Shoulda Swiped Left: Chapter 05

Chapter 5.

Gathering a Chinese food feast worthy of a king was apparently a simple task for a god. Zale had a full buffet waiting when they returned to his suite, and Joseph ate until he was totally stuffed.

They cuddled as much as they could in bed, watching—what else—a Firefly marathon. They never skipped the theme song and sang it together each time, and Joseph fell asleep with Zale’s fingers petting his hair before the second episode ended.

The next days were slow and sweet for Joseph, filled with Zale’s company, his laughter, and the touch of his hands. 

Oh, those hands

Those beautiful, absolutely magical hands.

Joseph couldn’t wait for the rest of Zale’s body to be restored so he could return the favor.

The next few pieces of Zale’s body came easily—hips, shoulders, and thighs. They gave Joseph something to hold on to when those lovely hands worked him over, and he was proud that he hadn’t dropped any more of them.

Zale was very appreciative of that, especially when they finally found his more delicate parts.

Joseph snickered the entire time he carried said organ, and he resisted the urge to swing it before laying it down on the altar.

Zale rolled his eyes, drawling, “It’s not funny.”

“It’s sort of funny.” Joseph grinned.

Zale quickly waved his hand to make the delicate organ disappear. “It’s a vital piece of my vessel. It’s sacred.”

“It’s your dick!” Joseph burst out laughing.

Zale sighed, a sound of prolonged suffering, as he patiently waited for Joseph to stop cackling.

“I mean, when they say every part?” Joseph was wheezing, nearly doubled over now. “They really meant every part!”

“How about—” Zale reached over to steady Joseph. “—instead of laughing about it, I take you somewhere to enjoy it?”

Joseph’s laughter died with a small squeak. “Wait, do you mean…”

“Uh huh.”

Joseph flushed, licking his lips slowly as his brain fully caught on to what Zale was saying. Zale’s hands were quite skilled, but Joseph had certainly been craving something more. “Yeah, definitely. Please.”

“Come on.” Zale pulled Joseph close. “Let’s go.”

Joseph closed his eyes, and Zale whisked them away to a gorgeous underground waterfall. There was a large pool, and the water was steaming hot and calm despite the rushing falls above it. The blue glow that lit up the cavern was soothing and Joseph was already stripping the second his feet touched solid ground.

“Eager, are we?” Zale teased, watching Joseph hurl his pants aside with a smirk.

“I really need you to come tear all my clothes off,” Joseph demanded playfully, paraphrasing another favorite quote.

“Gladly,” Zale said as he ran his hands over Joseph’s body and helped him pull his clothes off.

Joseph watched as Zale’s clothing magically vanished, and he tried to slide his hands up his chest but only found empty air. He repositioned his hands on Zale’s broad shoulders, settling on solid flesh there. “That is still so weird.”

“Soon I’ll be fully restored,” Zale promised, guiding Joseph into the hot waters of the pool. “Then you can touch me as much as you like.”

“Oh, I definitely plan to,” Joseph confirmed. “I can’t wait to find your head. Or at least your lips. I just… I really want to kiss you. Does your mouth come with your head?”

“It does.” Zale snorted, wading out until the water was waist deep and pulling Joseph into his arms.

Well, at least against his shoulders anyway.

Joseph kept his hands anchored there, and he groaned as he rocked forward and felt the new heat of Zale’s hips and cock rubbing against him. “Wow. Missed those bits.”

Zale was already fully hard, and he smiled as he stroked the small of Joseph’s back and caressed between his cheeks. “They missed you too.”

Joseph leaned his head on Zale’s shoulder, kissing softly where he knew he could touch. He arched back into Zale’s fingers. “Come on. Don’t keep me waiting.”

“Turn around—” Zale gave Joseph’s hip a playful squeeze. “—and go grab the ledge.”

“Yes, Mister Bossy God, sir!” Joseph smooched Zale’s shoulder once more before getting in position. He moved to the ledge of the pool, grabbing on and offering himself with spread legs and a coy smile.

