jay was. 

“Whew.” Asta panted. “We gotta talk about some ground rules here, babycakes.” 

“Ground rules?” Jay asked, wiping off his brow. 

“I am down to raid your beautiful body on whatever difficulty setting you fuckin’ want. We can keep it sweet and easy, advance to moderate, or go real fuckin’ hard. And when you do sexy stuff like that, I really, really wanna go hard.” 

Jay’s mind blanked on the analogy. “You mean you want to have sex?”

“Do rogues do it from behind?” Asta grinned. 

“I know that’s a yes, but I’m not… I…” Jay squirmed, and his thoughts were a wild tornado of yes, yes, yes, and a very loud reply of no, no, no. 

“Tell me what you want,” Asta said more seriously. “We don’t have to do anything, you know. I’m happy kissing you.” 

“What if… uh…” Jay floundered. “Hands? I’m good with hands. My hands. Your hands. Touching. Things.” 

“Yeah?” Asta licked his lips. “We can do that. Nice and slow, babycakes.”

“Slow is good. Slow is really, really good.” Jay shrugged out of his jacket, and then he watched Asta’s simply vanish. “Show off.” 

“I promise to try and refrain from using magic during sexy times,” Asta said solemnly as he curled his arms back around Jay’s waist. 

Jay’s tie loosened, and the buttons of his shirt popped on their own. 

“After that,” Asta added with a wink. 

Jay turned so that he was straddling Asta’s hips now, and he inhaled sharply as his hard cock pressed into Asta’s. He ignored the new source of potential friction for now, helping himself to Asta’s shirt and unbuttoning each button methodically. 

Asta reached for Jay’s tie, waited for Jay to nod, and then he pulled it free. 

The energy wasn’t as feverish as it was before, though heat was certainly boiling between them. Jay’s face felt like it was sunburned from being so worked up, but he really did want to take his time now. Whatever they did together, he needed it to mean something. 

As tempting as it was to let himself be ravaged on this picnic blanket by a gorgeous prince, he didn’t want to do anything he’d regret later. 

Though it was hard to imagine regretting a single thing being with Asta. 

Asta was gentle as he matched Jay’s pace of removing his shirt, each of them pulling back the fabric to reveal their bare torsos. The first press of their naked skin made Jay shudder, and he had no idea what happened to their shirts once they took them off. 

It was probably more of Asta’s magic, but Jay was too focused on exploring Asta’s nipples to care. 

He found one had a small scar as if it had once been pierced, and he couldn’t resist thumbing over it until it got hard. He kissed Asta as he circled it slowly, rocking shyly forward to get a taste of the friction he knew this position could deliver. 

Asta’s fingers moved up Jay’s back, tracing the lines of his spine and shoulder blades. He grunted appreciatively at the attention to his nipples and fanned his hands down Jay’s flanks to settle on his hips. “By all the fuckin’ gods, you’re so damn hot.” 

“You too.” Jay sighed adoringly. “So fucking hot.” 

Asta reconnected their lips, and Jay arched forward, their chests bumping in his haste. Asta rubbed his back soothingly, seemingly content to merely stroke Jay’s hips as they made out. Jay, however, was not.

He wanted more, aching for relief from the pressure that was already boiling in his loins, and he rocked his hips down insistently. 

“Mmm, yes?” Asta murmured.

“Come on.” 

“Come on, what?”

“You know.” 

“I do?” Asta seized the moment to latch onto Jay’s throat, sucking there gently.

Jay moaned, his head falling back so Asta could roam from his collarbone up to his jaw. He dug his fingers into Asta’s hair, and he squeezed his legs around his waist. “Ah, mmm… yes! Yes, you do!”

“I’m not really sure,” Asta mumbled as he nipped at Jay’s earlobe.

Jay yelped in surprise and pleasure, stunned that there was apparently a direct line from his ear to his nipples that also somehow connected to his dick. He rutted against Asta, whimpering. “You’re so mean!”

“Mean?” Asta chuckled. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand what it is you want, babycakes.”


“If you want me to do something, you just have to ask.”


“I’m not a mind reader–”

“Asta, please touch me!” Jay all but growled.

“Oh, okay.” Asta kissed along Jay’s jawline, grinning as he teased, “Where exactly?”

Jay wanted to choke him. 

“Where do you think?” 

“Well.” Asta glanced very purposefully between them. “I do have some ideas.” He hugged Jay’s waist. “Hold on tight.” 

With a whoosh of wind and a pop, they were magically transported into Asta’s bedroom right in the middle of his bed. 

It had happened so smoothly that Jay almost didn’t realize what had happened except for the telltale popping sound and the obvious change of scenery. 

“Wow.” Jay grinned. “You’re getting pretty good at that, huh?”

“I’ve only had a few hundred years to practice.” Asta kissed him. “Now.” He turned, rolling them over so Jay was on his back. “Someone wanted a little something something, as I recall?”

Jay beamed up at Asta, his legs still firmly wound around Asta’s waist. He felt over Asta’s shoulders and chest, trying to hide how his hands were still shaking. I would very much like the something something now, please.” 

“Hey.” Asta took one of Jay’s hands and kissed it. “I’ve got you. We’re gonna go nice and slow. In the highly unlikely situation that I do anything you don’t like, you tell me, babycakes.” 

Jay chuckled. “O-Okay. I… I trust you.” 

Asta bowed his head for a kiss, letting go of Jay’s hand to reach for his face. He caressed his cheek as their lips slid together, and then he slowly began to drag his fingers down Jay’s bare chest. 

Jay moaned when Asta’s thumb caught his nipple, and he ground his hips up against Asta’s. He didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but it felt good and he went with it. He’d only ever gone farther than this a few other times, including twice with that jerk Bryce, and—shit, shit, shit! 

He didn’t want to think about Bryce right now, not when he had a gorgeous Asran prince kissing him and touching him and by all the gods, yes, finally unbuckling his belt. 

Asta slid back, parting from Jay’s lips as he went for Jay’s shoes and socks. He threw them over his shoulder onto the floor, humming coyly as he gazed over Jay like a delicious meal. 

Jay was nervous, but he was determined. He boldly unzipped his pants and then pushed them down around his thighs. His cock was clearly hard, and there was a very prominent wet spot in front of his boxers. 

Asta eagerly dragged Jay’s slacks the rest of the way off and then sent them flying off to the floor. He removed his own pants with a thought, revealing a pair of black panties. 

Jay audibly grunted because the delicate lace did nothing to hide the bulge of Asta’s twin cocks, and he didn’t have the presence of mind to call out Asta for using magic to strip because he was too busy staring. 

Asta slid back between Jay’s thighs, arching his hips until their cocks touched. He pressed close for a kiss, and he ground slowly, murmuring, “This good?” 

“Yes,” Jay whispered heatedly. He slid his hands over Asta’s back, feeling his muscles flex as he moved, and he exhaled a ragged breath. “Gods, yes.” 

The heat and friction of Asta’s cocks rubbing against Jay’s own was amazing, especially when they happened to slide near the head of his dick a particular way. It felt like lightning zooming through his loins and it made Jay gasp and clench. He realized he could actually come like this if Asta kept it up. 

Asta seemed to sense the growing urgency, and he nuzzled Jay’s cheek. “You said hands were okay, right?”


“I want to touch you,” Asta said softly. 

“Yes. Please.” Jay was worried he was going to pop off the second Asta pulled his cock out, but he took a few deep breaths to stave off the building pressure. He lifted his hips so Asta could take off his boxers, and Jay’s face caught fire realizing he was now completely naked beneath Asta. 

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Asta smiled as he gazed over Jay’s body, his hand curling around his cock and giving him a firm squeeze. “You literally take my fucking breath away, babycakes.” 

In that moment, Jay really did feel beautiful. He didn’t mind his pudgy belly or the roundness in his face he’d never grown out of, not when Asta was gazing at him this worshipfully. 

He couldn’t form the words to thank Asta or tell him how beautiful he thought he was too, so he kissed him again, hoping that got the message across. 

Asta stroked him slowly as they kissed, and it was Jay who rocked out seeking more. 

“I’ve got you, don’t worry,” Asta said. “I’m gonna give you somethin’ ain’t nobody else in the universe can.” 

Jay gasped when Asta’s bare cocks suddenly pressed against his own, and he stared down at Asta’s magnificent cocks. 

One was a mirror of Jay’s own in terms of placement, and the second was seated directly behind the first. They were both peeking out from a cloak of velvety foreskin, and that was the moment Jay realized they were much bigger than he thought. 

The foreskin slid back as Asta rubbed himself against Jay’s cock, revealing otherwise very human looking anatomy—other than the size, of course. The cock in the front was the thicker of the pair, but either one was mildly terrifying. 

“Is this all right?” Asta asked. “Still good?” 

Jay realized he’d tensed up, and he nodded quickly. “I’m good! That’s, just, uh, that’s a lot. Down there.” 

“It’s okay.” Asta winked. “I can do lots of nifty shit with ‘em though.” He grabbed the heads of his cocks, holding them together tightly. He then twisted them so they were side by side horizontally, and he guided the tip of Jay’s dick to slide in between them. 

“Holy fuck!” Jay’s hips bucked, unintentionally thrusting into the tight warmth. “Oh, fuck!” 

“There you go, babycakes,” Asta purred. “There you go, just like that.” He pushed his cocks down and back up, keeping a firm hold as he used them to jerk Jay off. 

The heat alone was incredible, as was how slick Asta was. His twin cocks were oozing an enormous amount of precome, and the pressure of them hugging Jay’s cock was overwhelming. 

Nothing had ever felt this damn good, and Jay’s thighs trembled in warning. He dared to thrust more at Asta’s continued urging, and the slick friction surrounding his dick took his breath away. 

He had no other intimate act to compare it to, though he could safely say it was light years beyond any toy he’d ever tried. Toys didn’t have this texture or warmth, and they certainly didn’t have bright eyes that gazed at him adoringly or a silky voice that purred the most beautiful filth. 

“There you go, babycakes,” Asta praised. “Look at you, fucking my cocks so good. Gods, you feel so amazing. You see what you’re doin’ to me? You see how fuckin’ wet I am? Mmm…” He moved his cocks faster, making himself moan. “Fuck, you’re gonna make me come.” 

“Asta,” Jay whimpered, his hips rocking up erratically. “Me too. Fuck, mmm, me too, baby.” 

Thunder rolled through Jay’s ears as the bliss increased, and the fire between his legs raged as he watched his cock slip through the tight slit created by Asta’s dicks. His body was thrumming hard enough that he thought his soul was going to shake loose, and he locked eyes with Asta, letting out a desperate whimper.

The passion he found there in Asta’s eyes sent him over the edge as surely as Asta’s pumping cocks, and Jay gasped as he suddenly came. He watched helplessly as his dick pulsed, spilled come all over Asta’s cocks and their stomachs. “Mmm, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

“Come on, baby,” Asta purred. “Come on, get it. There you go, fuck you’re so pretty. Come on, babycakes, give it up for me!”

Jay groaned as Asta continued to jerk him off, milking out every last drop of his come. He dropped his other hand to stroke his dicks, his long fingers barely able to hug his double girth combined with Jay’s cock still slipping between them. He bit his lip, his brow scrunched in concentration.

“I wanna see you come too,” Jay said urgently, surging upward to kiss and suck at Asta’s throat.

Asta gasped. “Mmm, yeah, babycakes. I’m gonna. I’m comin’. Fuck, there!” 

Jay felt Asta tense, tremble, and then sag as he came. He watched in awe as each of Asta’s cocks pulsed a massive load, some of it hitting Jay’s stomach and hips while the rest drooled over Asta’s stroking fingers. 

As outrageously hot as the display was, Jay felt responsible for their intimacy being brought to what seemed to be a premature conclusion. 

“I’m sorry,” Jay said again, his nerves rising up as the thrill of his climax left him. 

“Sorry for what? Coming like a porn star all over me?” Asta grinned. “Don’t you ever be sorry for that. Bonus, now I get to make you come again.”

“I, I don’t think I can do that.” Jay laughed anxiously. “I, uh, I definitely didn’t think it was gonna be that… fast.” 

“It’s all right, babycakes.” Asta let go of his dicks, freeing Jay’s from their intimate grip. “I know I’m hard to resist.” 

Jay laughed, but more confidently now, and he beamed at Asta. “Well, maybe a little.” 

“Just a little? Damn. I need to work on that.” Asta kissed him sweetly, and he cuddled close. 

Jay loved the press of Asta’s naked body against his own, and this was by far the most erotic experience of his entire life. More than that, he was certain he’d made a real connection with Asta. 

Asta, a prince who was ferociously stubborn but also romantic and surprisingly considerate, a guy who loved to play Crusaders and draw aggro during raids just for fun, and a lover who made Jay smile and feel like the most beautiful man in the world. 


Jay was doomed. 

Asta erased the mess between them with a thought, but he didn’t bother with giving either of them new clothes. He did pull his colorful covers up over them, inviting Jay to snuggle on his chest after he stretched out on his back. 

Jay immediately tucked his head into the crook of Asta’s shoulder and hugged his waist, gluing himself to Asta’s side with a content sigh. “Wow.” 

“I know.” Asta patted his back. “Totally ruined you for any other creature in all the multiverse.” 

“You did.” Jay chuckled. 

“Are you okay?” Asta asked, no teasing in his tone now. “Still good, babycakes?”

“Good. So good.” Jay blushed. “Thank you… for being patient with me. That, that really was amazing.” 

Asta kissed Jay’s brow. “Good.” 

“Was it… you know.” 


“Did you… well.” Jay fidgeted. 

“It was incredible,” Asta promised, quickly picking up on what Jay was trying to say. “You’re a natural, babe.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No, thank you.” Asta made a pleased mewling sound. “I’ve been dying to do that for fucking weeks. Months. Years. Eons.” 

“You were not my pet cat that long.” 

“When you see something you want and you can’t go for it, trust me. It really does feel like an eon or two.” 

Jay thought that over for a moment, and he glanced up at Asta. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Yes,” Asta replied seriously. “I will let you put it in my butt.” 


“I’m a very versatile cat. Meow.” 

“I’m trying to be serious.” Jay groaned. “Please?” 

“What is it?” Asta was clearly resisting another smartass comment. 

“Did you… when I would… you know.” 

Asta stared. 

“Look, you were my cat for a while, and there’s certain things that happened. Things I didn’t think anything of at the time because you were a cat.”

“What? Like when you got naked?” Asta grinned slyly. “Hey, I tried not to peek. You were the one who thought it was cute to throw your shirt at me.” 

“Because for a few seconds it looked like you were wearing a little superhero cape!”

“I did my very best to be respectful.” Asta smiled innocently. “I was pretending to be a cat though, and it might have been kinda weird if I ran out of the room every time you took your clothes off. So, I chose the more cat-like option of pretending to ignore you.” 

“When I did the other… thing.” Jay cleared his throat. “You just ignored me?”

“What other thing?”

“Don’t make me say it.” Jay hid his face in Asta’s armpit.

“Say what?” Asta laughed. “Come on. You’re talking like an Asra right now, which is very endearing, but it’s also kinda annoying.”

“Says the Asra.”

Asta poked Jay’s ribs. “Come on. Spill the tea, babycakes.”

“Okay, fine.” Jay peeked up at Asta. “When I used to, you know… handle my stress. And you’d be there as a cat. And you, uh, would totally ignore me, but… were you really? Did you know what I was doing?”

“Wait.” Asta’s brow furrowed. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Jay frowned. 

“You are, aren’t you?” Asta’s confused expression melted into a wicked smile. “You totally jacked off while I was in bed with you, huh?”

“You didn’t know?” 

“I sure as fuck do now!” Asta cackled. “By all the gods! Ohhh, that’s great.”

“Fuck.” Jay buried his face again as his stomach twisted. “I should have never said anything!”

“Oh, but I’m so glad you did.” Asta was still laughing. “Oh, ow, sides hurt.”

Jay playfully smacked Asta’s chest. “It’s not that funny.”

“It’s very funny, very hot, and my only regret is that I didn’t get to see it.” Asta chuckled. “For the record, if I had known, I would have totally watched in a mostly non-creepy way.”

“I’ve been freaking out about this since I found out you weren’t a damn cat!” Jay scolded. “It’s not funny.”

“Tiny bit funny.” Asta winked.

“So, you never really saw me?”

“Nope. That’s something I would have deposited in my permanent spank bank.” Asta nudged Jay’s cheek to get him to look back up at him. “Hey, and seriously. If you had done that in front of me, I would have checked you out for a second and then left, okay?”

“Just a second?”

“Okay, more than a second. Maybe at least ten. And then I would have left.” Asta grinned. “I’m not a total perv, all right?”

“Thank you. I am both grossed out and relieved.”

“How is it gross?”

“Because I didn’t know you weren’t a real cat? It’s weird now!”

“Says the guy who jerked off next to his cat,” Asta teased. “I mean, it’s pretty weird either way.”

“It’s not the same thing.” Jay groaned, but he was trying not to smile. 

“Yeah, well, I’m just going to point out that I feel cheated from not seeing you jerk off.” Asta’s eyes flicked down very purposefully along Jay’s body. “If only there was a way we could remedy this insult…”

“If only.” Jay’s face flushed, and a twitch of arousal made his cock perk up. He slowly slid his hand down to touch himself, teasing his fingers over his shaft.

Asta watched Jay like a hawk, and he pulled the covers back. His eyes zeroed in on Jay’s hand, and he took a deep breath. “Well, if you’re just gonna go ahead and just go for it, I might as well enjoy the show, huh?” 

“Yeah…” Jay bit his lip, his cock quickly stiffening up beneath Asta’s ravenous eye. He was startled by how hot it was for someone to watch him while he did this, and his cock was at full attention in seconds. “I… I wanna watch you too.” 

“I bet you do.” Asta grinned, and he grabbed his cocks. They’d slipped back within the soft foreskin, but a few strokes was enough to draw them back. He wrapped his long fingers around them both, barely able to hold their combined girth. 

Jay watched Asta stroke, and he matched his lazy rhythm. They were close enough to kiss, but only traded hot breaths as their bodies turned toward one another’s. Now on their sides, they could eliminate the remaining space between them and grind their cocks together.

Asta teasingly caught the head of Jay’s between his own, sharing his ample precome. 

Jay rubbed it up and down his shaft, and he moaned at the slick friction it created. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Asta murmured. “Fuck, look at you… so fuckin’ sexy.”

Jay wished he had the experience to return the compliments, but the best he could do was claim a passionate kiss. He kissed Asta deeply, sliding his tongue into his mouth with a soft groan. 

Their bodies collided, their cocks grinding close as they made out. Asta hooked his leg over Jay’s hips, urging him to go faster. Jay loved it, and he found himself braver as he was driven by the feverish desire to come again. 

With a grunt, he twisted his body, pushing Asta onto his back and moving on top of him.

“Fuck yeah,” Asta growled, gazing up at Jay with wide eyes. “This is what I’m fuckin’ talking about.”

“Yeah?” Jay rolled his hips forward. “You like this?”

“Mmm, yeah. This is fuckin’ hot, babycakes.” Asta grinned. “You look real good on top of me.”

Jay balanced his weight on one hand, keeping his other hand on his dick as he jerked off. He rubbed his cock against Asta’s, though the position was awkward and left him a little unsteady.

“Hey, let go,” Asta urged. “I’ve got you.”

Jay did as Asta said, but he had to drop down to his elbows because he was getting dizzy. He didn’t mind the closeness, and he definitely didn’t mind when Asta grabbed his cock. “A-Ah, fuck!”

Asta squeezed Jay’s cock with a grin. “Slide down, just a bit, all right?”

“What are you doing?” Jay asked even as he moved down.

“About to dock your big dick. That okay with you?”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m going to take your dick and put it right here.” Asta rubbed the head of Jay’s cock between his two cocks, and then he stroked upward, pulling his foreskin up until it was hugging Jay’s dick too.

“Oh, f-fuck.” Jay’s eyes widened as he stared, gasping at the unexpected sensual visual and the tight warmth.

“Want some more, babycakes?”

“Y-Yes. Fuck yes.”

Asta flashed a wicked smile, and he directed Jay to thrust, actually pushing his cock deeper inside his foreskin. 

“Oh, shit.” Jay moaned helplessly. He could feel himself sliding between Asta’s hot dicks, and the pressure was incredible. He was tempted to rock forward, but he held his hips still. “That’s okay? It, it doesn’t hurt you?”

“Don’t try this at home,” Asta teased. 

“Asta!” Jay started to pull back.

“Hey, hey, no!” Asta used his legs to hold Jay in place. “Feels good as fuck. You won’t hurt me, okay? I’m kinda stretchy, okay?”

“Stretchy?” Jay frowned.

“Just trust me, all right?” Asta dug his heels into Jay’s butt and pulled him close. He stroked his cocks around Jay’s with both hands, feeding more of his foreskin over Jay’s. “Keep going, babycakes. Give it to me, come on.”

Jay gave a tiny thrust and nearly came on the spot, and he whimpered as he watched his cock vanishing between Asta’s cocks. At least half of his dick was inside, and Asta’s foreskin was hugging the rest down to the base. “Holy fuck.”

“Told you.” Asta smirked breathlessly. “Stretchy.” 

 “Very stretchy,” Jay mumbled as he ducked his head for a kiss. He grunted as Asta dug his feet in again, urging him to thrust a little faster, and he knew there was no way he could last long. He couldn’t deny the tight heat or the sinful slide of flesh as they moved together, and it had not escaped Jay’s attention that this position was like they were actually–


Jay gasped as he climaxed, his come flooding the tight space between Asta’s cocks and fast enveloping his own dick. He kept thrusting erratically, and he whimpered when he saw his come gushing out around the edge of Asta’s foreskin. 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop,” Asta chanted, biting at Jay’s lower lip. “Please, fuck–”

“I won’t, I won’t!” Jay promised, fighting against the ache of overstimulation as he kept pushing deep. 

He watched in awe as Asta threw his head back with a loud sob, and there was crushing pressure around his dick as Asta’s swelled. Asta’s brow scrunched, his mouth opened with a delicious moan, and Jay dared to look away from his beautiful expression only long enough to confirm that the pulsing throb he felt was Asta coming. 

Asta kissed Jay hungrily, all teeth and tongue, and he dug his fingers into Jay’s hair. 

Jay melted, kissing Asta back just as passionately. Without Asta’s grip to hold him inside, Jay’s dick slid out, and he then ground their spent cocks together with little rolls of his hips. He stopped only when he couldn’t take it any more of the intense feelings, and he smiled shyly down at Asta. “Wow.” 

“Fuckin’ wow is right, babycakes.” Asta ran his tongue over his pointed teeth. “You like that, huh?”

“I had no idea that was… that you could even… you know.” 

“Do incredible wild kinky things with dicks?” Asta chuckled. “Trust me, babycakes. When you got two dicks, you figure out all kinds of fun stuff to do with them.” He wagged his brows playfully. “Maybe next time I’ll show you just how bendy they are.” 

Jay missed the relevance of the bendy comment because he was stuck on Asta saying there was going to be a next time. His heart pitter-pattered away, and he grinned in delight. “Next time?”

“Fuck yeah, next time.” Asta rubbed their noses together. “As in, you know, like tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Jay said with a happy sigh. “For everything.”

“Oh, hey, it’s nothing. No biggy. Happy to rock your socks off any ol’ time, babe. Like, tomorrow.” 

Jay chuckled. “Well, it’s definitely a biggy to me, and uh…” He took a deep breath, summoning his courage as he continued, “It’s kind of a biggy that, uh, I really want to do it again. And that you wanna do it again with me. Like a lot again, I mean. Like, a steady thing. A dating thing. I want to date you.” 

Asta kissed him.

“Is, is that a yes?”

“Fuck yeah, babycakes. A big one.” 

<– PREV | NEXT –>

Untouched Mussels: Chapter 03

Chapter 3.

Jay braced himself as if he expected the ground to fall out from beneath him, and his stomach was light and bubbly as he gripped the armrests of the chair. 

He honestly didn’t know what was going to happen. 

He’d never kissed an Asra before. Something weird was definitely possible. Plus, it was Asta, who’d already proven to be quite unpredictable, so the chances of shenanigans were vastly increased. 

Where would a kiss lead? Would they touch each other? Would they go all the way? Why the hell was it suddenly so easy to imagine Asta bending him over the desk and ravishing him with those two dicks?

By all the gods, Jay was freaking out. 

But he was excited too. 

Right as Asta pressed close enough for Jay to smell his warm breath, however, Asta did something extremely unexpected. 

Asta pulled away. 

Flustered, Jay demanded, “What are you doing?”

“You said I only get one kiss,” Asta replied smugly. “You think I’m gonna waste it here, making out in front of my computer?”

“I… I have no idea how to answer that.” 

“The answer is no, babycakes.” Asta leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “I’m saving this kiss for the perfect moment. You just wait. It’s gonna be awesome.” 

Jay sagged, relieved but also strangely disappointed. He had really wanted to kiss Asta, and he surprised himself with how worked up he’d gotten thinking about it. 

A first kiss after hours of raiding a dungeon together sounded like about the most romantic thing Jay could think of, although he didn’t want to say that because it might sound too geeky.

Not that he should have been worried about that as his current company was most definitely as geeky as he was. 

Still, he hesitated. 

He didn’t want things to happen too fast, and he knew his feelings were already trying to get away from him. 

“How long exactly are you planning to save it?” Jay asked sourly. 

“Does this kiss have an expiration date?”

“It might,” Jay warned. 

“Hmm.” Asta typed on his keyboard. “Well, how about after dinner tonight?” 

“What, like a date?” Jay said that far too quickly. 

“More like a surprise kiss quest,” Asta mused. 

“O-Okay. You know it’s not that much of a surprise if you tell me you’re planning a surprise.” 

“That’s where the surprise comes in!” Asta grinned. “You’ll see.” 

“All right.” Jay turned back to his keyboard, and he looked at the screen. 

Asta’s character was dancing in front of his, and the height difference between them made a particular head bob look a tad pornographic. 

Jay backed his character away with a snort. “Why do you play a fairy monk anyway?”

“Uh, because they completely kick all ass?” Asta raised a brow. 

“You could be anything. The fairies are so small.” 

“Yeah, and they’re, like, impossible to hit because of it. Critical strike chance is higher than any other race, and their intelligence is through the roof without needing a buff. Major pew pew as a monk.” 

“But if you do get hit, you could die almost instantly.” 

“That’s why you make sure not to get hit.” Asta chuckled. “What about you? Fighter class?”

“What’s wrong with a fighter?”

“Nothing. I just, you know…” Asta gestured vaguely. “Fighters are kinda boring. I thought you’d wanna… Maybe play something cool.”

Jay grimaced. 

“You know, something like—”

“Like a magic user, right? That’s what you meant? The magic in Crusaders isn’t like real magic.” Jay shook his head. “It’s not the same at all. You know, people in the game don’t ask me why I didn’t roll a wizard or a damn alchemist. They don’t ask what’s fucking wrong with me because I don’t have spells. They don’t ask if I had some sort of an accident that took my magic away. They don’t tell me I’m a weirdo or a waste of space or a fucking disgrace in the eyes of the fucking Lord of Light!”

Asta’s eyes widened. 

Jay didn’t realize he’d been yelling, and he immediately cowered. 

Being born Silenced was a curse as far as he was concerned. It had plagued him for all of his life, and it was why he’d gone into technologies like computers and coding, things that magic didn’t work well with. He had wanted to feel useful, valued, normal

For someone who wasn’t born with natural gifts, the fact he could make himself feel magical in other ways by using electronics was priceless. 

He couldn’t summon fire or mend a broken leg, but he could sure as hell replace the toner on a tricky printer or walk someone through checking their email. 

No one assumed there was anything wrong with him. They thought he was a nerd, and that was better than being treated like he was inferior to everyone else. 

Because deep down inside, Jay sometimes believed he was. 

Asta opened his mouth to start, “I’m sorry—” 

“I’m sorry!” Jay froze when he realized he and Asta were talking at the same time. When he saw Asta hesitate, he tried again, “I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to go off like that!” 