Zale smirked as he began to rub his cock up against Joseph’s hole. “I figured that my lacking body parts wouldn’t feel so strange like this.”

“Feels good,” Joseph agreed, moaning as he felt his body get magically slick and open with a snap of Zale’s fingers. “And damn, that godly prep is freakin’ awesome.”

“There are many perks to being a god.” Zale sounded very smug as he pressed inside. The first few inches slid in without protest, and both men shared a soft moan of pleasure.

Joseph loved how full he was already, and Zale’s strong hands possessively grabbing his hips felt fantastic. He cried out as Zale pushed a little deeper, the ache in his loins now positively throbbing.

Zale went slowly at first, short little thrusts to work himself the rest of the way inside. “There,” he praised. “Look at you, Joseph. So beautiful stuffed full of my cock.”

“Feels good.” Joseph panted. “Fuck, it feels so damn good.”

Nothing had any right to feel this perfect. Joseph was left on the precipice of madness and utter euphoria as Zale’s girth stretched him out. There was never any pain, only the most intense sensation, and he threw his head back with a loud groan as Zale thrust.

Zale’s slams were deep, and he rolled his hips to hit that spectacular place inside of Joseph that made his vision white out. It was something magical, something only a god could reach, and Joseph’s frantic thoughts wondered if it was his soul.

The incredible sense of connection was right there where they’d left it from that first night together, and Joseph loved how intuitive Zale was. He knew exactly what angle to hit and where to touch to transform Joseph into a drooling mess.

“Oh, Zale,” Joseph moaned, his entire body awash in the heat of the water and the cock buried so deep inside of him. “It’s perfect… Fuck, you feel so goddamn perfect!”

“So do you,” Zale groaned as he rocked faster.

Joseph had to reach back, needing to hold on to something other than rock. He grabbed Zale’s hip and his fingers greedily slid down to grip his thigh.

Zale growled happily at his touch, grunting low as he pressed closer.

Joseph could feel Zale’s hips moving against his own, the hot press of his shoulders, and the iron grip of his long fingers. It was easy to focus on those and not the parts of Zale’s body that were lacking, and Joseph was thrilled by the new intimacy. He could hear the water softly splashing around them, the damp smack of their skin, his own labored breathing, and Zale’s growls of pleasure. 

Then, there was a jingle.

The bells.

“Fuck, fuck!” Joseph groaned.

“What is it?” Zale stopped immediately. “Too much? Did I hurt you?”

“No!” Joseph shook his head, groaning again as the chiming got louder. He wasn’t even moving but the volume kept increasing. It was almost as if the bells were coming to him.

“Do you want me to stop?” Zale gently rubbed Joseph’s back.

“I can hear… It’s happening right now.” Joseph reached into the air right in front of them. He felt something smooth and then fuzzy, soft and rough in different places. He had no idea what part of Zale he was holding, but it was making him shake.

Zale’s hand slipped up Joseph’s arm, holding him steady as the bells became more frantic.

Before Joseph’s eyes could focus on the part, there was a bright flicker of light and the screaming bells suddenly stopped. The part was gone and he heard Zale gasp behind him.

Joseph turned around to face Zale, grunting as it forced him to pull out. “Mmmph, what’s wrong. What happened?”

Zale was staring at Joseph in complete awe as his fingers slowly slid up his cheeks to cup his own face. “Joseph Abrams,” he murmured passionately, a breathless smile curling his lips, “you truly are amazing.”

“I don’t understand!” Joseph said urgently. “What happened? Did I do something wrong?”

“You did something incredible.” Zale reached for Joseph’s face to press a deep kiss to his lips.

Joseph initially pulled away, thinking his mouth was about to go right through Zale’s. Instead, he found Zale’s mouth, warm and real, kissing him fiercely. He couldn’t believe it, reaching up to find he could touch Zale’s cheeks, his hair, and he ran his hands down Zale’s strong neck to his shoulders. 

He kissed Zale back passionately, not realizing how much he had missed those lips until he finally had a taste of them again.