“No, hey, dick move on my part. I should have realized what it was gonna sound like.” Asta scooted close so he could rub Jay’s shoulder. “I’m sorry too.” 

Jay sagged. 

“I wasn’t talking about you being Silenced,” Asta said quickly. “I would fucking never, okay? People are real assholes. But not me. Well, most of the time anyway.” He offered a reassuring smile. 

Jay frowned. “What were you talking about then? Playing something cool?”

“Uh.” Asta cringed. “I meant, you know, like a bard or a paladin. Fighters are pretty fucking vanilla.” He paused. “Fighters suck, okay?”

“By all the gods.” Jay snorted out a laugh. “You elitist dick.”

“Basic bitch.” Asta grinned.

Jay laughed again, and it was then that he knew everything was all right. 

After lecturing Asta on the many virtues of playing a fighter and listening to Asta pretend to snore loudly, they returned to the game. Asta summoned up some sushi for them to snack on because of course he knew it was Jay’s favorite food, but eventually King Grell came calling to let Jay know his presence was being requested for dinner that evening. 

If Asta could stand to share his new bestest friend who he couldn’t stop staring at longingly, of course.

Asta ignored the teasing while a flustered Jay blushed, and Asta said they’d be at dinner when it was time for dinner. They went right back to playing as soon as Grell left. 

Jay hadn’t thought to ask where Ted was after he’d seen a new hickey on Grell’s neck. 

Probably napping. 

Even though Ted was clearly keeping himself busy, Jay knew it was probably a little rude of him to hide back here all day with Asta. 

After all, Jay had traveled here to specifically check on Ted. He knew now that Ted was doing great, so the checking part was basically over, and he really was having fun hanging out with Asta. Being here with him and raiding dungeons felt like the most natural thing in the world, and it tamed Jay’s beastly anxieties.

However, it did create some new ones.

Like, when was Asta planning to get that kiss? What exactly was the perfect moment? How long was Jay going to have to wait? 

Not knowing was driving him crazy, and he had half a mind to kiss Asta right now and kill the building anticipation.

Asta was ethereally beautiful with the cerulean light of the computer illuminating his face. The violet and crimson flashes from the flames of the Fire Bomb spell he’d just cast made his eyes even brighter and more alluring than ever. There was something so sexy about the way he smiled when he took down a mob, and Jay had a lot of trouble not gawking. 

Yup. He was bailing on catching up with his roommate who had literally traveled to this magical dimension and was going to marry its king because he was sweet on his cat.

Well, the cat who was actually an Asran prince.

Jay needed to stop thinking of Asta as a pet, but it was hard to shake after having taken care of him. It was also difficult considering certain things Asta had been privy to, and great, now Jay was getting anxious about that—

“You okay?” Asta asked.

“Huh?” Jay adjusted his glasses. “What?”

They hadn’t spoken in a while, both of them in the zone as they tore through the catacombs of Orkorge Castle together.

“Are you okay?” Asta asked slowly. “Did you spontaneously lose your hearing? Or were you just distracted by my awesomeness?”

“Definitely the awesomeness.” Jay smirked.

“I knew it.”

Jay made himself turn back at the computer. 

“Seriously, what’s up?” Asta nudged him.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Jay refused to look back at Asta because he knew Asta would know he was lying. “I was just thinking. About stuff. Normal stuff.” 


“Well, like how you still know more about me than I know about you.” 

Technically true.

“You have but to ask, babycakes,” Asta purred. “The only thing I like better than talking about you is me. Ask away.” 

“Uh.” Jay pushed at his glasses. “Well, do, do you have any other family?” 

“It’s just me and dear ol’ Daddy,” Asta replied. “We got some distant ass cousins, but fuck those hoes. They only act nice because my dad’s the king.” 

“No grandparents?” 

“Nope. They’ve all been dead for like a gazillion years now, some of them before I was born.” Asta shook his head, and he added gently, “I know you were real close to yours, yeah? Your grandma? She raised you?”

“Yeah, Gerdie Tintenfisch. She was my great-grandma actually.” Jay smiled, but it was sad. “My parents lost custody of me ‘cause they had, uh, issues, and well, to keep me from going into foster care, Gerdie decided to adopt me. She taught me all about the old ways, she bought me my first computer, she loved watching TV with me…”

Without a doubt, Gerdie had been Jay’s best friend in the world. Even long after he finished college, they had decided he’d stay with her because they enjoyed each other’s company so much. They both loved the same movies and television shows, they played cards every night after dinner, and Jay even got her to play some Crusaders from time to time. 

Lower level dungeons of course, but they still had fun. 

In a world where Jay long felt unwanted and rejected, Gerdie was the one person who he knew loved him no matter what. She didn’t care that he was Silenced or a nerd—her only concerns were making sure he was on time for dinner and then stomping his butt in gin rummy or crazy eights. 

After her death, Jay was devastated. The light in his life was gone. Gerdie hadn’t just been his best friend. She was also the only real family Jay ever had. The house he grew up in was the first and only home he knew, and he found out the day of the funeral that he was going to lose that too. 

Without Gerdie’s retirement coming in now, he couldn’t afford the mortgage on his own. Unbeknownst to Jay, Gerdie had been borrowing money against the house to offset her bills when she got sick, and he didn’t have the credit to refinance it. 

He had to say goodbye to the house full of a lifetime of happy memories and the person he’d made them with all in the same day. 

It was not a good day.

Jay couldn’t say it was completely terrible though as that was also the day he’d met Ted. 

“She sounds like she was a real kickass lady,” Asta said with a kind smile. “She did a real good job with you.”


“Duh. Obviously you like me, so we know she made sure you only had the most refined taste.” 

Jay groaned. 

Asta cackled and spun around in his chair. 

“You really can’t help yourself, can you?” 

“I can, but I won’t.” Asta spun around again. “Why ruin the fun?”

Jay chuckled, clicking the mouse to steer his character over to a rest point. “Fun, huh? Is that what we’re calling it?”

“Fuck yeah.” Asta stopped himself by grabbing the edge of the desk. He clicked his mouse and brought his character over to dance on top of Jay’s as he rested. 

Jay ignored Asta’s in-game shenanigans, asking quietly, “Do you mind… if I ask about your mom?”


“I’m sorry for asking! I just, I was thinking about Gerdie and how much she meant to me, and then I thought about how you lost your mom, so we’re kinda alike, but, but—”

“Jay!” Asta grabbed Jay’s arm. 

“Huh?” Jay stared at him. 

“I said no. As in, I do not mind.” Asta let go of Jay’s arm and rubbed it soothingly. “It’s okay. I like talkin’ about my mom. Whatcha wanna know?” 

“Oh well. Do you remember him? Did he… well…” 

“I sure do,” Asta replied warmly. “I wasn’t that old when he died. I mean, it was, like, three hundred and sixteen years ago, but I totally remember him.” 

“Three hundred and what?”


“Which makes you how old exactly?” 

“Three hundred and ninety-nine.” Asta winked. “About to hit the big four-oh-oh.”

“Holy shit.” Jay blinked rapidly. “And you’re still… young.” 

“Well, yeah, duh.” Asta laughed. “Four hundred is not that old for an Asra.”

“How old is your Dad?”

“Oh, that asshole will never tell. But my Mom was over seven hundred years old when he died, so I’m gonna guess he’s close to that. He told me one time that he wasn’t much older than me when they got married, and they were hitched for six hundred and fifty-six years, so. Yeah, math that.” 

Jay paused to count in his head. “He’s at least a thousand and fifty-six years old or more.” 

“Yeah, that.” 

“And you’re really almost four hundred.” 


“Wow.” Jay fidgeted. “I guess… I guess that makes me like an embryo.”

“Creatures all mature at different rates,” Asta said firmly. “You’re at least four hundred years old in Asra years.”

“I am?”

“Oh, totally.” 

“Thank you. I think.” Jay paused. “How old is Ted?”

“Like twenty. Ugh. Can’t even catch his own tail yet.” 

Jay tried not to laugh too hard. 

The hours ticked by, the dungeons rolled on, but soon it was time for dinner. Jay was really feeling good, and he was looking forward to dinner tonight with Ted and King Grell. 

Although, he didn’t exactly have anything to wear.

Enter Asta.

Back to Asta’s bedroom they went, and a mere snap of his fingers created a rack of outfits for Jay to choose from.

It did not escape Jay’s attention that many of them had assless pants, and he wordlessly skipped those. He found a blue suit that seemed conservative but very well made, and he pulled it out for Asta’s approval. “What about this one?” 

“Hmm.” Asta wiggled his nose. 

Jay was now wearing the suit, and he patted himself down, feeling the fabric and checking the fit. He gasped as the suit’s blue hue morphed between green and purple, settling finally on a dark violet that was almost black. “Really?” 

“Brings out the green in your eyes,” Asta said sweetly. 

“Well, thank you. Uh. What are you wearing?” 

“You know, everyone is very lucky that I’m wearing any freakin’ thing at all.” Asta flipped through the rack with a yawn. “Gee, decisions, decisions…” 

“Why are you always naked?”

“I normally tell people it’s because I like the whoosh on my balls when I portal. Which is true. But really?” Asta smirked. “The only people who care are mortals, and I love pissing them off.” 

“But you wear clothes for me,” Jay pointed out. 

“Because I like you.” Asta grabbed a suit, a three-piece in black with silver pinstripes. It was on him in a blink, and Jay did his best not to drool. 

Asta wore no tie, and the black button-up shirt of his ensemble was unbuttoned almost all the way down to his vest. The entire suit fit him like it was painted on, and he had accessorized with a silver watch chain and sparkling cufflinks. 

His usually unruly hair was neatly combed back, and he was wearing small sleek black sunglasses. His pocket square was dark purple, and there was a deep violet boutonnière pinned to his collar. 

Jay was definitely drooling. 

“What?” Asta grinned. “Did you think because I like to be naked that I don’t know how to dress?” He offered his arm out. 

“You, you look awesome,” Jay gushed, eagerly looping his arm with Asta’s. “Like, wow. You should be on the cover of GQ or something. You look great.” 

“So do you.” 

Asta was gazing so adoringly at Jay that Jay’s face got hot. No one had ever looked at him like that, and he had no idea what he’d done to deserve it. 

Asta seemed to be about to say something again, but he only smiled as he pulled Jay close to get ready to summon the portal. 

With a pop, the portal brought them into a lavish dining room with elaborate chandeliers hanging overhead and fancy sconces lining the walls. The glow of the purple stone was muted here, outshined by the supernaturally bright flames of the candles. 

Jay squinted, as no other area of the castle so far had been so well lit, and he understood now why Asta had put on sunglasses. 

King Grell was sitting at the head of the table in an emerald brocade suit with a green feather boa, and he was visibly surprised. “Hello, spawn. Jay. Don’t you two look just dashing.” 

“Hey guys!” Ted was sitting to Grell’s right, and he stood up to give Jay a big hug. He was wearing a simple black suit, but he looked very handsome.

Jay was glad he’d let Asta dress him.

“Hey!” Jay was also glad Ted didn’t give him one of his usual crushing hugs. “How are you?”

“Good, good!” Ted grinned. “You look awesome, man!”

“Thanks. You too!”

Grell cleared his throat.

“Yes, you’re hot and amazing and green is so your color.” Ted groaned. “Happy?”

“Rapturously so.” Grell batted his eyes. 

“Come on. Grab a seat.” Ted ushered Jay over to the table, though he paused to greet Asta. “Asta.”

“Cat Kicker,” Asta said coolly as he strolled over to sit on the other side of Grell, glaring at Ted across the table.

“Missed you today. It’s been so fuckin’ quiet.” Ted grinned. “You also look nice—”

“Drop dead.” 

“Ah, good. It’s still you.” Ted smirked as he took his seat.

Jay had started to sit beside Ted because he wasn’t sure where else to go, but he found himself next to Asta when he sat down.

Asta was pretending like he hadn’t just magically transported Jay over, asking casually, “What’s on the menu, huh? The usual giant artery-clogging slabs of meat?”

“See?” Ted nudged Grell. “Told you.”

“Told him what?” Asta scowled. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Oh, nothing, my darling spawn,” Grell crooned. “We had merely been discussing your infatuation with Mr. Tintenfisch.”

Jay froze, and he knew at once he was blushing and there was nothing he could do about it. His heart pounded, his skin crawled, and he hated how everyone was suddenly staring right at him. 

He did not want to discuss being the object of a cat prince’s crush with his big cat king father right there. 

“It’s very cute.” Ted eyed Jay for a moment, and he quickly added, “But we are not going to talk about that.” 

“We’re not?” Grell pouted. “Because I had some amazing jokes lined up—”

“You can tell me later.” Ted smiled warmly, addressing Jay now as he said, “So, uh, been enjoying Xenon so far? Now that you’ve had some time to chill?”

Grell raised a brow in question, but he didn’t say anything. He seemed thoughtful, and then he grinned as if he’d figured something out.  

“Yes. Thank you.” Jay glanced warily at King Grell, worried he might share whatever his revelation was, hesitantly adding, “Your Highness. Your Highnesses? I think. Uh. Are you a Your Highness yet?”

“No.” Ted chuckled. “And even when I am, you don’t have to call me that. You’ve cleaned up my fuckin’ puke.” 

“My future husband.” Grell raised a wine glass. “A classy specimen of manhood if there ever was one.”

“I was sick, you damn lush.” Ted laughed. “Had some kinda gnarly stomach bug. Jay made me soup, was bein’ my nurse and shit, and I took like two bites and right back up it came.”

“This is what we’re talking about before dinner?” Asta grumbled. “Really?”

“Right. Sorry. I still forget normal people get grossed out by stuff.”

“This is not nearly as disgusting as the time he decided to regale me with the worst case of explosive diarrhea he’d ever seen on a house call,” Grell drawled, “right as we’re about to have chocolate fondue.” 

Jay, having heard that same story before, cringed. 

“Now I’m gonna puke.” Asta groaned. 

Ted and Grell laughed, and Jay cracked a small smile. Some of the earlier tension had lifted since the focus wasn’t on him now, and he was able to enjoy the easy flow of conversation. 

Ted kept things going and on mostly not gross topics, and he surprised Jay with burgers from their favorite fast-food restaurant for dinner. 

“I haven’t had one of these in weeks!” Jay exclaimed, delighted as he dug right in for a big bite. 

“Why?” Ted asked. “The damn place is two blocks away from our apartment. That’s why we fuckin’ ate there all the time! Okay, and yes, the burgers are dope as fuck, but it was also totally within stumbling distance.” 

“Well.” Jay paused to dab some grease off his chin with his napkin. “After you went missing, it didn’t feel right to eat there without you.” 

“You can totally eat there as much as you want to now, guilt free.” 

“This is a heart attack waiting to happen,” Grell said, delicately picking at the burger with a fork. “No wonder humans have such limited lifespans.” 

“I dunno,” Asta mumbled through a mouthful. “Tastes pretty good to me.” 

“You’re lucky you’re my offspring because I have the most delightful retort to that.” 

“Uh-huh. So fuckin’ lucky.” 

“Hey, you’ve got some…” Jay noticed Asta had some ketchup on his cheek. 


Jay pointed. 

“Where?” Asta wiped at his face and totally missed it. 

Jay grinned. “Try again.” 

Asta did and only succeeded in smearing it more. 

“Come here.” Jay picked up his napkin to swipe at the sauce, laughing. “You’re a mess.” 

“Uh, yeah. A hot one.” Asta laughed. “Come on. Help me out here.” 

“I’m trying!”

“I’m very needy, you know. I need lots of help. All the time.” 

“Oh, I’m aware.” Jay definitely wiped at some imaginary ketchup too just to give himself the excuse to keep touching Asta. 

Asta smiled. “Thanks, babycakes.”

“No problem.” Jay withdrew with a shy smile of his own, and he realized Grell and Ted were both grinning at them. 

They said nothing, but it still made Jay squirm in his seat. 

“You guys got anything fun planned tonight?” Ted asked innocently. “Some more raiding?” 

“Uh, maybe,” Jay replied. “We didn’t finish all of the Rattkin Ruins yet, so maybe, uh, we may go there.” 

“Shit, I remember that place.” Ted grimaced. “You and your party people were stuck there for, like, a whole fuckin’ week.” 

Ted had tried to play Crusaders once. He died valiantly in the beginner’s area and opted not to respawn after being killed by a low level mob for the tenth time. Even though it was clear he was not a fan, he’d always shown a friendly interest and kept up with Jay’s guild and their progress when new raids came out.

“Yeah, a whole week just in the first room.” Jay snorted. “Asta is crazy powerful and he already got us into the second room within twenty minutes. He could probably solo the whole instance.” 

“Can and have!” Asta declared. 

“Well, you boys let us know if you need any Mountain Dew or Hot Pockets delivered.” Grell chuckled softly. “I expect it’s going to be a long night.” 

“You need anything?” Ted asked Jay. “Doin’ okay and gettin’ settled in all right?”

“Yeah!” Jay smiled. “I’m, uh, you know, feeling a lot better. About, uh, everything. It was a lot.” He toyed with the corner of his napkin. “You know, the whole magical world, you drowning, the talking ball thing, the ghost kid…”

“Don’t worry about the talking ball,” Ted soothed. “That’s Kunst, and I already told him to steer clear unless it was super important royal business, okay?”

“I told him that you were horrified by his ghastly disembodied appearance,” Grell chimed in. “In other news, spirit balls can apparently cry.”

“Wait, are you being serious?” Jay blinked.

“No, he’s not,” Ted said quickly. “But don’t worry. Kunst is gonna make himself scarce. Graham is upstairs watching a Master Chef Junior marathon, so he’s cool. He does like you, though. No pressure, but he does want to say hi without you freaking out.”

“Do… Do I know him?” Jay kept pulling at his napkin. “Wait, was he there with us at the apartment?”

“Yup. Our souls are basically superglued together. Where I go, he does.” Ted shrugged. “Even across dimensions apparently.”

“He can’t go… in a ball?” Jay frowned. “Like the other guy?”

“He doesn’t want to. No hamster ball for that little dude. Which is great because, uh, it wouldn’t work anyway since he’s bonded to me. That whole two living souls thing is tricky.”

“Oh. Sure. Right. Of course.” Jay dropped his hands into his lap to pick at the napkin, trying to stay calm. His anxiety was under control for now, and it didn’t feel quite as insane as before to discuss these things. “But… what if it could?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well.” Jay twisted the napkin around his fingers. “Gronoch was going to use me as a vessel for a god because I’m Silenced. No magic, so, with enough of those binding symbols, it’s possible. Like with Alexander and Rota, those guys that were trying to kidnap me?”

“Okay. With you so far.”

“Rota was able to share his soul with Sloane because Sloane was touched by Great Azaethoth.”

“Yeah, ‘cause then they totally made out.” Asta cackled. 

“Sloane is blessed, like someone with starsight would be. Like you.” Jay gestured to Ted. “If Graham did want to ever be bound to something else, even temporarily, maybe it needs to be blessed. Like, some sort of artifact blessed by Great Azaethoth himself, or, well, uh, someone else with starsight could be a vessel for him.”

“Clever boy,” Grell praised. “That is an excellent idea.”

“Wait, could that really work?” Ted grinned excitedly. “Hey.” He poked Grell. “You got anything just layin’ around that’s been blessed by Big A he could try to use?”

“We could check the crypts.” Grell scratched his beard thoughtfully. “I seem to recall a ragdoll of some kind that was blessed during a solstice ritual a few thousand years ago. How would Graham feel about running around as a stuffed kitty cat?”

Ted’s arm suddenly jerked down, pulled by an unseen force. “Ah, someone’s marathon is over, and yes, he says yes.” He beamed over at Jay. “Graham also says thank you.”

“No problem.” Jay grinned.

Asta slid his hand over to squeeze Jay’s, and he smiled. “Look at you, bein’ all helpful and stuff.” 

“Yeah.” Jay’s heart soared. “I guess I was.” 

The rest of dinner was equally pleasant, though the chatter occasionally paused when Graham wanted to talk and Grell had to summon a new dry erase board for him to write with. Jay could see that Ted was really happy, and he and Grell were absolutely smitten with one another. Jay swore he saw the actual fireworks going off whenever their eyes met.

He could definitely hear Asta’s colorful gagging sounds when Grell took Ted’s hand to lay a kiss upon it. 

The meal wound down, and Jay was pretty sure two burgers was his limit. He nibbled on a few fries and watched in a mix of horror and amazement as Ted finished off a sixth burger before finally declaring defeat. Asta tapped out at five, and Grell seemed content to keep drinking his wine.

“Hey, so, wow. This family bonding has been just delightful, but, uh…” Asta flashed a sly smile.

“Have fun, son,” Grell drawled, as if he already knew what was about to happen.

“Huh?” Jay glanced around the table as if he could discern the mystery by looking at their faces.

Grell was smug, Ted seemed concerned, and Asta’s smile was questionable.

“What’s going—” Jay gasped as Asta took his hand and the dining room vanished away with the pop of a portal. “—on?”

They were at the edge of the lightning tree forest Jay had seen before, standing in a small grove framed by tall black rocks. There was a large red and white checkered blanket spread out in the middle of the clearing with an actual wicker picnic basket and a blue vase filled with white flowers.

“That… that’s…” Jay stared in shock. “That’s the Summertime Picnic Basket vanity item from Crusaders? You, you made it in real freakin’ life?”

“Totally did, babycakes.” Asta had removed his sunglasses, but he still had a hold of Jay’s hand. “What do you think? Pretty perfect, right?”

“It’s amazing.” Jay laughed. “It’s really, really freakin’ amazing.”

“But is it perfect, though?” Asta pressed.

“I mean…” Jay didn’t know why Asta was smiling so smugly right now, and he looked back at the picnic. “I guess, uh, it’s like ninety-nine percent perfect.” He fidgeted. “It’s a super tiny thing, but the flowers are wrong.”

“Wrong, huh?”

“Yeah!” Jay walked over to the blanket to show Asta. “Look! The flowers in the game are supposed to be all rainbow colored. These are just white.”

“How very weird!” Asta gasped dramatically, urging Jay to sit down next to him on the blanket. “Maybe you should investigate.” 

“It’s not a big deal.” Jay frowned. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but you kept asking me—”

“Touch the damn flowers, Jay.” 

“O-Okay.” Jay settled beside Asta, squeezing his hand as he poked the petals.

The moment he touched the flower, a cloud of glittering light erupted from the vase. The flowers shot up into the night sky above them and exploded in a barrage of prismatic fireworks. They hovered in the air, the colors shifting and glowing. Just as one faded, another went off and kept the magical display ongoing.

“Holy crap!” Jay laughed in delight, staring in awe at the beautiful lights. He leaned into Asta’s side, and he smiled as Asta’s arm wrapped around his waist. “This is amazing!”

“Oh, I know,” Asta teased.

A glance at the flower revealed they’d returned to the vase and were now rainbow-colored like the vanity item in-game, and Jay plucked a blue one to examine it. It looked and felt just like a real flower, though it weirdly smelled like…


“Look,” Asta said when he saw Jay’s nose wrinkle, “I thought sushi scented flowers was a good idea bein’ your favorite food and all.”

“It’s okay.” Jay chuckled. “It’s still very sweet.” He glanced back up to the sky as the fireworks continued to pop. “You did this for me?”


Jay snorted. “You did. You did it for me.” He turned to look at Asta, and his heart skipped over itself when he realized how close they were. 

Asta’s eyes were reflecting the blues and purples as they flashed overhead, making them look like distant galaxies and Jay was instantly captivated. Asta’s hand on his waist was warm, firm, and Jay became hyper-aware of all the places their bodies were touching as Asta drew him in a little closer.

“Maybe,” Asta whispered coyly. 

“Were you, uh, maybe planning something?” Jay asked, not sure when he’d gotten so out of breath. “Because I seem to remember you talking about waiting for the perfect moment for a certain something, a something that okay, yes, I’ve been thinking about a lot, and I think maybe this could be it, but I don’t know, and now I just can’t stop talking—”

Asta pressed a sweet kiss to Jay’s lips. 

<– PREV | NEXT –>

Untouched Mussels: Chapter 02

Chapter 2.

With Asta purring away in his arms, Jay slept soundly. It was different from the magical sleep he’d been trapped in because he actually dreamed. It was a lazy blur of colorful images and glowing eels, and Jay woke up feeling refreshed. 

The bed was very comfortable and warm, and Asta…


Asta was not a cat. 

Jay was now snuggled against the bare back of Asta in his human form, and his arm was wrapped around Asta’s waist. His hand was thankfully in a mostly neutral location, resting on Asta’s chest. 

Asta seemed to be sleeping still, and Jay was afraid to move. He didn’t want to wake up Asta and ruin what was a pretty magical moment for him. 

He’d never woken up with anyone before, and holding Asta felt wonderful. 

It was quiet, peaceful, and he found if he shifted his hand ever so slightly, he could feel Asta’s heartbeat thumping beneath his palm. 

That moment was also when he became aware of another heavy thumping, namely his own pulse down in his hard cock currently pressed into Asta’s very naked ass.

Oh, fuck.

The rhythm sped up to a frantic thump as Jay tried to decide what to do. The early morning hour had cast him in the role of an apparent pervert, though he couldn’t have known that Asta was going to be a naked humanoid person when they woke up together. All Jay had wanted to do was cuddle, and he had to think fast before Asta woke up.

He decided that the best course of action was to casually turn over so his hard dick wouldn’t be poking Asta’s butt. 

There, that’s what he would do. 

Problem solved.

Jay slid his arm out from around Asta, and then he carefully turned over to face the opposite wall. He missed the physical contact, but it was better this way. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes, any immediate danger now resolved. 

Except Asta rolled over. 

And now Asta’s hard dicks were pressing into Jay’s butt. 

Problem not solved. 


Asta buried his face into Jay’s hair, and he hugged him close, his long fingers lightly kneading Jay’s stomach. 

The bulge of Asta’s cocks was undeniable, though it wasn’t the result of any lecherous intent considering he wasn’t even awake right now. Feeling them there only made Jay’s dick harder, and he had to fight the ridiculous urge to grind back on them.

He sort of regretted snuggling now.

Jay rolled back again so now he was facing Asta. 


Now the problem was solved. 

As long as he didn’t scoot too close, nothing would touch that didn’t need to be touching. Asta’s arm was still around him, and Jay allowed himself to duck his head against Asta’s chest. He smiled when Asta hugged him tighter, and he could have easily drifted back off.

Except Asta was waking up.

And Jay still had a very obvious problem he hadn’t thought to adjust.

As did Asta, but Jay was going to pretend those giant things just didn’t exist right now. 

Asta stirred, mumbling quietly, “Hey. Morning.”

“Good morning.” Jay smiled as Asta rubbed his side.

“Sleep good?”

“I did, thanks.” Jay lifted his head so he could peek up at Asta.

Asta’s eyes were half-closed, and he was smiling drowsily. “Wanna go back to sleep and snuggle for like twenty more hours?”

“No.” Jay giggled. By all the gods, he was giggling. “You’re not really a cat. We can’t sleep all day. We have to get up.”

“Excuse you, sir.” Asta snorted. “I am a prince, and I am in the habit of doing what I want.”

“Yeah? And what do you want?” Jay’s breath caught when he realized he’d left the door wide open for Asta to make a dirty comment. 

More sex jokes. Sexual innuendo. Definitely something about sex. 

Asta only smiled, and he said, “This. Just me and you.” 

“Really?” Jay tried not to sound so surprised.

“What?” Asta grinned, flashing his pointy teeth. “Did you have something else in mind? Was there… something else you wanted?”

Don’t look at his dicks, don’t look at his dicks, don’t look


Jay hadn’t meant to, but his traitorous eyeballs glanced down between them. While his gaze never went lower than Asta’s nipples, the glance was enough to draw Asta’s laughter.

“I mean, if you really want to,” Asta teased. “I figured I’d take you to dinner first—”

“No!” Jay flailed and rolled back over. 

“No dinner?” 

“No! J-Just no!” Jay pulled one of the pillows on top of his head.

“Are you okay? Hey, come on! I’ll put pants on!” Asta laughed. 