Zale eagerly repositioned Joseph on the edge of the pool. Joseph wrapped his long legs around his hips, and then Zale was pushing back inside of him with renewed vigor, groaning softly as he gave Joseph every inch of himself once more.

Joseph kept his hands firmly on Zale’s face, tracing over the shell of his ear and his cheeks, and then he scratched his nails through his short hair. He didn’t understand how this was possible and in that moment, he didn’t care.

He surrendered over to Zale’s impossibly perfect thrusts, moaning when he felt his climax fast approaching. Zale kept pounding into him, magically stroking parts inside of him that no mortal man would ever be able to reach. He couldn’t stop crying out, though he tried to smother every sound in Zale’s hot mouth.

“There! There, right there!” Joseph pleaded when Zale’s ethereal touch hit something divine and he came instantly. His legs shook, his hips jerked, and the wonderful sensation didn’t seem to end. 

Zale rocked him through every shudder, dragging out Joseph’s climax until he was shaking from head to toe. Only when he seemed sure that Joseph was totally satisfied did he come himself, groaning happily and plastering himself against Joseph’s lean body.

Joseph held on to all the parts of Zale that he could and simply ignored the ones he couldn’t. He was left gasping as he tried to keep their lips locked in a sweet kiss. “Oh, Zale… That was amazing.”

“You are amazing,” Zale said with a warm smile. “My little mortal lover has the makings of a god in him.”

“What are you talking about?” Joseph laughed incredulously.

“My head. You were able to complete the transference with me.”

“That’s good? Right? I think it’s a good thing?”

“The only person who could do that was Persephone,” Zale said urgently. “She’s a goddess, but you…”

“But I’m only mortal?” Joseph blinked, not sure what to make of that. “What does that mean exactly?”

“It means that you’re special, Joseph,” Zale assured him, kissing him gently. “That what we have… is special.”

“So, you definitely regret being a dick to me before?” Joseph teased.

“Yes.” Zale made a face. “I already told you that.”

“Just checking!” Joseph grinned, going in for another kiss. Zale was definitely the best kisser he had ever met in his entire life. “Mmph. Could definitely get used to this.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” Zale asked quietly.

Joseph had been referring to the lovely kisses and Zale’s question surprised him. He stared dumbly, repeating, “Stay?”

“After we bring back spring,” Zale said, his hands hesitantly cradling Joseph’s face. “Would you stay here with me?”

“Zale.” Joseph’s heart fluttered, and he tried to think his reply over very carefully.

Zale was still inside of him and holding him so very tenderly, but he didn’t know how to answer. He was just getting used to the idea that there were gods and goddesses in the world and the changing of the seasons was reliant upon an anatomical scavenger hunt. 

What Zale was asking was much more than what they had originally agreed to.

“You’re what… uh…” Joseph laughed nervously. “Asking me to move in?”

“Yes.” Zale frowned, and there was something fearful in his expression, as if he had been expecting Joseph to respond differently.

“I… uh…”

“You don’t need to answer now,” Zale said quickly, offering a strained smile.

“Thank you.” Joseph’s responding smile was shy. “I’m sorry. It’s just, you know, kind of fast. I still feel like I’m getting to know you, the real you.”

Zale nodded, looking away and moving as if to separate from him.

“But—” Joseph reached out to touch Zale’s cheek and then drew him back in for a kiss. “—I really, really like the real you so far.”

Zale smiled, a genuine one this time, and he kissed Joseph back earnestly. “Thank you.”

With a wave of his hand, Zale had them both cleaned, dry, and swaddled in thick robes, standing outside the pool. Joseph hugged Zale’s hips, glancing back at the waterfall for a long moment and smiling. They didn’t say anything, simply holding each other close and enjoying the spectacular view.

Thinking over Zale’s question again, Joseph realized he had never been so happy.

Would it be so terrible living with a god? Staying here with him forever?