Jay sat up suddenly, and he glared at Asta. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” 


“You never accidentally turned back into a human when we used to snuggle!” 

“Ah. Hmm.” Asta scratched his chin. “That is true.” 

“So?” Jay prompted. 


“That wasn’t an accident, was it?” 

“What wasn’t?” 

Jay made strangling motions with his hands. “Asta!”

“I love how you say my name.” Asta batted his eyes. 

Jay groaned and then flopped back down into bed with his pillow. “You’re impossible.” 

“Impossibly attractive? Impossibly charming?” 

Jay put his back to Asta and hugged the pillow, ignoring him. 

“Aw, no. Don’t do that.” Asta snuggled up to Jay, sliding his arm around him. “Look, the monsters aren’t here now. I put them away, okay?”

Jay glanced back, and he saw Asta was now wearing some kind of pajama onesie with little paw prints all over it. Jay didn’t feel anything poking him now at least, and he smiled when Asta took his hand. “Well, you still didn’t answer the question.”

“I’m an Asra. Answering questions is not really our thing.” Asta winked. “But because I like you so much, maybe… yes.” 

“Yes, what?” 

“Yes, I maybe changed into a human for human type snuggles. There, happy?” 


“Why what?” 

Jay tried to pull away with a huff. 

“Okay, okay!” Asta laughed and he squeezed Jay’s waist tight, dragging him back into his arms. “Because I just wanted to snuggle with you, okay? No funny stuff, I swear. “

Jay wasn’t sure if he completely believed Asta, though his sweet smile was making Jay’s heart flutter. “Well, thank you. That was… It was nice.” 

“You’re welcome.” Asta started to open his mouth to say something else, but he stopped. Instead, he kept on smiling. 

Gods, Asta was so handsome. 

His sharp cheekbones, his bright eyes, his soft lips…

Not that Jay actually knew if they were soft or anything, but they definitely looked like they would be. 

Precious moments of silence stretched on for an eternity, and Jay didn’t want to spoil them yet. Asta’s arm felt so strong, his hand was really warm, and Jay stayed as he was even though he had a damn cramp in his neck. He liked how Asta was looking at him right now, as if he was something wonderful to behold, and yet, the quiet was growing tense.

Were they going to kiss?

Was Asta going to kiss him?

He swore Asta was looking at his lips, and he wished he had the courage to act on the wild urge he had to tip forward and…

“What, what were you gonna say?” Jay stammered.


“Were you gonna say something?” 

“No.” Asta’s eyes flashed with mischief, and he grinned. “But now that you mention it, I was thinking about suggesting that next time we could both be naked.”

“Ah. Yes. There it is.” Jay chuckled and he sat up, brushing Asta’s arm off.


“The inevitable moment when you remind me why there isn’t gonna be a next time for cuddling.” Jay slid out of bed, reaching for his glasses.

“Oh, ow, right in my honey nut feelios.” Asta grabbed his chest. 

Jay smirked as he slid his glasses on. “Maybe apologize for getting naked and sneaking cuddles, and I will think about changing my mind.”

“You do realize that I was technically naked when you cuddled me as a cat?”

“But you were a cat.”

“A naked one.” Asta wagged his brows.

Jay groaned dramatically. “I haven’t even had breakfast yet!”

“Fine.” Asta hopped up to his feet. “I promise to only have naked chats after meals.”

“Or, you know, never.” 

“Hey.” Asta approached Jay, and he reached for his hips, drawing him into a gentle hug.

“Wh-what?” Jay held his hands up awkwardly before letting them settle on Asta’s shoulders. He hugged back, and he got that warm, fluttery feeling again in his chest. 

“I am really glad you’re here.” Asta sounded like he was smiling. “And I’m really, really glad you’re okay.” 

“M-Me too.” Jay laughed anxiously. “I mean, being turned into a vessel for a god sounds kinda, heh, weird.”

“You’d still be super hot, but I like you better like this.”

“Heh. Right.” Jay coughed. “Having god powers would have been kinda cool though. Being Silenced kinda sucks, you know.”

Asta pulled back to smile down at Jay. “Hey, you’re pretty damn magical to me.”

Jay’s face ignited promptly at the compliment, and he was thankful that moment was when Asta chose to portal them away to breakfast because he had no clue how to respond. 

This, whatever this was, was getting complicated much faster than Jay could have anticipated.

In twenty-four hours, he had developed quite a crush on his cat.

Asta brought Jay to an elaborate dining room where Ted was sitting by himself at a large table. There was an impressive spread of food covering the table, though Jay only recognized about half of it. Along with the typical scrambled eggs and bacon and sausage, there were big puffs that looked like blue cotton candy, some kind of rib roast that was a striking shade of purple, and a bowl of green slime that appeared to be moving. 

There was also a small dry erase board and a few markers. 

“Jay!” Ted grinned as he stood up to greet him. “Hey! Good morning!”

“Morning!” Jay hastily scooted away from Asta, well aware of how intimately they’d been holding one another. “H-How are you?”

“Good, good! Sleep all right?”

“Fine. So fine.” Jay gave Ted a big hug.

Ted hugged back, and he eyed Asta suspiciously. “Huh. You’re wearing clothes. Again.” 

“Don’t get used to it, Cat Kicker.” Asta rolled his eyes.

Jay went to sit down next to Ted’s spot, and he was surprised when Asta was suddenly right there to pull out the chair for him. “Oh, thank you.”

“Sure.” Asta leaned in close, his mouth hovering by Jay’s ear as he said, “Remember, just call me if you need me.” He winked. “I’ll come rescue you.”

“Th-thanks.” Jay smiled back. “Not sure what exactly I’d need rescuing from…?”

“You never know.” Asta stood up and gave Ted a firm salute. “See you later, Cat Kicker.” 

“Later, Asta.” Ted waved.

Asta glanced back at Jay with a little smile, and then he vanished through a portal.

The pop of it closing made Jay jump, and he quickly reached for a piece of bacon to cram into his mouth. 

“So! How was your first night in Xenon?” Ted asked. 

Jay waited until he was done eating to reply, “Mm, pretty good. Slept great. Still trying to take it all in, you know?”

“I get it.” Ted smiled warmly. “It’s a lot. You haven’t even seen the weird shit yet.”

“I haven’t?” Jay cringed.

“The other everlasting guys. The Eldress, the Vulgora? All those fucks are here too. This became their home after the gods went into the dreaming thing.”

“Wow.” Jay went for another piece of bacon. “Seriously? So, they’re really here? All of them?”

“Totally.” Ted handed Jay a plate. “Here, go for it. Everything’s fucking delicious, even the screwy looking stuff. Just watch out for the slime. It’ll move around in your stomach even after you swallow it. It’s fucking weird.”

“Is it… alive?” Jay decided against sampling it, and he stuck to the foods he knew were safe.

“Nah. Pretty sure it’s not.” Ted hesitated. “Mostly sure.”

“Right.” Jay picked up his fork to try some eggs. “And the Absola? The Faedra? They’re all here too?”

“Yup.” Ted nodded. “Just wait until you go out into the city. It’s a fuckin’ trip, man. They’re cool though, so don’t worry. Oh, but keep your eyes peeled when the little Deverach dudes are around. They have this whole community property thing where everything belongs to everybody, so they just take shit.”

“They steal it?”

“Well, it’s not stealing to them. Just, you know, maybe check your pockets.” 

“Oh. Okay. Got it.” Jay glanced up at Ted. “Uh, where’s your future husband at?”

“I told him to make himself scarce for a bit.” Ted smiled gently. “I know he can be a lot, and I thought it would be kinda cool just for us to hang out, you know? Catch up on everything.”

“Yeah? Thanks.” Jay smiled back. “I, I appreciate that. It’s been, whew, pretty intense.”

“Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. This place is fuckin’ bonkers. I got charged with murder when I first came here.”


“Long story.”

“Good thing we got some time, right?” Jay laughed. 

“All week, yeah? Let me know if you need anything. Clothes, toothbrush, whatever. My magic sucks ass, but Grell is a damn wizard.”

“So’s Asta.” Jay gestured to his outfit. “These are from him. It’s crazy how powerful he is. He’s incredible.” 

“Yeah, he is.” Ted smirked. “So…”

“What?” Jay frowned. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You and Asta? You think that he’s, and I quote, incredible?”

“What? Huh? No!” Jay dropped his fork. “He’s just, uh, an incredible, uh, magical cat. Person. Thing. Friend! A friend. A very friendly friend.” 

“He acts fuckin’ different when you’re around.” 

“Different?” Jay scrambled to pick up his lost utensil. “What do you mean?”

“He’s actually kinda nice.” Ted paused to take a bite of a biscuit. “Mm, which is real fuckin’ weird. Oh, and he’s wearing clothes. Voluntarily. Also fuckin’ weird.” 

“Well, you know, he’s just, uh, being polite.” Jay fidgeted. “I just sorta asked him to, and he did, and he was just, uh, doing what he could to make me comfortable.”

Ted studied Jay’s face carefully. 

Jay wished he could disappear. “What?”

“You like him!” Ted accused. 

“What? No!” Jay argued. “He’s just my cat! I mean, he was my cat! That’s all!”

“A cat you totally wanna fuck.” Ted cackled triumphantly. He paused. “Wait, do you know about the two dicks—”

“Yes! Oh, by the gods! Yes, I know!” Jay groaned and put his head down on the table. “Kinda hard to miss!”

The chair on the other side of Jay suddenly pushed back on its own. 

“The fuck?” Jay leapt to his feet, staring at an empty chair. 

“Oh, that’s just Graham,” Ted said. 

“Who the hell is Graham?” 

“Right. So.” Ted put his fork down. “Uh, we’ve been friends for a while.” He frowned. “I guess maybe I haven’t been totally honest with you…”

“Huh?” Jay sat back down, and his stomach churned. “Fuck. Now what?”

Ted cringed. “So, I know that you’re already really overloaded with a ton of fuckin’ shit right now, but I maybe have one more teeny tiny thing to add to it.” 

Jay gestured helplessly. “What is it?”

“I have starsight. I can see and talk to dead people. Also, uh, at some point I died, was resurrected, and little Graham here, is a young boy I tried to save from drowning. We died together and somehow his soul got bound to mine, so I got myself a little hitchhiker when I was brought back to life.” 

Jay struggled for something to say as he watched the dry erase marker remove its own cap and then start to move across the whiteboard. 

Hello! 🙂 

“Uh… hi.” Jay gulped. 

Well, now he knew why those items were sitting there. 

“He’s gotten really strong.” Ted beamed. “Bein’ close to the bridge or something, I dunno, but he can do all kinds of cool stuff. We were hopin’ to get him a ball like Kunst, but—”

“Like who?” 

“Professor Emil Kunst!” a very proper voice declared. “Royal Occult Advisor and Official Royal Historian at your service, Mr. Tintenfisch.” 

Jay stared helplessly as a blue glowing ball floated over to the table, and he laughed. He couldn’t help it. 

There was a ghost on one side of him and a talking ball on the other, and his roommate could talk to dead people. 

“Are you okay?” Ted looked concerned. 

“I might throw up. I haven’t decided yet,” Jay replied honestly. 

“I suppose it may be a lot to absorb,” Kunst said, his glow dimming a bit, “but rest assured that we’re here to make your visit with us as comfortable and happy as possible! You’re the guest of our beloved prince consort—”

“Future prince consort,” Ted corrected with a sly smile. “And hey, I think Asta’s got him covered.” 


“Now I am gonna definitely throw up.” Jay shook his head. “Look, there’s something I wanna tell you too, but there is nothing going on between me and Asta—”

The very second Asta’s name left Jay’s lips, Asta himself popped through a portal and then snatched Jay right out of his chair. “Yoink!”

“Asta!” Jay cried as Asta pulled him into the portal. He closed his eyes as wind rushed around him, and he grabbed Asta’s arms to hang on. 

When the movement stopped and his feet were on solid ground again, he peeked open one eye. 

He was ready for anything. 

A forest full of talking trees. 

A unicorn that pooped gold. 

A sex dungeon. 


Jay was surprised to find himself in a library. 

The only thing unusual about it was its massive size, seemingly infinite number of books, and the large portrait of a very regal Asra staring down at them. It was warm, cozy, and there were two extremely large chairs right in the middle of the room.

“You okay?” Asta was holding Jay close and rubbing his back soothingly. He was wearing tiny black shorts and a crop top Backstreet Boys T-shirt, but at least it was something. 

“Why, why did you grab me?” Jay demanded.

“I told you to say my name if you needed rescuing.” Asta frowned. “I heard you, so I came.” 

“Where were you? Under the table?”

Asta chuckled. “It’s a spell. I maybe sort of enchanted you. Just a teeny tiny bit. Whenever you say my name, I’ll hear you. Even across worlds.” 

“O-Oh.” Jay blinked. “Maybe we should pick a different word or something?”

“Why?” Asta grinned. “Planning on talking about me more, huh?” 

“Well, especially here with your family or whatever, it might be a little inconvenient.” 

“So, you’re planning to talk about me more.” 

Jay tried not to laugh. “Can we please just change it?”

“Okay.” Asta smirked. “To what?” 

“Uh.” Jay shook his head. “I don’t know! Pumpernickel?”

“The fuck is that?” Asta wrinkled his nose. 

“It’s a type of bread.” Jay smiled. 

“Fine. Done.” 

“That’s it?” 

“I’m just that good, babycakes.” Asta winked. “So. If you weren’t calling me for a rescue, why were you talking about me, huh?”

Jay blushed immediately. “N-No reason, but you know, I’m glad you did come actually.” 

“Yeah? Something happened?”

“Ted sees dead people, and there’s this little ghost, and there’s also this glowing ball thing too!” Jay dug his fingers into his hair. “I really think I am losing my mind. Just when I think we’ve hit peak craziness, there is just… there’s more!”

“Hey, hey, relax your rack—”

“Relax my what?”

“Calm your tits? Soothe the boobs?” Asta grinned. “Calm the calamity that is your mammaries?”

Jay snorted out a laugh. 

“There you go.” Asta beamed, and he tenderly swiped his thumb over Jay’s cheek. “There’s that fuckin’ awesome smile. You’re okay, babycakes. It’s gonna be okay.” 

“Is it?” Jay shook his head. “I… I don’t know.” He pulled away from Asta, and his hands were a bit shaky. “Look, I think, I think I might need to go home.”

“Why?” Asta was alarmed.

Jay’s anxiety rose to a boil, and he hated how easily his eyes stung when he got upset. He took a deep breath before replying, “Because I don’t think I can handle this.”

“Hey! Yes, you can!” Asta reached for Jay’s hand. “Come on, babycakes. Remember when you and your guild were raiding the Dane Tower in Crusaders of the Dark Savant?”

“Wait, huh?” 

Crusaders of the Dark Savant was a popular massively multiplayer online role-playing game that Jay played obsessively. He’d spent hours with Asta—Mr. Twigs at the time—curled up in his lap while he and his guild mates explored dungeons and fought mystical wizards and monsters. 

The Dane Tower had been a particularly difficult part of the game, and it had taken Jay and his guildies weeks to finally beat the final boss.

“The big baddy’s son was whooping you guys because you couldn’t get out of the lava spots fast enough?” Asta pressed. “But then you finally figured out the pattern so everybody knew where to go before they bubble up, right?”

“Y-Yeah, I guess I did.” Jay frowned. 

“You just needed some time, and that big beautiful brain of yours sorted it all out.” Asta squeezed Jay’s hand and kissed it. “This place, everything you’re going through… It’s like you’re back at the start of the Tower, yeah? You gotta take some deep breaths, hit it one floor at a time, and watch out for lava.”

“I know you’re trying to be very sweet right now, but I’m still super confused.”

“Give yourself more time before you call it quits, okay?” Asta urged. “You’re in a new dungeon with brand new rules and classes and creatures, and you need to figure out a strategy. I know you pretty well, and I know you get super fried when there’s too much thrown at you. So, why don’t we just chill out here for a while, huh? Just me and you.” He winked. “I’ll even behave, just for you.”

Jay was touched by Asta’s kindness, not to mention a little startled by his sharp perception. He let his fingers lace with Asta’s, and he nodded. “I… I think I can do that. We’ll just stay here? No more weird crazy stuff?”

“Nope. Pinkie promise.”

Jay’s stomach was still twisting, but the cramping eased when Asta smiled. “It is, uh… a very beautiful library.”

“Yeah.” Asta’s smile grew. “It was my mom’s favorite spot in the whole world.”


“He died a long time ago.” Asta pointed to the portrait. “That’s him. Vael.”

“I’m so sorry. I… Him?” Jay blinked. “Uh…”

“Right.” Asta chuckled. “Yes, my mom was a dude. But he’s still my mom ‘cause he popped me out. For Asra, it still takes two to make a thing go right, but it doesn’t matter who’s making what go outta sight. You follow?”

“Yeah, I think so?” Jay paused. “No, wait, I don’t.” 

“We’re dual-class.” Asta winked. 

“R-right.” Jay blushed at the implication of the gaming reference. “I follow now.”

“If you’re wondering if I would respec for you, I would. I’m trying to say that I’d be happy if you wanted to equip my weapon or if you wanted me to equip yours—”

Jay quickly looked back up at the portrait. “Is that what you look like then? As an Asra?”

“Oh, you just hold on right there. I’m sexy as fuck.” Asra flashed a sly grin before transforming into a giant cat beast.

Jay backpedaled, stunned by the sheer size of Asta’s new form. 

He was huge, he was giant, he was…


Asta was a monstrous panther, sleek and black, and there were thick tentacles sprouting from the end of his tail and a full mane around the top of his head and dangling behind his big pointed ears. Several of the tentacles by his ears had shining bands clamped onto them, and they were different colored and marked with strange symbols. 

Jay could have ridden him like a horse, and he had the most insane urge to ask if he could—no!

“Wow,” he breathed, trying to keep his awe restrained. “You’re… awesome.”

“I know.” Asta beamed, sitting back on his haunches. “Pretty fuckin’ cool, huh?”

“Can I…” Jay hesitated. “Can I pet you?”

“Duh. You can pet any part of me you want, babycakes.”

Jay reached out shyly to touch Asta’s neck, scratching under his chin. He loved how soft Asta was, and the desire to grab him in a giant bear hug and snuggle his face into that velvety fur was strong. 

Asta purred quietly. “Good stuff right there. Mmm.”

Jay touched the tips of the beaded tentacles by Asta’s ear. “What are these?” 

“It’s how Asra communicate with each other. Think of them like Grindr profiles.” Asta chuckled. “They share all kinds of stuff. Our family line, marital status, jobs, pronouns, favorite sexual position…”

Jay snorted.

“Okay, maybe not sex positions, but yeah, all our personal stuff is on here.” 

“What do yours say?”

“Asta desu Crem Dianah Kane Bavar Nico Lucet, he and him pronouns, very single, I’m a prince, and I like candlelit dinners, gory horror movies, and cute guys with glasses.”

Jay blushed at the flirting, but he ignored it. He continued to pet Asta’s neck and around his ears, drawling, “Anything on there about you being a huge pervert?”

“Oh, totally.” Asta turned his head. “That purple one there? That’s the one you get for being a dirty sex fiend.”

Jay laughed.

“The turquoise and gold one is for getting a server first kill on Ra-Sep-Re-Tep.”

“Bullshit,” Jay said immediately. “You did not!”

“How do you know?” Asta batted his lashes. It wasn’t quite as effective as it was when he was human, but it was still pretty cute.

“You don’t play Crusaders!” Jay frowned. “Do… Do you?”

“Strong maybe.” Asta stood up, swishing his tail playfully. “Wanna see somethin’ cool?”

“What is it?”

“Do you trust me?”


“Come on!” Asta laughed, and he trotted over to the wall beneath the portrait. Instead of stopping, he continued to walk forward and vanished into the wall.

“What the…?” Jay stopped in his tracks. “Uh, Asta? I thought we said no more surprises?”

Asta poked his head out from the wall, and he grinned. “Come on, babycakes. It’s just a little surprise. I promise, nothing weird. I really think you’re gonna like this.”

Jay touched the wall, and he blinked as his hand went right through it like it was made of air. He grabbed Asta’s shoulder so he had something solid to hold onto, and he let Asta slowly guide him into the wall. 

On the other side was a room with a large desk, a beanbag chair, and an incredible computer array. There were three massive screens, a big glowing CPU, and every inch of wall space was covered in gaming posters. 

Jay couldn’t believe it—they were all for Crusaders of the Dark Savant, his favorite game.

“You really play Crusaders?” Jay asked.

“Yup.” Asta turned into a thankfully clothed human as he approached the desk, and he sat in a plush gaming chair. He pushed himself off the edge of the desk to go for a spin. “You know, like, on and off for a few years.”

“That poster is for Bane of the Cosmic Forge,” Jay said excitedly. “That was the first game in the series! Like, before Crusaders even existed, before there was ever an MMO! That was, like…” He stopped to think. “That was almost twenty years ago!”

“Yeah, so, maybe I have been playing a teeny tiny bit longer than you.” Asta spun around again.

Jay walked up to stand beside Asta at the desk. “Can… Can I see your character stats?”

“We haven’t even had dinner yet.”

“You’ve already seen mine!” Jay argued. “Fair is fair.”

“Mmm.” Asta stopped himself, dropping both hands on his keyboard. “I suppose I can show you what I got.” 

Jay gasped as a matching gaming chair appeared behind him. He eagerly sat back, his eyes fixed on the screens as the computer whirred to life. 

The middle screen was the largest, and there the login screen for the game appeared. Jay hummed along with the music, and he grinned when he realized Asta was too. 

After Asta logged in, all the in-game character profiles came up. He had over a dozen characters, many at the maximum level of one hundred, and he clicked the very top one. 

It was named “Bob”. 

“That’s your main?” Jay laughed as he read. “A fairy monk named Bob?” 

“Bob is wicked awesome, shush.” Asta clicked a few more times and then leaned back with a smirk. “Enjoy.”

Asta’s character was a lithe blue fairy dressed in thick black robes and toting a gold staff covered in runes. He knew immediately they were legendary items, the best in the game, and the character’s stats like strength and stamina were all maxed out. 

“Holy crap.” Jay gawked, his eyes darting over the screen in shock. “I’ve never seen anyone with perfect stats before. That staff! That’s Balcanzor’s Ruin!” 


“And the robes, they’re Vi Domina’s Vestments!” 


“I had no idea you played.” Jay grinned. “No wonder you always sat with me when I was raiding.” 

“Yeah, well, sometimes it was fun to see how amateurs play.” Asta winked. 

“Hey, screw you! I’m really good!” Jay argued. 

“You could be better.” Asta clicked into an inventory screen. “Say, like, with a T’rang’s War Chest?”

Jay stared. 

A T’rang War Chest was another legendary item made specifically for fighter classes like the character Jay played. It gave incredible bonuses to strength and the chance to land a critical blow. 

It was rare. 

Very rare. 

“Don’t joke around with stuff like that,” Jay said sullenly. “I’ve never even seen one drop.” 

“Well, I’ve seen a bunch,” Asta declared. “No big deal when you’re rolling in the leet guilds. That’s how I got one. All our fighters already had it, so I took it as a joke. Not like I can use it being a monk, but maybe… you’d like it?” 

“Me?” Jay squeaked. “Are you serious? Because I will switch servers right now.” 

“Well, come on over.” Asta winked as a second computer setup appeared in front of Jay as the desk expanded to make room for him. “The water here on the Guardia server is mighty fine.” 

Jay quickly started typing to bring up the login screen on his new computer, glancing at Asta. “You, uh, wanna maybe do some quests too? I’ve got some stuff I could use help with. Say, like, the help of a really powerful monk?”

“You’re lucky I’m feeling charitable today.” Asta leaned over to elbow Jay. “Let’s go kick some virtual ass.” 

Once Jay was logged into the game, he joined Asta’s server so they could form a group together. Jay’s main character was a lizard-man fighter, a big hulking reptile warrior. It was sort of funny how he towered over Asta’s little fairy character, and he made sure to pat Asta’s head often. 

In the game anyway. 

There were several emotive actions available including a friendly pat, several dances, curious shrugs, waves, and more. As Jay dove into the game with Asta at his side, he was delighted to watch Asta’s character utterly destroy enemy monsters while dancing. 

Asta was good. He was really good. 

They headed into the dungeon that Jay had been having trouble with, and Jay pretty much stood back and let Asta demolish everything in his path. Asta had already given Jay the T’rang War Chest plus a few thousand gold, and he insisted on taking the lead so Jay’s character wouldn’t get hurt. 

They played for hours, and Jay couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun. He’d never played like this with someone right next to him, and it was a blast to share something he loved with…

Well, with the very handsome cat monster he was crushing on more than a little bit. 

Asta was very patient as he waited for Jay to loot the defeated enemies and explore new sections of the dungeon, and he offered Jay a lot of good advice for his character. Jay usually hated when people told him how to play, but Asta really knew the game well and his advice for changing up attack rotations was actually quite helpful. 

Jay was enjoying himself immensely, and he and Asta chatted about different raids they’d both liked, the ones they hated, and what they were looking forward to in the game’s next update. Jay was so much more relaxed now, and he was having an absolute blast hanging out with Asta. 

Once they defeated the final boss, Asta’s character came over to blow kisses to Jay’s as Asta said, “That’ll be one kiss please.” 

“What?” Jay laughed. “One kiss for what?”

Asta spammed the kiss emotive as he purred, “Why, for helping you out, babycakes. That’s my price.” 

“You didn’t tell me that!” Jay scowled.

“Yes. I tricked you. All part of my master plan!” Asta cackled maniacally. 

“You’re so gross.” Jay groaned in protest even as the mere suggestion created swarms of butterflies in his stomach. He glanced over at Asta, admiring how the glow of the screen lit up his pretty cheekbones and the mischievous curl of his lips. 

Maybe just one…

“I’m joking! You know, mostly.” Asta chuckled. “This was really cool. I actually had a good time—”

“One kiss,” Jay blurted out. 

“Huh?” Asta blinked. 

“One kiss,” Jay repeated. “I would have been in there for another week trying to beat that boss, and you basically one-shotted him. You may have one kiss as a thank you for helping me clear the dungeon and giving me that legendary item.” 

“Just one, huh?” Asta was suddenly right in Jay’s space, his hands on the armrest of Jay’s chair and turning it so they were facing each other. 

Jay gulped, his heart thumping so hard that he just knew Asta could hear it. “Y-Yeah, one.”

“Well.” Asta leaned in close, his bright eyes flicking over Jay’s lips. “I better make it count.” 

“You, you probably should.” Jay squirmed, and he didn’t know what else to do but wait for Asta to kiss him. He was nervous, but he hadn’t wanted anything so much in a very long time. Asta had been wonderful today, and Jay’s crush was blossoming into something much more dangerous. 

As Asta crept closer, Jay suspected that Asta probably wouldn’t want to stop at just one kiss. 

That was okay. 

Jay was pretty sure he wasn’t going to want to stop at one either. 

<– PREV | NEXT –>

Untouched Mussels: Chapter 01

Chapter 1.

Jay Tintenfisch had no idea what to expect when he stepped through the portal with Asta.

The rush of soaring winds was intense, and he was a mess of flailing limbs, panting frantically and trying not to scream. He was falling without any end in sight, and his stomach flipped over itself at least five times. He wasn’t sure if he was going to puke or die or both.

Asta was right there at his side, wrapping his long arms around Jay as he whispered sweetly in his ear, “I got you, Jay. Just hang on.” 

Jay shivered at the tease of Asta’s warm breath, and he scrambled to hold on as tightly as he could. This had been the most insane evening of his entire life, and it was far from over. 

Finding out the old gods were real and that one wanted to use Jay for a diabolical experiment was more than enough to make anyone feel a bit crazy. Watching Azaethoth the Lesser eat spaghetti right in front of him was a trip all on its own. Then there was the added insanity of his missing roommate, Ted Sturm, being engaged to the King of the Asra, the ruler of the magical world of Xenon.

Jay had certainly missed a lot while he’d been trapped in a magical sleep, but the one stunning revelation he was having the most trouble dealing with was how hot his damn cat was. 