Joseph was still thinking it over when Zale brought them back to the suite and they cuddled up together in the warm bed. He’d be able to see his family and friends if he decided to stay with Zale. All of the gods had lives beyond their immortal existence and Joseph knew that Zale had a very legitimate job other than being in charge of the dead.

Things could work. They really could.

And yet, Joseph found himself hesitating. He couldn’t quite let go of how Zale had lied to him, and there was so much he didn’t know about this new world. It scared him, to be honest, and he tried to remind himself that Zale was also scared. It was for different reasons, of course, but maybe they could conquer all of those fears together.

Being prince consort of the Underworld didn’t sound so bad.

Joseph was about to tell Zale as much, but Zale was getting out of bed with a groan.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Business,” Zale said with a grimace.

“Oh,” Joseph said quietly, readjusting himself in the bed now that he was alone. He stretched out and took all of the pillows, pouting a bit. “Will you be gone long? I was sort of hoping to talk more.”

“I’ll try to make it quick.”

“When you get called, is it, like, a phone call in your head?” Joseph grinned. “You just know to go?”

“Something like that,” Zale said with a chuckle. He gave Joseph a farewell kiss, promising, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Joseph watched Zale vanish, and he made up his mind to tell him that he wanted to stay with him as soon as he got back. They had already come so far on this incredible journey and he wasn’t ready for it to end. He tried to stay awake, hoping that Zale would be back before he fell asleep.

Before he knew it, he was already zonked out.

He was dreaming of exotic waterfalls and warm clouds, a beautiful hazy space where he could run around with puppies. It was so lovely that he fussed lightly when he sensed someone slipping into bed beside him. He knew from the touch of the hands that it was Zale, and he relaxed beneath his gentle caresses.

Zale carefully rolled Joseph over on his back, mouthing across his throat.

Joseph was definitely awake now and he grinned. “Mmm, did someone miss me?”

“Very much,” Zale replied as he moved lower, kissing across Joseph’s chest.

“I missed you, too.” Joseph took a deep breath as he tried to gather his courage. “And I… I need to tell you something.”

“Can’t it wait, my darling?” Zale peppered Joseph’s stomach with kisses, dragging the sheets out of his way. “Please. I’ve just missed you so much.”

“No.” Joseph sat up with a groan as he swatted Zale back. “Please, listen. This is important.” He reached for Zale’s hands. “What we were talking about earlier. About me staying here? I was thinking about it. A lot. I mean, as long as you were gone anyway. And I just… I think I want to—”

Zale kissed him firmly.

A little too firm, so much that Joseph pushed at Zale’s shoulder to stop him. “Hey! Be serious for a second. I’m trying to tell you something.”

“And I’m telling you that it can wait.” Zale tried to kiss him again.

“Well, I was about to tell you that I wanted to stay here with you.” Joseph snorted. “I really want to stay through spring, winter, fall, whatever. I want to—”

Zale went in for another kiss.

“Dammit, Zale!” Joseph snapped, getting frustrated now. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m falling in love with you, you fuckin’ asshole! Will you stop for two damn seconds, please?”

“Well, that’s very, very sweet.” Zale batted his eyes. “Almost as sweet as you taste.”

“What?” Joseph gawked. 

Definitely not the response he had been expecting.

“When ol’ Zale shows back up, you be sure to tell him.” Zale chuckled, and there was something wrong about his laugh. He leaned in for another kiss, rougher than before, and he pushed his way on top of Joseph.

Joseph was too stunned to protest for a few moments as he racked his brain trying to place why that damn laugh sounded so familiar. He shoved Zale back, snapping, “What the crap are you talking about? You’re Zale! And I just told you that I’m falling in love with you, which is totally crazy, and you’re being a total weirdo!”

“Probably because I’m not Zale.”



Joseph jerked his head up when he heard someone else say his name from across the room, and he immediately noticed two things that were very wrong.

First of all, he could feel Zale’s chest pressed against his own, a part of the god’s body that he knew they hadn’t restored yet.

Additionally, he could see Zale—another Zale—glaring furiously at him from the side of the bed.

Oh, this wasn’t good.

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