Okay, Asta wasn’t technically a cat. 

He was an Asra, which was more of a cat monster to be precise, and he was a prince. He was also the one responsible for Jay’s magical sleep. 

But he was hot. 

Like, really hot. 

Bright eyes, legs for days, thick black hair, and a sly smile with those sharp pointed teeth that made Jay’s loins clench in the most bizarre and primal way, and…

Fuck, this was weird. 

It had to be a little weird, right? 

Jay thought he’d just taken in a funny little stray cat that needed a good home, and he’d actually had literal royalty playing with catnip, begging for treats, always demanding snuggles, sleeping in his bed…

Oh no. 

That royalty had been in the same room with Jay when he was feeling particularly lonely—oh, for the love of all the gods. 

Jay had masturbated with a cat sleeping at the foot of his bed who was definitely not a cat, and the current level of weird had hit an epic tier of embarrassment from which there could be no recovery. 

He hoped this portal plummeted him headfirst into a very hard rock. 

Jay found himself instead in a very lush bedroom with glowing walls made of purple stone, a giant canopy bed covered in plushies, and a large media pit like a house from the seventies would have packed full of more plushies and cozy blankets. The glow from the walls was dim, and it took Jay a few seconds for his eyes to adjust so he could take it all in.

There were posters plastered in colorful collages on the walls around the bed featuring everything from boy bands to anime. The bedding itself was a noisy print of bright cartoon skulls and candy, the air smelled of spicy incense, and there were literal piles of books strewn across the floor. 

If Jay didn’t know any better, he would have said this was a messy teenager’s room and not an Asran prince. 

Then again, he supposed he had no idea what any prince’s room would look like and maybe they were all like this. 

“Take a deep breath,” Asta soothed as he adjusted Jay’s glasses. He smiled, rubbing his hands slowly over Jay’s back. “You okay?”

“I… I’ve never been through a portal before,” Jay confessed. He was standing in front of Asta, wobbling a little and clinging to his chest. He had to tilt his head up to meet Asta’s gaze because of how tall he was, and the fact Asta was naked had not been lost on him.

Very hot, very naked Asta. 

Shit, shit, shit. 

“If you gotta spew,” Asta warned, “just tell me and I will totally open another portal in the floor.” 

“Thanks.” Jay managed a smile and hoped Asta couldn’t see how hard he was blushing right now. “I, uh… Where’s Ted? Where are we?”

“Right. Well. We’re in Xenon, and we’re in the coolest room ever. Mine, of course.” Asta pushed his round sunglasses up onto his forehead. “I thought you might get sick, so I figured it would be better to let you chill out here first instead of going all spew-zilla when you see ol’ Cat Kicker.” 

“Oh, thank you. Yeah, I have a little bit of trouble with motion sickness.” 

“I know.” Asta grinned. “I remember when you and Ted watched that horror movie, the shaky cam one? You totally puked.”

“Ugh, that was awful.” Jay cringed. “Yeah, I can’t watch anything like that or, well, you know.” He didn’t want to mention what else Asta knew. “Can I… sit down?”

“Yeah, totally!” Asta flew over to the bed, shoving the army of plushies and pillows off onto the floor as he dove across the blankets. His sunglasses flew off and landed somewhere with the plushies. He rolled over onto his side, smacking the empty space he’d created. 

Jay had to look away from the dramatic display, and he stared at the ceiling. “So, uh, are you always naked?”

“You didn’t care when I was a cat,” Asta teased. 

“Yes, ‘cause you were a cat!” 

“Okay, fine. You twisted my arm.” Asta groaned as if he was in great pain. “There. Happy?” 

Jay hesitantly glanced over to see Asta was wearing a pair of pink shorts that barely qualified as clothing. He tried to pretend he didn’t notice how the stretchy fabric hugged Asta’s cocks—yup, cocks, because there were most definitely two of them.

“Thank you.” Jay sat on the edge of the mattress, and he kept his head turned to remove the temptation of gawking. 

“You’re lucky I like you,” Asta declared. “I usually bitch a whole lot more before agreeing to put on clothes.”

Jay laughed. “Yeah?”

“Definitely. Bitching is like half my personality.” Asta scooted closer. “Can I get you anything? Drink? Something to nibble on? Bucket?”

“No, no, I’m feeling okay.” Jay took a deep breath. “It’s just a lot to take in. I’m sitting in your bed, a bed here in Xenon, because you’re an Asran prince and not a cat.” 

“I can still meow for you if you’d like.” Asta was now pressed right up against Jay’s back, lightly pawing at his shoulders. “You can totally feed me too.”

“N-no, that’s okay.” Jay laughed nervously. 

“You ready to go see Cat Kicker? Or you still wanna chill for a minute?”

“Why do you keep calling Ted that? Did he really kick you?” Jay frowned. “Because I find that really hard to believe.” 

“He absolutely did.” Asta sniffed defiantly. “You should have kicked him. As in, kicked him right out of the apartment.” 

“Hey, the apartment is Ted’s!” Jay scolded. “He didn’t have to let me keep you, you know. He did it because he’s a nice person.” 

“Nice? Ugh. He’s so gross,” Asta whined as he curled around Jay’s hip until he could put his head in his lap. 

Jay laughed, shyly reaching down to pet Asta’s hair. When Asta was Mr. Twigs the cat, he would demand affection this very same way. “He is a very nice guy, and you know, you weren’t exactly that nice to him.”

“Me?” Asta gasped.

“I figured you were just doing normal cat stuff, but now knowing you were totally not a cat means you did all that crap on purpose.”

“Lies. Wicked, wicked lies.” Asta closed his eyes, leaning into Jay’s hand with a grin.

“You puked in his shoes.”

“I had indigestion.”

“You left a dead mouse on his pillow!”

“A gift!”

Jay snorted, and he ran his fingers through Asta’s hair, scratching his nails lightly against his scalp. He swore Asta was purring. “Hmm, I think you might have been jealous of Ted.”

“What?” Asta’s eyes snapped open.

“I think you were jealous.” Jay smirked. “You always seemed to get really fussy when Ted and I hung out together.”

“You’re crazy,” Asta drawled. “I mean, you’re still way boneable, but I’m afraid you’ve lost major points in sanity. Have you seen me?” He gestured to himself. “There is no possible dimension in the entire multiverse in which I am jealous of Cat Kicker.” 

“Hmm. Except this one.” Jay grinned.


“Also. Boneable? Seriously? Is that even a word?”

“It is now.” Asta caught Jay’s hand to hold against his cheek so he could nuzzle it. 

“You think I’m…” Jay’s cheeks burned as he realized the word was meant as a compliment. “That I’m… that?”

“Oh.” Asta winked as he slid his tongue over the points of his sharp top teeth. “Very.”

“I… uh….” Jay fidgeted with his glasses. “I…

“What’s wrong, Jay?” Asta batted his lashes. “Cat got your tongue?” He grinned, quickly adding before Jay could reply, “I mean, I don’t yet, but maybe later.” 

“I think we should go see Ted now. Look, I, uh, that’s, very, very nice of you to say stuff like that, but uh—”

“Uh, stuff like what?” Asta surged upward until his nose bumped Jay’s.

Jay tipped backward against the bed to escape the sudden close proximity, and he barely had a second to process what was happening before Asta was on top of him. Asta had just been in his lap lounging happily, and now he had Jay pinned with a hungry smile.

It wasn’t as if Jay was physically trapped. Asta’s hands were framing his shoulders on the bed, and the only part of their bodies that was actually touching was Asta’s hip pressing against Jay’s where he was leaning over him. 

Still, Jay couldn’t move, frozen by the unexpected thrill and a wave of anxiety.

He also had no idea what to do with his hands. He had them hovering in front of Asta’s chest, but he was afraid to touch him. He didn’t know what the rules were on touching royal cat people, though Asta was making it pretty clear that he probably wouldn’t mind.

“You mean, the stuff like me saying you’re way boneable?” Asta asked. “Or maybe like you have the most bodacious fucking eyelashes I’ve ever seen? And that it would be an absolute privilege to dick you down right now?”

Jay’s eyes widened, and he panicked. 

No one as hot as Asta ever hit on him, especially this aggressively, and he had no clue how to respond except to escape as quickly as possible. 

He tucked his arms down by his sides and pointed his feet out, sliding his entire body forward so he slipped out from underneath Asta and off the bed. He managed to land feet first in a crouch and then bounce up, whirling around to face a fairly surprised Asta.

“Huh.” Asta licked his lips. “I guess that’s a yes?”

“L-Look, this is, uh, very nice and all, but, but, but—”

“But what?” Asta stretched out across the bed on his back, tucking his arms up behind his head in a particularly provocative pose. “Do you like me?”

“Yes, I, I guess so—”

“What’s the problem?” Asta complained as he rolled around, wiggling enticingly. “I’m gorgeous, you’re gorgeous, and we can make some very, very gorgeous sounds together if we take off all these stupid clothes—”

“I’ve never had sex before, okay?” Jay shouted.

Asta fell off the bed. 

Jay hadn’t meant to raise his voice, but he didn’t know how else to get through to Asta. He winced at how hard Asta hit the ground, mumbling, “Sorry.”

“No, wait.” Asta pushed himself up onto his knees. “What about that guy? Your ex? The one with the bad breath?”

“Bryce?” Jay made a face.

“You told Ted all about how awful he was in bed!”

“Okay, first of all—” Jay planted his hands on his hips. “—it’s extremely rude that you have all this crazy insider information because you were my damn cat!”

“How is it my fault that you decided to have personal private conversations in front of me?” Asta crawled back up on the bed. 

“Because you were pretending to be a fucking cat!” Jay fumed. “No one thinks what they say with their fucking pet hanging around is going to come back and bite them in the ass!”

“I mean, if you’re asking me to bite you—”

“Shut up! Just, just listen! I was lying, okay? I lied about Bryce!”

“Okay, you have my attention.”

Jay sighed miserably. “We only went on three dates, and he dumped me when I wouldn’t sleep with him. Okay? I was too embarrassed to tell Ted the truth, so… I just… I lied.” He wrung his hands together. “I’ve never been very good with people. Being Silenced makes me enough of a freak, and then all the stuff I liked growing up made me an even bigger freak ‘cause it was super nerdy, and so, sex, uh, it just… never happened for me.” 

“Well.” Asta stood. “On behalf of the entire Asran royal family and the kingdom of Xenon, may I please say that I hope Bryce chips his front teeth on a rusty urinal. That’s a way big dick move on his part, and well, I guess I was kinda putting some dick moves on you too.” He offered his hand out to take Jay’s. “Also, side note, you’re super hot when you’re mad.”

“Is that your way of apologizing?” Jay eyed Asta’s hand suspiciously.

“Yes. Is it working?”

“Only a little.” Jay slowly reached for Asta’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” Asta said with surprising seriousness. “You’re right about my being a cat being kinda unfair too. I had all that time to get to know you and figure out what a totally awesome babe you are.” A little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “While you were denied the joy of getting to know my epic awesomeness because I was a cat—”

“Okay, I think we’re done now.” Jay rolled his eyes.

“Hey, come on.” Asta laughed, giving Jay’s hand a playful tug. “All I’m asking you is for a teeny tiny chance here.”

“A chance to what?” Jay frowned.

“To maybe get to know me, so you’ll think I’m as awesome as I know you are?”

“Right.” Jay narrowed his eyes. “And then we take off all our clothes and make the sounds or whatever?” 

“That was my plan, yeah.” 

“Mr. Twigs—”


“Right. Asta.” Jay took a deep, cleansing breath. “If and when I become interested in any of that, you’ll be the first to know.”


“Wait. Seriously? That’s it?”

“Yeah?” Asta quirked his brows. 

“You’re not… mad at me?” Jay cringed.

“Never.” Asta kissed Jay’s hand sweetly. “Hey, I’m horny, but I’m not a creep, okay?”

“Thank you.” Jay didn’t want to let go of Asta’s hand, surprisingly touched by the sudden reversal of Asta’s aggressive flirting. “That, that means a lot to me. Really.”

“Hey. I’m really just happy you’re here.” Asta’s smile was downright bashful. “I was, you know, kinda worried about you. Not just because of the saving the world bit, but because you are really awesome. I… I really do like you, Jay. I’ve met a lot of mortals, but trust me when I say that you are one of a kind.”

“Yeah?” Jay blushed. “Wow. That’s so sweet—”

“Plus, now you’ve been in my bed, and you know how super comfy it is. You’ll be back for sure.”

Jay couldn’t help but laugh again. “Wow, you are super stubborn, aren’t you?”

“Me? What?” Asta grinned. “Maybe just a tiny bit.”

“If you’re done trying to get into my pants, can we go see Ted now?”

“I will never be done trying to get into your pants, but yes, we can go.” Asta kept a hold of Jay’s hand, and he swept his other arm around Jay’s waist to draw him in close. “Hang on tight.”

Jay hugged Asta’s neck, and he tried to tell himself that it was just because moving through portals was still mildly terrifying. He knew it was also because he really did want to be close to Asta, and he closed his eyes in preparation of the gross falling feeling.

But nothing happened.

He peeked up at Asta. “What is it?”

“One quick question.” Asta batted his eyes. “Would you believe me if I told you I was a virgin too and I wanted to give myself to you tonight?”



“Nice try, though.” 

“Thanks! Told you I wasn’t gonna stop trying.” Asta winked, and the room vanished.

Jay’s stomach flipped like he was in a car and had just gone over a big bump in the road, and it was thankfully brief. He was standing outside a massive castle—holy fuck, it was a castle—by a steaming pool illuminated by glowing eels with a beautiful night sky glittering above them. 

There was so much to take in, and it was this moment that Jay truly knew he was in another world.

The stars were countless, streaking across the inky black in violet swirls, and the castle had a lush lavender glow. There was a forest off in the distance of glowing white trees, a sprawling city, and…

Jay gasped.

The bridge.

The Xenon bridge was a sparkling behemoth structure arching from one side of the sky to the other as far as Jay could see, and he could feel his eyes getting hot, overwhelmed by the sheer awe of seeing something so sacred in person.

“That’s… that’s the bridge. That’s it. That’s the bridge to Zebulon.” Jay gasped. “Holy crap, it’s right there!”

“Yeah, but it kinda loses the fanciness once you’ve seen it a few dozen times,” Ted teased.

“Ted?” Jay whirled around, seeing Ted in the glowing pool with a short, broad man. “Holy shit!”

“Hey!” Ted waved. “Welcome to Xenon, Jay!”

“I believe introductions are in order.” The broad man snapped his fingers.

Jay was suddenly standing in the pool wearing purple swimming trunks with neon green dinosaurs. He was too excited to be self conscious about being shirtless, and he surged forward to hug Ted. “Hey! You’re okay!”

“Hey! Yeah! I’m fucking great!” Ted hugged Jay tight, crushing him against his chest. “You! What about you? Are you okay?”

“Great,” Jay wheezed. 

“Asta got you here all safe and sound?”

“Yup. Very safe. Very sound.” Jay had forgotten what an intense hugger Ted was, and he swore Ted had only grown since he’d seen him last. He patted Ted’s back for mercy. “You can let go now.” 

“Right, sorry.” Ted grinned sheepishly. “Wow, so, uh, hi!”

“Hi!” Jay laughed. “I’m sure you already know, but uh, I had a long magical nap, missed a ton of super crazy stuff, and well, once I was all caught up, I asked Asta to bring me here so I could see you.”

“Yeah! I heard you got to meet Starkiller!”

“Oh, right! Sloane!”

The broad man loudly cleared his throat. 

“My apologies.” Ted chuckled, turning toward the man as he said, “Jay, I’d like you to meet Grell.” 

“King Grell,” the man corrected. “Ruler of Xenon and the Asra, amateur haberdasher, and last year’s World of Warcraft PVP champion.” 

“Horde or Alliance?” Jay blurted out. 

“Horde,” Grell replied without hesitation. “Obviously.”

“Oh! Well, it’s, it’s very nice to meet you.” Jay hadn’t actually expected such a quick response, but maybe cat people really did like to play MMO’s. 

“A pleasure,” Grell purred. 

Ted settled down in the water, floating back until he reached Grell who then wrapped his arms around him. They looked very happy together, and the sight made Jay’s heart flutter. 

He’d never known Ted to date since he’d had a bad breakup with that redhead guy whose name Jay was having trouble remembering right that second. He wasn’t too concerned that he couldn’t think of it—with the mental overload he’d experienced in the last few hours, he was lucky he knew his own damn name. 

“Wow.” Jay grinned. 

“What?” Ted quirked his brows. 

“Just, you know.” Jay shrugged. “Never seen you look so happy before.” 

“Totally gross, isn’t it?” Asta groaned loudly from where he had taken up a perch on the side of the pool. 

Jay didn’t mean to look. He really didn’t. He already knew Asta was wearing those ridiculous pink shorts, but no. 

Asta had changed. 

Asta was now wearing a tiny black speedo that barely contained his parts, and Jay jerked back around to stammer at Ted, “S-so, uh, when’s the wedding?”

“Dunno. Don’t fuckin’ care.” Ted stroked Grell’s forearm. “Just one fuckin’ day at a time. It’s been nice. Like, really nice.” 

“Meh.” Grell shrugged. “Can’t complain. Won’t do any good if I did. He doesn’t listen well, this one.” 

Ted laughed. “Shut the fuck up.”

“And so disrespectful.” 

Ted beamed up at Grell, and Grell gazed at him with equal adoration. 

“Okay,” Jay said, “yeah, they’re a little gross.” 

“See?” Asta snorted. “Told you.” 

“Oh, shush you.” Grell grinned, and Jay could definitely see the family resemblance in that wicked smile. “One day you’ll find someone to be perfectly gross with too, and then I’ll poke fun at you, you little imp.” 

Asta made a loud retching sound. 

“Yup. That’s gonna be you someday.” Ted smirked. “You and the love of your life.” 

“I don’t gag, Cat Kicker.” Asta was looking at Jay when he said it. 

Jay didn’t know how he knew, but he just did. 

“This thread of discussion is officially over now,” Grell drawled. “While I certainly appreciate inappropriate conversations and even encourage them, I’m drawing the line at discussing my son’s anything.”

“You were the one saying how gross I was gonna be!” Asta cackled. “I’m just trying to live up to your expectations.”

Grell wrinkled his nose and sighed. “Oh, where did I go wrong?”

“I can give you a list,” Ted teased. 

“Eat a dick, Cat Kicker,” Asta snapped. 

“I’ll be sure to gobble up two big ones later,” Ted taunted. “You know, your Dad’s.” 

“Fucking! You! Cat Kicker! Ew!” Asta groaned in deep disgust and sputtered, “All of my hate!”

“Play nice, children,” Grell scolded with a smile. 

“Tell your nasty future husband to quit it!” 

“The gobbling or discussing said gobbling? Because while I can do one, I can definitely not do the other.” 

“Fucking barf!” 

Jay sunk into the water while the others playfully bantered back and forth. It was fun to listen in, but it was also a little isolating. He was still having a lot of trouble adjusting to everything, and he didn’t feel like he fit in with their dynamic. He had nothing to add to any discussion about sex, and he was worried that the wrong comment would out his own lack of experience. 

Plus, he really hated not having a shirt on. 

Ted, always perceptive of Jay’s mood, didn’t take long to notice something was wrong. “Hey, Jay? You okay?”

“What? No. I’m fine.” Jay shook his head. “Just, uh, tired. Which probably sounds crazy because I’ve been sleeping for a really long time, but uh, you know. Just. Just so tired right now.” 

“It’s a fucking a lot,” Ted agreed. “I get it.”

“It doesn’t help that you two are being extra disgusting right now.” Asta sneered. “Jay, let me know when you wanna bounce.” 

“Bounce?” Jay frowned at Asta, keeping his eyes focused on his to avoid peeking anywhere else. “Where?”

“Uh, back to my room?” Asta shrugged. “Figured you could crash with me or whatever.” He raised his brows. “You’re staying here, right?”

“In Xenon?” Jay’s voice came out as a squeak. “I, I don’t know.” 

“Do you have to go back now?” Ted asked worriedly. “I totally fuckin’ get it if you do, but I was kinda hoping you could hang out for a while.” 

“We have perfectly clean guest rooms as well.” Grell was staring down Asta like he’d grown another head. 

“Well.” Jay hesitated. “Milo did say I have another week left in my leave…”

“Fuck yeah!” Ted beamed. “Stay here! I can give you the whole fuckin’ tour. This place is seriously amazing, I wanna show you everything, man. You’re gonna love it.”

“Thanks.” Jay managed a little smile. “I think, well, yeah.” He took a deep breath. “So, tomorrow?”

“Sounds good,” Ted said as he wiggled away from Grell. He swam over to give Jay another rib crushing hug. “It’s so good to see you. Really.” 

“It’s really good to see you too.” Jay hugged Ted. “I’m seriously so happy for you.” 

“Thank you.” Ted smiled, and he patted Jay’s shoulder as they parted. “Go get some sleep, chill out, and we’ll see you for breakfast.” He eyed Asta. “Take him to the guest room. Got it?”

“Sorry, I don’t listen to anyone with boobs bigger than mine,” Asta said sweetly. 

“Guest room.” Grell smirked. 

“Sorry, I don’t listen to anyone—”


“Fine! Ugh!” Asta splashed into the water, and he hugged Jay from behind. 

“Night, Jay!” Ted said cheerfully. 

“Good nigh—” Jay blinked. “—t!” He was in a new room but still inside the castle judging by the purple glowing walls. 

It was a bedroom half the size of Asta’s lavish quarters. There was a bed, a dresser, and a door Jay assumed led to a bathroom. He was now wearing soft pajamas, a T-shirt with a cat shooting lasers from its eyes, and fuzzy green slippers that looked like monster feet. 

Asta’s arms lingered around Jay, but he did let go, saying, “So, totally boring, lame guest room. If you wanna change your mind and come to the cool room again, you let me know.” 

“Th-thanks.” Jay fidgeted with his glasses. 

“Hey.” Asta’s voice was softer now. “What’s wrong? Really?”

“What?” Jay stared at Asta. “What do you mean?”

“Magical having been your cat advantage.” Asta smiled. “I know when you’re upset. What was it? All that nasty sex talk? I tried to tell them they were being disgusting.” 

Jay was surprised at how Asta managed to hit such a precise cause of his discomfort, but then again Asta had also just found out Jay was a virgin. Still, it was nice that Asta cared enough to have said something. 

“That was part of it,” Jay replied, anxiously wringing his hands. “Thanks, by the way.”

“No problem.” Asta frowned. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Uh, I’m standing here in another world talking to my cat?” Jay flopped on the bed. “The last thing I remember was being in Sloane’s office, Azaethoth hit you, you were talking, and then… nothing. No dreams, no nothing, just darkness.” He pushed up his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose. “I wake up and you’re there with your little glasses, and…” He sighed. “It’s a lot. I feel like I have brain whiplash.”

Asta sat beside Jay, still in his tiny black speedo, and he slid his arm around Jay’s shoulders. “Hey, I get it. You went through a huge life explosion of knowledge during the course of a single spaghetti dinner.”

“Heh. Yeah.” Jay leaned into Asta. “I always believed. I did. In the old gods, in Great Azaethoth, everything. But maybe, yeah, I did sometimes wonder. I would have my doubts, you know? And here I am, literally sitting in Xenon, and I still feel kinda unsure. Like, how can all of this be real? Am I just asleep? Am I still passed out somewhere?”

Asta’s hand slid down.

Jay yelped when Asta pinched his hip. “Hey!”

“Well, you’re definitely awake.” Asta grinned. 

“Asshole!” Jay playfully smacked at Asta’s shoulder.

“Oh, awake and feisty too.” Asta easily caught Jay’s hand and held it tight, saying earnestly, “You take all the time you need. Ask all the questions you need answered. There’s no reason you have to rush into any of this yet. It’s like sex.”

Jay made a face.

“Hear me out!” Asta protested. “Look, you gotta start off nice and slow. You have to really ease into it. Just a little bit at a time. You can’t just take it all at once or it’s gonna suck kinda bad. But if you’re patient and let it happen naturally, well, it can be pretty awesome and you’ll really enjoy it.”

“Do you always make everything about sex?”

“No. But also maybe.” Asta winked. “Hey, I thought it was a pretty smooth analogy.”

“It was.” Jay chuckled. “And you’re right. I think, uh, I think I got overwhelmed trying to take so much at once?” He blushed at his own words and shook his head. “I haven’t had any time to, like, process all of this yet.”

“Well, you can now.” Asta squeezed Jay’s hand. “I’ll leave you alone to your processing.” He held Jay’s hand to his cheek. “I’ll come get you for breakfast, okay?” 

“Thank you.” Jay held his tongue to make sure he said the right name. “Asta.” 

“No problem.” Asta smiled. “You need anything, just call my name. I’ll hear you and pop right on over.” 

“Really?” “I respond best if you kinda moan it, but yes.” Asta kissed Jay’s cheek. “Sleep sweet, Jay.” 

Jay’s heart had decided to move into his ears and pound exclusively there, and he forgot how to use words. Asta’s lips were velvety soft, and Jay wanted to know immediately what they’d feel like pressed against his own. 

Asta hadn’t pulled all the way back, hovering there just a breath away. He was still holding Jay’s hand, and he was smiling at him so adoringly. 

Jay was caught in Asta’s eyes, and time itself seemed to be slowing down. The air was thick, fogged with an intensity he couldn’t identify. He didn’t know what to do. He both wanted and didn’t want to kiss Asta, and he could not bring himself to make a damn decision—

“Good night.” Asta broke the spell, still smiling as he gently took Jay’s glasses and then set them on the bedside table. 

“G-Good night, Asta.” Jay slumped back into the bed, his heart continuing to pound away. 

Asta stood as if to leave, but he paused to glance back at Jay. “You, uh, need me to tuck you in? Read you a story? Bedtime blowjob?” 

“Good night, Asta,” Jay repeated more firmly. 

“Night, Jay.” Asta winked, and his swimsuit vanished, giving Jay a spectacular view of his butt before he blinked away through a portal.

“Holy shit,” Jay breathed once he was finally alone. “So. That happened.” 

He got under the blankets and hugged his pillows, his thoughts spinning for a few minutes while he tried to calm down. 

The old gods were real, he was here in Xenon, and he wanted to kiss his cat. 

Yeah, everything was just fine. Totally normal and fine. 

Who the hell was he kidding?

Jay closed his eyes, and he tried to go to sleep. He drifted for a while, tossed and turned, but he kept waking up. He’d forget where he was and have to make sense of the weird purple glow, and then he’d remember and have to try to zonk back out. 

After what felt like hours, Jay asked the empty room, “Asta? Uh… can you hear me?”

Asta appeared in an instant, kneeling beside the bed. He looked tired, but he was smiling. “Hey. What’s up? You okay?”

Jay was startled by how fast Asta had shown up, and he stammered, “Is, uh, is there a way to, uh, maybe, maybe turn down the… walls?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Asta chuckled. “You like total darkness when you sleep. Here.” He touched the wall, and the light immediately dimmed. “Maybe I forgot. Maybe I just thought it would be a good excuse to come back and see you.” 

Jay snorted. “Thank you.” 

“Need anything else?” Asta batted his eyes. 

“No, I’m okay. Thank you. Really.” Jay hesitated. “Unless…”


“I don’t know if it would be weird to ask you.” 

“Jay, I am all about weird.” Asta grinned. “Lay it on me, babycakes.” 

“Could you…” Jay grimaced. “Could you maybe be a cat one last time? I… I can’t sleep. And it’s not just the lights, I mean, it’s everything, and I—“

“Hey, hey. I got you.” Asta shrunk down into a fluffy black cat. He jumped up on the bed with Jay. “I am yours to snuggle.” 

“Thank you.” Jay lifted his arm, inviting Asta to lay down against his chest so he could hold him. He was instantly relaxed, and he scratched around Asta’s ears. He smiled when Asta purred. 

“Night, Jay.” 

“Night, Asta.” 

“You know this means you’re holding me totally naked right now.” 

“I’m going to sleep now.” 

Fine. Good night.” 

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